Hrongar the Barbarian Goes Shopping

This day I set out early, upon my greatest quest
Armed with lists of what to seek, the supermarket’s best
I sought out special offers, reduced on half-price sale
Backed by my sword, my trusty shield and coat of shining mail

I could not find the chicken wings; I had to ask the staff
I almost slew the lot of them when they began to laugh
At the blades I’d stuck onto the wheel hubs of my trolley
In younger days I’d cut them dead, but now forgave their folly

Instead I ploughed on down the aisles, in search of special offers
I emptied shelves as quick as I once emptied merchants’ coffers
A woman asked me for my help to reach the highest shelves
I aided her as swiftly as I once slew trolls for elves

At last the moment came to pay; I hefted my great axe
Of course, it didn’t help me much with value added tax
Once the wenches all would faint, to see my face so scarred
Now the checkout one just asked to see my loyalty card

Of course, I’m still much better there than trying the next queue
Despite my years of warfare, I just don’t know what to do
I Hrongar am fearless, brave, will enter any fray
Except the self-serve checkout, at Beverley’s Safeway

Stuart Sharp is a writer and postgraduate history student currently living in East Yorkshire.

Find more by Stuart Sharp in the Author Index.

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