A Funny Thing Happened To Me…

The witchdoctor’s large body filled the doorway of the crude, woven hut. “Oooogaa boogaaa!” he shouts at the man on the ground while waving his spear at him.

“What?” the man says, looking at the witchdoctor quizzically.

“Oooooogaaa boooga!” the witchdoctor shouts again, waving his spear in the air for emphasis.

“What?” the man replies again. Suddenly he hears someone yell “Cut!” behind him.

The witchdoctor stands up and walks over to the side of the hut, a look of exasperation on his face.

The man looks behind him and sees a bunch of people standing there, with large, bright spotlights and cameras pointing at him. The ‘hut’ is in the corner of a huge room with walkways overhead and more lights suspended from them. Everything looks strange, just shades of gray. Like one of those old movies. One of the people watching him is holding a megaphone in his hand and shouting into it.

“Cut, cut! Bob, what the hell is going on?”

“What?”

“What, what, what? Is that all you can say.?”

“I’m sorry. Where am I?”

The man looks up in exasperation and shouts into the megaphone, “Ok, everyone take five.”

Turning back to him, the man says, “What’s the matter with you, Bob? Had a little too much to drink last night as usual?”

“Who? My name is John, John Hudson.”

“I don’t need this now. You must have really tied one on last night.”

“I’m sorry,” he replies. “I’m just confused. Who are you? Where am I? Why is everything shades of gray?”

The man rolls his eyes and looks upward, thinking why me. “Ok, Bob. You are Bob Hanson. You play Jungle Jim, world famous explorer and adventurer, the idol of millions of kids. You are about to overpower the evil witchdoctor and rescue the explorer’s daughter before she is sacrificed to the native’s evil snake god. Then we have you give out the latest secret message to all those adoring kids to decode using their decoder rings. I am Jim, your overworked and underpaid director for this movie because I needed the money. Got it? Does that help?”

John looks at the director while what he says sinks in. I’m in a movie, he thinks. And this place is a set. Looking around the stage he figures this is a low budget deal. "Why is everything in shades of gray like an old movie?” he asks hopefully.

The director looks at him like he just grew another head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is this some kind of DT delirium?”

“No, no,” John replies, shaking his head.

“Ok, ok everyone, we do a close up of Bob lunging at the witchdoctor when he comes into the hut and then get the stunt double to fight him. We have to get this episode in the can today. “Ok, everyone! Places! Stuntman!” he shouts into the megaphone.

John gets back on the floor of the native hut. The director yells ‘Action’ and the witchdoctor bursts through the door and shouts at him. He lunges at the actor, pushing him backwards.

“Cut!” the director shouts. “Jeezus, Bob! My six year old wouldn’t believe that!”

They reset the scene and he tries it again. It takes three more shots with the director getting more and more frustrated with each one. Finally, he shouts cut and print. The crew starts setting up for the next scene. The witchdoctor goes over to the craft table and gets a coffee and doughnut.

John walks over to a dressing table and looks in the mirror. A stranger looks back at him. This is just like that TV show I watched as a kid, Quantum something or another, he thinks. He keeps looking in the mirror until he is startled by a woman’s voice behind him.

“Hey, Bob! Get another table if you want to admire yourself, this one’s mine!”

“Uh, sorry,” he stammers and walks away.

The day in the movie stage is long. A series of retakes and the director continually yelling cut at his scenes. Near as he can figure out, his name is Bob Hanson and he is an actor in a low budget, cheesy movie serial like the ones they had in the 40’s. Finally, they shoot the last scene and the director shouts out, “Cut! Print! That’s it people, that’s a wrap.”

The crew turn off the lamps and start to walk off the set. John looks around for a door with his name on it. No private dressing room he figures. Following some people, he goes to a room and finds his locker with his street clothes in it. While changing, a man walks in and starts handing out envelopes to the people there.

“Here’s your paystub for the week Bob. Can’t really see how you earned it. Try to come in sober on Monday,” and he walks away.

John stuffs the paystub in his coat and walks out wondering what to do next. Just then a woman hands him a large manila envelope.

“Here’s your script for next week. Try to learn your lines,” she says tiredly.

“I’m sorry, can you tell me where this is,” he says, showing her the address on the pay stub.

She looks at him and after several moments replies, “You really must have had a few last night.”

“Please?”

“Ok, that’s on East 42nd street. On the other side of town.

“How do I get there?”

“Get a cab,” she says walking away

.

Looking in his wallet he decides against that idea.

Going outside, he sees some people standing at a bus stop. Approaching one person he asks, ”Does this bus go to East 42nd street?”

“No, but it goes close to it, I think. Ask the driver when to get off.”

He gets on the bus with the others and after a long trip he reaches the street that the driver told him to get off at. Not a nice section of town John thinks to himself. After going down several streets, he sees his destination, a run down hotel. Walking in he is immediately accosted by a person behind the counter.

“Hey, Hanson. Your rent is overdue! Pay up or get out.”

John shows him his pay stub. “I’ll pay you. Can you tell me what room I’m in?”

“Kind of early in the day for this. Usually you’re not like this until much later in the night.”

“Please?”

