Being a Vampire Sucks

It's getting harder and harder to find quality victims. The economy has hit everyone, even me. Most of the young people have left to find employment in other cities and distant lands. All that's left is the elderly and derelicts. While the blood of the elderly is drinkable, the taste is stale and slightly sour. The derelicts are just plain unhealthy. Just two weeks ago, I attacked a young woman alone in a field eating mushrooms. The blood tasted great, but within minutes, I started seeing fantastic colors. A dog ran by, leaving a blurry after image trail behind it. I don't remember what happened after that, but the next nightfall I found myself in an old outhouse somewhere on an abandoned farm. No more mushroom eaters, never again! The other night I attacked a homeless man drinking Sterno. He just smelled bad and his blood gave me a bellyache.

Vampires used to have status in the world of monsters. Now thanks to some recent movies and books, no one is scared of us anymore. Now even bogeymen make fun of us. Bogeymen! They aren't even real monsters, they just hide under beds.

I change into a bat and fly out over the city. I haven't eaten well in weeks, but I made up my mind, tonight I would have a good meal. After all, it's my anniversary.

Below me, I see an elderly couple walking through the park. I can't bring myself to drink that tired old stuff, it's my anniversary, and I want some decent blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a young woman sitting on a porch swing in her backyard softly strumming a guitar. She was young, she wasn't drinking Sterno, or eating mushrooms, she was perfect!

I landed behind a tree and resumed my human form. With my vampire speed, this would be easy. Before I could move, a flying saucer appeared out of nowhere, beamed the girl aboard, and flew away. I can't catch a break.

When I first became a vampire, I thought it would be fun, and for the first one hundred years or so, it was. However, the last decade or so really sucked no pun intended. Aids victims gave me a headache, drunks gave me a bellyache. I'd consider suicide but I'm already dead.

I resume my flight over the city. My belly is starting to grumble, I'm getting hungry. I must find a victim and soon. I land on a rooftop of a factory and watch the passersby below hoping to spot a potential meal. Then I saw her. She was an older woman, not elderly, but not a young person either. She was wearing dark robe looking clothes, and walked with her head down. There was no one around to interfere.

I might even get a chance to frighten her first! Blood always tastes better when the victim is scared. She looked delicious!

I dropped to the ground if front of her! I raised my hands up to my chest, palms out ready to grab her! I showed her my fangs! She showed me her crucifix. She was a nun. I started to cry, turned into a bat, and flew away.

I land on a rooftop and resume my human form, I must figure out my next move. The sun will be up in an hour and no suitable victims in site. This was becoming commonplace, but tonight's my anniversary. Tonight was to be special. From where I was standing, I could see a few blocks away. Another vampire had found himself a meal, a young teenager walking alone. Lucky stiff, I thought I can't find a meal and he gets a good one.

There was no way to get a victim and get back to the coffin in one crummy hour. I decided, that's it! My anniversary will be my end date, exactly 400 years as a vampire. I can't go on like this, I may not be European aristocracy, but I always did have standards. Even when I was alive, I never went to bed hungry, now it happens a lot.

No more victims, instead of flying back to the coffin, I fly to the beach. I fly to the beach to welcome the sun, my first and very last sun in 400 years. I maybe living like a bum now, but when I ignite, I will go out in a blaze. I will go out in style.

The morning sun started to rise out on the misty horizon. The morning tide was lapping on the shore. Several yards away an early morning fisherman was trying to catch some fish. It's not worth it I thought. I could attack and make a meal of him, but with my luck, he has a pocket full of garlic.

The ambient light is increasing. This will be painful, but my blaze of glory is only moments away. The sun is visible but obscured by the mist and haze. From where I'm sitting, I can hear the car radio of the early morning fisherman. The weatherman was reporting that this was the most overcast day on record. He joked how the sun wouldn't be making an appearance today.

That about figures I thought. The ambient light would be enough to destroy me, but instead of a ball of fire, I will simply smolder and dissolve. It will hurt more, and take longer this way. My coffin is too far away to reach in time. I simply cry and wait for the end.

THE END

Bio: Ray Prew has been published in spinetinglers.net, Aphelion, and the Cynic Online magazine.com (3 times). One of his horror stories, "Let Me Out", which appeared in the now-defunct horrorbound.com, was turned unto a YouTube video (adult language). He has a book availabe on Amazon called Delightful Nightmares. His most recent Aphelion appearance was The Boogyman in our August, 2013 issue.

E-mail: Ray Prew

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