The Many Selves in the Phantom World
by Gary William Crawford
“Is your name Paul?”
“No.”
There are many phantoms who think I am some other. I travel to
the
cities of mystery, and one phantom says to me,
“Joe, is that you?”
“No.”
Then across the river of life and death I come upon another,
who asks
me,
“Peter?”
“No.”
Then after many nightmares,
“Hello, Matthew.”
“You must have me confused with someone
else.”
“Mark, I haven’t seen you for
ages!”
“I’m not Mark.”
“Phillip, you look great!”
“You’re thinking of someone
else.”
All the phantoms think I am someone else. Why can’t
they see
me for whom I really am? Shadows gather in the phantom world that show
images of my fears. I travel fast because in this world the dead travel
fast. But I am a ghost, and so is everyone else. I cross the desert
with its strangely dense foliation that is ever changing and so out of
place for a desert. I travel to get to the university in the castle of
Oona and seek the scholars who are also high priests of many names and
faces.
One of the priests says to me,
“Many phantoms in this world appear as other
phantoms. It is the law of the great gods. We are
many things to many people. Who we really are is in death.”
I must accept this death, as much as I don’t want
to, and I
am many to all, and all are many to me.
© 2006 Gary William Crawford
Gary William Crawford is the author of three books of poetry,
Poems of
the Divided Self, In Shadow Lands, and The Shadow
City, and the short
story collection Gothic Fevers. He has published
works of literary
scholarship and criticism, such as Ramsey Campbell, J. Sheridan Le
Fanu: A Bio-Bibliography, and Robert Aickman: An Introduction. He is also the founder and editor of Gothic Press (http://www.gothicpress.com/).
Find more by Gary William Crawford in the Author Index.
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