“Ok, room 306.”

“Thanks,” and he walks away while the guy stares at him.

“And I want that rent by tomorrow!”

John walks to the elevator and sees the out of order sign on it. Figures he thinks. Somehow he makes it to his floor, gasping at the top of the stairs. His room is down the hall and after several tries, he finds the key that opens the door. Inside, he sees what could only be described as a dump. A pull down bed, small table and chairs, an oven and refrigerator make up the ‘living room’. He would have to step outside the bathroom to change his mind. An equally small closet holds his clothes. Exhausted, mentally and physically, he sits down in a chair at the table and wonders what he has gotten himself into. This guy who’s body he now inhabits must have been quite a drinker, judging by the bottles on the table. Also judging by the way people on the movie set treated him, he must have been quite a jerk. Looking in the fridge, John can see that it is mostly empty like his stomach. He dreads the trip back down the stairs and back up again but the bare fridge gives him little choice.

Walking back down the stairs he goes to a diner he passed on the way. He sits at the counter and orders a sandwich and coffee.

“Kind of early in the day, Bob. You don’t usually drag your ass in here until much later after you finish blowing your pay stub at Moe’s”

“Uh, yes. Uh, speaking of pay stubs, do you know where I can cash this,” he says, showing the waitress the check.

“Wassamatter? Moe’s won’t take it?”

“Please?” he implored.

“Ok, ok, just don’t get all weepy over it. Go to the market across the street. Buy something and show them this stub. Sign it and they’ll give you the cash amount minus what you bought.”

“Thank you,“ he replies smiling.

“Yeah, my good deed for the day.”

John slowly trudges back up the stairs with his bag of groceries. After opening the door to his place, he puts them on the table and collapses in a chair to rest. I should’ve exercised more like Cheryl said, he thinks. Later, after putting the groceries away he pulls the cot down and gets ready for bed. Lying there in the dark he tries to make sense of the day’s events. The last thing he can remember is being in the lab with Frank when there was a flash of light and the next thing he knows some guy is yelling “ooogaa, boogaaa” at him.

Bob Hanson finds himself standing in the middle of a strange room. “What?” is all he can say. What happened to the witchdoctor’s hut. Where are the lights and the cameras? The stuff surrounding him looked scientific, a lot better than the stuff they made for that mad scientist episode. And everything looks funny. His white shirt and black shoes are normal enough but everything else is strange looking.

“Are you alright, John?” a man says while running up to him.

“What? Where am I? And who are you?”

“Maybe you’d better sit down,” he says, pulling out a chair.

“Where am I, where’s the set and where’s Jim? Why does everything look funny?”

“I don’t know what you mean. You’re John, I’m Frank. You were in the chamber working while I made some adjustments on the generator. There was a flash and that’s all I know.”

“Who’s John? My name is Bob Hanson. I’m an actor. Where’s the set? And what is all this? Everything looks strange.”

“There’s no set here. This is a lab. Where did you get those crazy ideas?”

“I tell you my name is Bob Hanson! You got any whiskey around here? I need a drink.”

“What? You don’t drink John, except for some wine at dinner.”

“The hell you say. I need a drink. A good stiff one.”

“Look, why don’t you go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face.” Frank points him towards the bathroom and he goes in and shuts the door.

This didn't look like any bathroom he could recall, Bob thinks. All the fixtures were different. He looks in the mirror and cries out in alarm.

Frank rushes in and sees the man staring at the mirror.

“Who is that?”

“That’s you, John.”

“No, it's not. That’s someone else!” he shouts.

“I'd better get you to a doctor,” Frank says.

The trip to the doctor was interesting to say the least. Frank looked at his friend gawking and staring at everything around him like he had never seen it before. He even had to show him how to put on the seatbelt and shoulder strap. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong. Even said John’s eyesight is fine although he did suggest reading glasses. The doctor then wrote a prescription for a mild sedative to help him relax and pronounced him fit.

“Now what?” Bob asks sullenly.

“We’ll get the prescription filled and then I’m taking you home.”

Bob is quiet all the way to what this guy says is his place. Everything is strange. Nothing makes any sense. He is seeing places and things that he has never seen before. Then the car stops in front of a large, multistory building.

“Well, here we are.”

“What is it?” Bob asks quizzically.

“Don’t you remember your apartment?”

“No.”

“Ok. I’ll show you. They go up the stairs and down the hall to a door with the number 207 on it. Bob looks at the door and then Frank.

“Got your keys?”

Bob reaches into his pant’s pocket and pulls out a keychain with several keys on it and gives it to Frank. He selects a key and opens the door with it. They go in and Bob just stares at everything inside the apartment. A lot nicer than that dump of a hotel I’ve been living in, he thinks.

“Are you going to be ok here?” Frank asks.

“Yeah, sure,” John says, opening the refrigerator, one of the few things that looks familiar. Lots of food inside, which is good since he is starved.

“Ok, good. If you need me, just call. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning at eight.”

“Call you?”

“Sure, on the phone there,” he says pointing at it on the wall.

Bob picks it up and stares at it. God! Now what, Frank thinks. He takes the phone and shows him how to use it.

