Under the Mistletoe

The giant leaned against the cliff wall at the mouth of the canyon. Over her head was a bough of mistletoe bigger than I was. She acted like she didn't know it was up there, but she held it with her own arm.

She sighed.

Meager the sprite muttered under his breath. "Here comes the sighin'. It'll be like last year, mark my words."

I leaned back on the branch. "You don't know that for sure."

He spat. "First it's the sighin', then the blubberin', then next you know, she's on a rampage. Tearin' out our trees by the roots, and then there'll be killin'. You know there will."

I scratched my ear. "Yeah, but we can't do anything about it. Nobody can kiss her. She's too big."

Meager stopped. "A ranger like you could, Davie."

"What?"

Meager whistled. "Hey, lads. Davie here is goin' to kiss the giant, so she don't kill us all!"

The clan came, shouting, "Hurray for Davie!"

"I'm not kissing that! You're crazy!"

"Davie, you’re bigger than the rest of us by far. It's gotta be you."

"No!" I shook my head. "I'm not going near her!"

Meager smiled. "You could if she thinks you're one of them. Wear your Halloween costume."

Meager's wife, Moxie, stole some fabric. To the giant, it was just scraps, but for me, it made a coat with tails, and a top hat. When I added a white fluff wig, Moxie said I looked like a right fancy gentleman. They made me King of the Halloween Ball.

"I don't come up past her ankle. She'll squash me dead!"

Moxie smiled at me from the crowd. "Nonsense, Davie. All you need is a little makeup. We can do that, can't we girls?"

The womenfolk in the crowd rushed forward and grabbed me from all sides. They pulled me over to Meager & Moxie's, where they puffed me with powder and brushed me with combs, despite my protests. In no time flat I was dandified, whether I liked it or not.

I stood at the edge of the forest in my coat, wig, and top hat, covered in more powder than you'd put on a dozen babies, and smeared with more makeup than Meager's oldest daughter when she wanted a date. I was miserable. Those feet were going to stomp the life out of me. She'd been killing us ever since she moved here, and we were all afraid to move about unless it was dark.

There wasn't much cover. There was our forest, a table plateau in the middle, and then some ledges on the far cliff wall. You could squeeze into caves, but nowhere she couldn't find you. The only escape was past the opening where she was.

I looked at her. She was a killing machine: Enormous feet for stomping stuck out below her clothes, which were probably stuffed with implements of death. Her arms were twice as thick as my whole body, and they ended with those hideous hands. One of them held a huge, open cask of wine, probably to wash us down. Above that was her mouth, with those gigantic teeth. The thought of those chewing me up made me shake. Her nose was long and sharp, most likely to sniff us out. I knew her hearing wasn't as good as ours, but her eyes...

Her eyes were sad.

Small tears welled at the corners of them, and they were red.

"Merciful heavens," I said, "she's been crying. She really is lonely."

Maybe she did just want someone to kiss her.

She sighed again, louder.

I thought fast. If I could get to those ledges on the far canyon wall, I could get up close to her head. She couldn't stomp me then, and if she could hear me before she saw me... I might just be able to do it.

She glanced away, and I ran for the plateau in the center of the canyon. It felt like it took forever, but I made it. In no time, I was to the far cliff. Climbing is easy for a ranger, and I was up to the ledge fast. Skirting the odd-shaped boulders up there, I got up close to her head, and hid behind a tall, thin column.

Her breathing was ragged. Tears were stronger now, so I stuck my head out around the back of the stone.

"Kiss!" I was so nervous it came out like a squeak.

"What?" She stood up straight, looking around.

"Don't squish me!" I yelled. "I've come to kiss you!"

Without warning, the brightly-colored column behind me disappeared, sent tumbling across the valley. My exposed back was to her.

My knees knocked together, but I looked.

She peered at me. "Are you talking to me?"

I turned and tipped my hat like a gentleman. "I'm Davie. You're standing under the mistletoe. I've come to kiss you so you don't kill us."

She blinked. "Us?"

"Yeah, me and all the sprites who live in the forest over there. Last year, no one kissed you and you ripped out most of the trees."

Her mouth flopped open, surprised. She thought about it for a long time, then leaned her head close to me. Her eyes were suspicious, but she offered her cheek.

I smooched her as loud as I could, with every hope for life I had. Across the valley, I heard cheering. Meager and his whole clan stood at the edge of the forest, screaming with joy.

The giant looked at them oddly.

I asked, "You aren't going to kill us, are you?"

She looked back at me. Eventually, she said, "No, I don't think so."

"Thanks," I said, and tipped my hat again. "Merry Christmas."

As she watched the group disappear into their forest, she began to make plans to move. Christmas didn't seem lonely anymore, but roaches and a talking rat living in her apartment window box creeped her out.

No one would believe it, anyway.

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