Satisfied that his friend will be ok, Frank leaves him alone in the apartment. Bob walks around the place, checking out the different rooms. A lot nicer than what he was used to. A large glass panel stands against the wall in the living room facing a sofa. No knobs or switches he can see, so what does it do? Also unfortunately, no whiskey or beer anywhere. Just some bottles of wine. In the freezer he sees something called ‘Microwave Burrito’, whatever the hell that is. He gets some sandwich meats, bread and stuff and makes himself a sandwich while pondering his situation. He is still scared, but not as much as before. On the bright side, he has a nice place to live and plenty to eat. Now he is starting to feel bored. Lets see what this place has to offer, he thinks. Getting the key chain, he finds the one that fits the door and locks it behind him.

Outside, he looks down the street, first one way and then another. Picking a direction, Bob starts walking. Several blocks ahead of him he sees the first thing he recognizes since this crazy mixup started, a liquor store!

Walking inside, he quickly realizes how expensive everything is. The people in this world must be rich, he thinks. Looking in his wallet, he decides to get the cheaper stuff. At least he recognizes some of the liquors he likes and buys a few bottles.

Back in the apartment he puts the bottles on the counter, uncorks one and pours some whiskey into a glass. Sitting on the sofa in the living room, he sips his drink. Now what, he thinks. What do people here do for entertainment? Is that black glass box like a movie screen? But where is the projector? All he can find is a small, black box with buttons on it, sitting on the table next to him.

Out of curiosity he picks it up and randomly pushes the buttons. Suddenly the black box shows a picture and sound is coming from it. Startled, he almost spills his drink. Settling back down, he watches it for several minutes. People talking, boring! He tries pressing more buttons and the volume and picture change. So this is what they do, he thinks. Finally after much effort, he finds something that looks halfway interesting, a movie of sorts, he surmises. He refills his glass and settles back on the sofa to watch.

The next morning Frank walks up to John’s apartment and knocks on the door. No answer. He continues knocking and finally a man answers the door, half asleep and still slightly drunk.

“Huh?” he says.

“John! What happened to you?”

“Who’s John?”

Frank walks in and sees the empty bottles by the chair in front of the TV which is still on. ”Oh my God, John. What have you done?”

“Who’s John?”

“Come on, sit down at the table while I fix you some coffee. Frank gets the coffee maker going and Bob stares in fascination at the coffee dripping into the pot. He then grabs a breakfast bowl from the freezer and pops it in the microwave. Bob is even more amazed when Frank pushes some buttons on what looks like a large toaster oven while it beeps and then hums.

“Microwave,” he says, pointing at the oven.

“Microwave Burrito! Microwave Burrito!” Bob says excitedly, as Frank pulls out the steaming bowl and places it in front of him.

“Burrito?”

“No, it’s a breakfast bowl with scrambled eggs and sausage.”

“No catsup?” he asks wistfully.

Frank gets a bottle and watches as Bob pours copious amounts over his meal.

“Look, you’re no good to me in the lab today. Stay here and sleep it off. Don’t go outside, just stay in and watch TV.”

“What’s teeeveee?”

Frank rolls his eyes and stares up at the heavens. “Just sit in the chair and watch this, pointing at the TV set. Using the remote, he picks a movie channel. “Just watch this.”

“Ok," he says smiling.

“I’ll call you on the phone later to make sure you’re ok,” pointing to the set on the wall. You have food in the fridge and bottled water to drink, which I suggest you use instead of booze.”

“Ok!” Bob replies.

I really need to find out what happened to him, Frank thinks as he closes the door behind him.

John wakes up in his dump of a room, his back sore from the crummy mattress. He looks at the clock on the table. Almost nine AM. He must’ve been more tired than he realized. Rubbing his sore back, he gets up and goes over to the fridge and gets out some eggs and bacon. He starts frying them in the one pan he can find and plugs in the coffee pot for some coffee. Sitting down at the table, he ponders his situation. Ok, something happened in the lab. I was in the chamber and Frank was calibrating the generator. There was a flash and now he finds himself in another person’s body, in a world that looks like an old 40’s movie. Even down to everything in black and white, which should be impossible. Is this a parallel world where the laws of physics are different? If so, how can he contact Frank? Does Frank know what’s happened to him? What happened to the lab after he disappeared? He is at a complete loss as to what to do next, thinking how could things get much worse? Suddenly there is a loud pounding at the door. Things just got worse, he thinks.

“Hanson! Hanson! Are you there? Wake up and open this door!”

John puts on his pants and opens the door. The man from behind the counter downstairs is standing in the doorway, an angry expression on his face.

“I’m here for the rent! I get it now or I’m tossing you out. You’re two weeks behind!”

John rubs his face and says tiredly, “How much?”

“Forty bucks, in cash,” the landlord says.

He looks in his wallet. If I’m careful, I can get by until the next payday. He then hands several bills to the man who takes them and stuffs them in his pocket.

“Ok, but next time you’re late like this I’m tossing you out!” he says and walks away.

John closes the door and sits back down at the table. He puts his head in his hands and just sits there, pondering his situation. Great, he thinks. Now I’m almost broke. What to do now? Without any better ideas, he decides to try and get to know this world better. Dressing himself, he leaves his room and goes down the stairs and walks outside. The day is sunny and clear as he goes down the street.

Frank is busy in the lab going over the events of the previous day. He was calibrating the generator when something happened. The computer shows a spike in power sent to the chamber where John was busy adjusting the synchro phaser coils. The energy spike is off the scale according to the readings, way more than what the generator should be capable of producing. Opening up the generator cabinet he sees what happened, one of the main power flux capacitors is burned out. Apparently it shorted and in a fraction of a second it delivered an awesome burst of energy to the chamber’s coils. Great, he thinks. Fortunately he has a spare, it’ll just take a few hours to replace it.

Going back to his computer, he looks at the chamber’s energy profile when the spike occurred. The waveforms are like nothing he’s ever seen. He wishes Frank was here, this is more his forte. All they were trying to do was to find a way to transport matter via a quantum entanglement. Simple, huh? He is busy going over the equations when Cheryl walks in.

“Hey, Frank! Hon! What’s up?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Hi Cheryl. Sorry, I'm just distracted here.”

“Uh, huh,” says glancing at the computer screen. “Where’s John?”

“You'd better sit down. We had an accident of some sort here yesterday.”

“What happened? Is John hurt? Is he ok?”

“He’s ok, sort of. There was a power surge and a flash in the chamber where he was working. He’s fine, physically. He just doesn't know me or anything else and he thinks he is an actor named Bob Hanson.”

“What? Where is he now?”

“I took him home yesterday after I had a doctor look at him. I checked on him this morning. He was drunk. I saw several bottles in the living room.”

“John doesn't drink!” Cheryl cries out.

“I know, I know. It’s like he is really a different person.

Cheryl just stood there, letting the news sink in. “So, what do we do now?”

“He’s at home now. He’s got food. His car is still here. I told him to stay put, not to leave the apartment. What I have to do now is figure out exactly what happened. Somehow we had a huge power surge that caused a momentary Einsteinian bridge to occur between our universe and another one as a result of quantum entanglement.”

“A what?”

“Remember that Star Trek episode when the landing party accidentally got transported into the evil parallel universe and Spock had a beard?”

“Oh, yeah!”

“Something like that happened to John I think. Only it seems like his mind, his psyche was transferred into another person’s body. And that person's mind was transferred into his.”

“Oh, God what are we going to do? He’s trapped in some strange universe in another person's body. With no way home!”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.”

“Can’t you just reverse the process or something like that and get him back?”

“This isn’t some TV show where the writer invents something that saves the heroes in the last five minutes of the show.”

“I need to see him,” she declares.

“I think we should go together. He doesn’t know you, and I think it would be quite a shock for both of you.”

John walked down the city streets of this strange place for hours. Everything looks like some 40’s movie, even down to the cars and clothing people wore. He half expected to see Humphrey Bogart coming out of one the buildings followed by Laren Bacall. Speaking of the devil, he saw up ahead a movie marquee. The actors' names and movie titles meant nothing to him except for the one saying, “Jungle Jim and the Amazons!”. The movie poster shows Jungle Jim fighting off a horde of natives while holding the blonde heroine in his arms. John looks in his pockets and figures he can afford a matinee. Going inside, he sits down in the darkness just as the movie is starting. To say the movie was cheesy and low budget would have been a compliment. So this is the person whose body I am living in, he thinks. No wonder he drinks so much.

Coming out of the movie theater, he sees it is getting late, so he hurries down the street back to his hotel. Passing some kids on a stoop, they start to follow him. Nervous, he quickened his pace and they did the same. Now frightened, he starts to run down the street with the kids close behind him.Up ahead he sees a woman going into a building carrying some sacks. He puts on a spurt of speed and reaches her before she closes the door. He gets inside and slams it behind him. The woman screams in fright at him standing there, panting heavily, with his back against the door.

“It’s ok! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he says frantically. “Some kids were chasing me. Please don’t be scared.”

The woman just stares at him while he catches his breath, unsure what to do. Finally she speaks up, “Maybe you should come into my place and stay for a while to make sure they have gone.” She walks down the hall, opens a door and waits for John to follow her.

“Thank you,” he says after she closes the door behind him. Looking around, he sees a place much like his own, only nicer.

“Would you like some tea while you’re waiting?” she asks quietly.

“Yes, please. That would be nice,” he replies, sitting at the kitchen table.

After putting the kettle on the burner, she sits down opposite John. “My name is Bonnie, Bonnie Tyler.”

“My name is John Hudson. I’m, uh, new in town. I had just finished watching a movie and I was walking home when this happened.”

“Oh, yes. The Bijou. I go there often.” Just then the kettle started whistling. She gets up and pours the hot water into a pot and adds some tea bags. “People around here learn not to go out at night alone.”

“I see,” he replies.

“Sugar?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’d offer you something more, but I don’t have much. Between rent and groceries there isn’t much left over.”

“I know how that is.”

Bonnie pours the tea into John’s cup and then hers. “I work as a secretary in an office on the other side of town. This,” she says pointing at the room, “is all I can afford.”

“It’s very nice. I have a job on the other side of town too.”

“You probably noticed my accent.”

“It’s very nice.”

“My family immigrated here when I was a baby with my grandmother. I don’t remember it. They died in the plague 20 years ago and Gran raised me. She died ten years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. My parents are still around. They live in another part of the country,” John replies. “So it’s just you now?”

“Yes. I’ve been here for over two years. It’s not all that bad once you get used to it. I, um, have some soup and we could have bread too, would like that?”

“Yes, I would. Can I help you with anything?”

“The bowls are in the cabinet and silverware is in the drawer.” She gets two cans of soup from the pantry and pours them into a pot and sets it on the stove.

John busies himself setting up the table for them. Bonnie puts a loaf of bread on the table with butter from the fridge. When the soup is hot she pours it into two bowls for them and they sit down at the table.

The meal is simple but filling, but the conversation more than makes up for its plainess. They talk about many things. John has never met a woman like this before. He feels bad about making up his past, but he is afraid she would throw him out if she knew the truth. Finally when they are done, John realizes that he has stayed later than he thought and it is dark outside. The idea of walking these streets at night after the earlier incident frightens him.

“Oh, my God. I’ve kept you here much too late. You shouldn’t be out alone at this time of night!” Bonnie cries out.

“It’s alright. I can manage. Really.”

“You, you could stay here if you wanted to,” she says nervously.

John looks into her eyes and knows what she wants, and he has to admit after talking to her, it’s what he wants too. They both glance at the pull down bed and then back at each other. She pulls it down and he moves over to her and kisses her on the forehead, then the cheek and then the lips. She puts her arms around him and draws him close to her body. He moves his hand up her side and cups her breast in his hand. He hears her gasp softly as he gently squeezes it.

“Let me go get ready in the bathroom and you can get yourself ready too. I’m sorry, I don’t have pajamas,” she says smiling at him.

“That’s alright. You just get ready and I‘ll turn down the bed for us.” After she goes into the bathroom, he takes off his clothes, pulls down the covers and gets under them. A few minutes later, Bonnie comes out of the bathroom wearing her nightgown. She flicks off the light and slides next to him in the bed as John puts his arms around her and kisses her lips gently. They let the darkness and quiet cover them.

Frank and Cheryl were busy the whole day at the lab. The new flux capacitor took several hours to replace and calibrate. Finally they had the chamber up and powered again. Frank looks at the screen while the events of the previous days are re-played on the screen.

“You see? Right there! That’s when it happened. And look at that power spike! It’s off the scale!

“Any Idea what happened to him or where he went?” Mary asked.

“Not much at this point. Guessing from the guy whose mind he swapped with, he is in a human world probably much like our own. This guy, Bob Hanson, says he’s an actor. So I imagine John was transferred into a studio of some kind. I can just imagine him in that kind of setting,” he says chuckling.

“Yeah, really. He’s not that kind of guy,” she replies. “So, now what?”

“I still have a lot of work to do. This could take days or longer. Looking at the clock he says, ”Let's call it a day. I’m bushed and we should go and check in on ‘John’.”

“I’ll follow you there. I need to see this for myself,” Cheryl adds.

“Ok, just be prepared for a shock.”

They drive together to the apartment. Cheryl stands by Frank at the door, waiting for him to knock on it.

“Ready?”

“Yes,” she stammers.

He knocks three times and they wait. After two minutes he knocks again, harder this time. “John! It's Frank. Open up!” he calls out. Inside they hear some activity inside and a minute later the door opens to the sight of ‘Bob’ holding his pants up with one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.

“Oh, ‘ello. It’s you. And who do we have here,” he says smiling at Cheryl, who just stands in the doorway stunned from what she sees. “Sorry about this,” he says looking down at the trousers. “Wasn’t expecting company.”

“I thought I said to stay inside!” Frank says, barely controlling his anger.

“I got bored. Bored! Bored! Bored! So I just got something to help pass the time.You want some?” he says, waving the bottle at them.

They walk past him in the doorway and see the living room littered with various fast food packets and bottles of alcohol. The puedo-John looks at the mess, Saying, “I was just getting comfortable after watching the teeeveee all day. Is that what it’s called?” before plopping down on the sofa.

Cheryl stays silent throughout this exchange, unable to believe what she sees. Finally she speaks up. “John, I’m Cheryl. Don’t you remember me?”

“I sure would if I did, sweetie,” says leering at her. “Who’s John?”

“Frank says you were in the lab when something happened. What do you remember?”

“Aw, hell. The last thing I remember I was on the Jungle Jim set filming when all of a sudden I popped into this mad scientist's lab. No offense there,” bud.

‘What is ‘Jungle Jim’?” Mary asks.

“I’m Jungle Jim! World famous explorer and adventurer!” he says proudly, puffing up his chest.

Cheryl just looks at Frank in exasperation. “Ok, so you’re an actor. Right. What is your real name?”

“Bob Hanson,” sweetie.

“Ok, Bob, listen to me carefully. Your mind or psyche or whatever has been switched with John Hudson, Frank's lab partner. To all outward appearances you still look like our John. Based on that, I think that John appeared on the set of Jungle Jim at the same moment you appeared in the lab here.”

Bob just stares at them for several moments before saying, “And you think I’m the crazy one! I need a drink,” he says, reaching for a bottle.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Frank replies, grabbing the bottle.

“Do you think anyone on the set knows what happened?” Bob asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Crap! There goes my career, in the hands of an amateur! Can you explain why everything looks so strange?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean everything is wrong,” John says, sweeping the room with his hand.”

“Can you describe it?” Cheryl asks.

“Well, his shirt looks ok, pointing at Frank. White, and his shoes also look right, black. But your dress looks wrong. Looks kind of like nantle, but it doesn’t.”

“Nantle?”

“Yeah, and this carpet kind of looks like flet, but it isn't.”

“Just a moment,” Frank says and he goes to John's closet and returns with several clothes. He holds up a gray wool suit. What does this look like to you?”

“Now, that’s right!”

“And this blue blazer?”

“Kind of like the carpet, like flun. Only darker.”

Frank looks over at Cheryl and says,” Incredible as it may seem, it appears that Bob here comes from a world where everything is shades of gray, like an old black and white movie.”

“How is that possible?” she replies, stunned by the news.

“I don’t know. I’m guessing that the physical laws of that universe are different from ours.”

“John is in a black and white world like an old movie,” she says incredulously. “Then why can’t he see colors?” she asks, pointing at Bob.

“How do you explain colors to someone who has never seen them?”

Bob just looks at the both of them. “What the hell. I need that drink,” and he pours himself some whiskey.

“What do we do, Frank?” Cheryl asks.

“I don’t know. This is beginning to sound like some grade B science fiction movie, but it’s real. John is in another universe, with no way to contact him.”

“I think I’ll have that drink now,” she says, reaching for the bottle.

John wakes up in the bed with Bonnie beside him, light streaming through the window. He stirs and she turns over in her sleep. Glancing at the clock on the wall he sees it’s after eight. He gets out of bed slowly and starts to dress himself. Bonnie rolls over and looks at him and yawns.

“What time is it?”

“It’s after eight.”

“I should get up and make us some breakfast,” she says, yawning again as she goes into the bathroom.

“I really don’t mean to be any trouble. You don’t don’t have to fix me anything.”

“Oh it’s no problem, but could you start the coffee and I’ll fix us some eggs and toast,” she calls out from the bathroom.

John finishes dressing and puts the coffee in the pot just as Bonnie comes out of the bathroom. She gets some eggs from the refrigerator and starts frying them in the pan. The aroma of coffee and eggs is enticing and he has to admit he is hungry.

Later over breakfast they say little, but John feels she was thinking the same thing he is, which is what do we do now?

When they are done, he finally speaks up and says,” I have to go now. I have things I have to take care of. I really enjoyed my time with you. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“Will I see you again?” she asks quietly.

“Yes! Yes! Of course! But there are things I have to do back at my place.”

“Can I ask where you live?”

“It’s a hotel on East 42nd street. The Hamilton.”

“That dump!” she exclaims suddenly. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything.”

“It’s alright. And you’re right about the place. But that's all I can afford right now.”

“When will I see you next?”

John thinks about his current situation and decides to tell her.

“Bonnie,” there’s something I have to tell you.”

“Uh, oh,” she says, her heart sinking. “Are you in trouble? Are you wanted by the law?”

“Nothing so simple. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in this world of yours.”

“What?”

“A few days ago I was in a lab with my friend, Frank, and we were doing some adjustments to the chamber when all of a sudden I found myself on the set of some movie with a guy dressed like a witch doctor shouting at me.”

“A movie set?” she replies incredulously.

“Yes! I’m in the body of some guy named Bob Hanson who plays this character named Jungle Jim!”

“I thought you looked familiar.”

“Anyways, I can only assume that he is now in my body, in my universe.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I hope Frank is now trying to find a way to get me back or at least try to communicate with me. If he can't do that and he finds a way to return us to our right universes, it means that at any moment I could re-appear in the chamber in my normal body. That could be a day, a week or a year.”

“I see. And this Bob Hanson guy would be back in his body. Here. And you would be gone forever,” Bonnie replies sadly.

“Yes,” as he looks at her face. “I'm sorry.”

“What were you doing in this lab?”

“We were trying to make an Einsteinian bridge teleport device using quantum entanglement.”

“What?”

“You sound just like Cheryl.”

“And who is Cheryl?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, she’s Frank's girlfriend. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“That’s better.”

“Well, I have to go now, back to my place. I have lines to memorize for tomorrow's shooting,”

“Let me come with you. I want to spend as much time as I can with you.”

“It’s several blocks from here.”

“That’s ok,” she replies.

They walked together back to John’s hotel. Arriving, Bonnie wrinkled her nose looking at it from the street. Steeling herself, she walks beside him. The guy behind the front desk gives them a leer looking at Bonnie. Bob doesn’t say anything and leads her to the stairs.

“Yes, the elevator is out and it’s three flights up.” She gives him a look and starts up the steps. By the third floor they were both gasping for breath. John points down the hall and after rummaging through his keys, unlocks the door to his apartment. Bonnie takes a few steps in with John right behind her. “Yes, It's a dump,” he says.

“Not too bad, though it could use a woman's touch.”

“Yes, at the controls of a bulldozer.”

Bonnie laughs at this as she sits down at the table. “Is that a script?” she asks, pointing at the large envelope on the table.

“Yes. Coffee? I have to warn you it’s pretty bad.”

“Please,” she replies, smiling. She looks through the script. “Jungle Jim and the Undersea Devils,” she reads out imperiously. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Still want to help me with it? You’ve been warned.”

They spent the rest of the day going over the atrocious dialog while drinking bad coffee. At times it was all they could do to keep from laughing out loud from the bad dialog.

Cheryl and Frank spent the evening at John’s place, learning more from ‘Bob’ about the world he came from and keeping him from getting more whiskey. Finally satisfied that he would stay put in the apartment, they left him snoring in his bed.

“What now, Frank?” Cheryl asks.

“I’ll come get him tomorrow morning and bring him to the lab. At least that way I can keep an eye on him and keep him out of trouble. And sober.”

“Call me when you get to the lab.”

The next morning Frank is back at the apartment. After knocking several times, a rather disheveled Bob lets him in.

“How do you feel?

“I need a drink,” Bob replies.

“Well, take a shower and get dressed instead and then we’ll eat. You’re staying with me today so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Oh, joy.”

After Bob washed and dressed himself, Frank took them to a diner for breakfast. John eagerly eats his breakfast while Frank just sits in silence, his mind on other things.

“Not bad. A lot better than what I’m used to,” he says, taking large bites out of his stack of pancakes.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Now what?” he asks, after finishing off the last of his breakfast.

“We go to the lab, remember it? That’s where you first appeared. And you sit and behave yourself.” They get up from the table and Frank drives them to the university. He unlocks the lab door and walks in, followed closely by Bob.

“Snazzy layout. Did I tell you I once did a movie where I fought a mad scientist? His lab looked nothing like this one.”

“Go sit over there. Don’t. Touch. Anything. Understand?”

“Great. Two minutes here and I’m already bored. You don’t even have teeeveee to watch,” John says sullenly.

Frank looks to the heavens and says nothing for several seconds. “There’s a lounge down the hall with a TV. If you promise to stay there, I’ll let you go.”

“Ok.”

They go down the hall to the lounge and Frank shows him how to work the remote to select channels to watch. Apparently happy, he leaves Bob there. Going back to the lab, he continues looking over the events of the other day. After several hours, he is no closer to finding a solution than when this whole mess started. Needle in a haystack? Hell, he’s looking for a needle in a field full of haystacks. Frustrated, he decides to take a break and go look in on John. Walking through the doorway, he sees him holding a young woman in arms, both of them kissing passionately.

“Oh, my God! Bob!”

“Oh, hello Frank. Uh, this is Mary. She's a student here. That’s right, isn’t it, Mary.”

“It’s Mindy. Yes, I’m an undergrad,” she replies nervously, quickly buttoning her blouse.

Oh, God, Frank thinks. This is all I need now.

"Hey, Frank, uh, Mindy here wants to show me around, is that alright with you? Isn’t that what you said Mindy?”

“Uh,huh,” she says smiling at him.

“Why me Lord?” Frank says to himself.

Just then Cheryl walks through the door. “Hey, everyone!” Just then she sees Bob with a young girl on the sofa, buttoning her shirt. “Oh, my God! What is going on here?”

“Oh hi, Cheryl. This is Mindy. She’s an undergrad student. I left John here to watch TV and they just met.”

“Mindy? Really? You missed a button there, dear.”

“Ooops, sorry,” she replies blushing.“ Bob tells me he’s an actor and he’s been in the movies!”

“Hey! Where can I get a cell phone? Mindy showed me her’s!” Bob says.

“I’m sure she did,” Cheryl comments sarcastically. Turning to Frank she says,”I came here to see if you had made any progress and if you wanted to go out to lunch.”

“No, to the first question and yes, to the second. I could use a break,” Frank replies.

“University cafeteria ok?”

“Sure. C’mon Bob, and you too Mindy, if you want. We’re going to the University cafeteria for lunch.”

Mindy jumps up and down excitedly and hugs Bob. “I’ll show you everything on the way over there.”

Frank and Cheryl just look at each other.

The lunch at the cafeteria was fortunately uneventful. Bob and Mindy sat at one table, chatting eagerly with each other, Frank and Cheryl at a table next to them.

“Well, what's the news, “ Cheryl asks Frank.

“I've got terabytes of data to go through. Even with my server, it could take weeks or longer. I need the university’s computer to do the calculations. But they have a long waiting list. It could be a month or more.”

“I see. In the meantime we have to babysit ‘Rudolph Valentino’ over there.”

“You want to take him for a while? It would help.”

“Do you have a leash and collar?”

“Just make sure the two of them don’t go off alone,” he says, looking over at the next table.

“She’s gotta be half his age,” Cheryl comments.

John and Mindy had been going over the Jungle Jim script when John noticed the time.

“Oh, my gosh! Look at the time! I’ve gotta get you back to your apartment before it’s too late.”

“You’re right,” Bonnie replied. “We’d better get going. It’s a way from here.”

Fortunately the walk over to her apartment was uneventful. John walks her to the door of her building and kisses her good night.

“When will I see you again?” she asks hopefully, “Assuming you don't, you know.”

“I don’t think I'll have time during the week to get here. I’ll see you Saturday morning. I promise.”

“Ok. You’d better get going. It’s getting late now,” and she walks inside the doorway.

The next day John is back at the studio. Everybody comments on his sobriety, evidently a welcome change from previous Mondays. Even the director is amazed that he knows most of his lines and the filming goes much better than the first time. When he finally gets home after an exhausting day at the studio, he just plops down on his folding bed and stares at the cracks in the ceiling. So that's the glamorous life of show biz, he thinks. Too tired to do much else, he just lay there until his growling stomach urges him to fix something to eat. Over a simple supper he ponders his situation. Is this how it’s going to be?, he asks himself. The addition of Bonnie to this new life complicates things. What is Frank doing? Probably doing his best to figure out what happened to him and trying to find a way to return him to his proper universe. If that is even possible. These and many other questions continue to plague him for the rest of the night while he struggles to get some rest for the busy next day.

Sitting at his console, Frank is hard at work, figuratively beating his head against the screen in an effort to make sense of the data on it. The university approved his request and he got bumped ahead of the others waiting to use its server. But he is still no closer to an answer than when this whole fiasco started. Fortunately, Cheryl keeps a close eye on Bob, who is now mainly interested in Mindy and has cut back on his heavy drinking. Which was probably a blessing in disguise. Just then the three of them came in through the lab door.

“Hello, Frank! Any good news today?” Cheryl calls out.

“Huh? Oh, hi. Sorry nothing to report. Right now I’m working through these Fourier Transforms of the chamber’s wave patterns. I’m hoping that they may give me the equivalent of ripples in a pond that can lead me to the source of the transfer. How is our ‘guest’?”

“Behaving himself generally, now that he has a new chew toy to keep him occupied. Hey! Bob!! Don’t touch that! What did I say earlier?” Bob looks at her and puts down the piece of equipment he was examining. “Why don’t you and Mindy go to the lounge while I talk with Frank here. And no funny stuff!” she shouts, as they walk out the door. “Sometimes I wonder which one is worse,” Cheryl says.

“You have my sympathy.”

“So now what?”

Frank leans back, stretches his body out and settles back in the chair. “It’s just slow going. I may have something more definite in a few days. Then we may try to replicate the circumstances that led to the transfer.”

“Will John feel or sense anything?”

“I don’t know. I’m going to try it without blowing half the equipment in here. Hopefully, he may just pop back into his old body and John will return to his.”

“Uh, huh. Ok, you on for dinner tonight? You look like you could use a good meal and some rest.”

“Sure, see you then,” and he turns back to his screen.

“See ya. Now I gotta go and pry those two apart.”

John could hardly wait for Friday to come. An end to the filming grind and a chance to see Bonnie again. He wakes up early Saturday morning and heads out to her apartment. Standing in front of her door, he knocks nervously, not sure what to expect. After a minute the door opens and she throws her arms around him.

“Oh, John! You’re back! It is you, John, isn’t it?” she asks hesitantly.

“Yes, it's me. I’m still here.”

“Come in, come in! Have you had breakfast yet? I can make us something.”

“I’d like that,” he says, smiling at her.

Over breakfast, John recounts the week’s filming at the studio while Bonnie listens closely.

“Believe me, this whole show biz thing is overrated.”

“Can’t be much worse than being a secretary,” she says, smiling at him. “What would you like to do today? We can go to the park, maybe catch a show?”

“I’d like that, I still don’t know my way around.”

They take a bus downtown and walk along the streets, looking in the stores. They see a theater and enjoy watching the movie, laughing all the way through the Jungle Jim short. After lunch at a diner they stroll through a park, each holding the other close. John has never felt so happy in all his life and for a short period he forgets where he is.

“Are you sure this will work?” Cheryl asks nervously.

“No, but it’s the best I can think of based on what I know. Hopefully this will recreate the circumstances of John’s disappearance. This shunt will send a surge of power to the chamber just like when he was in it. The coils are configured the same way so it should create a link to that other universe like it did before. John’s transfer has created a ripple effect in that universe that I can follow wherever he goes.

“What does Bob do?”

“He just stands in the chamber. The process is instantaneous. One moment he is here, and the next he’s back in his old universe and John is back here in his. Go get him while I make some final adjustments.”

Cheryl leaves and returns with Bob and Mindy in tow. She directs him to the chamber and tells her to stand in a corner and be quiet.

“Wow! This reminds me of the scene in Jungle Jim versus the Mad Scientist where he was going to zap me and my leading lady! This won't hurt will it?”

“Did it the first time? Ok! Ready everyone. Here goes nothing!” Frank presses a switch and the equipment starts humming. The humming increases in pitch until the sound is almost deafening. Suddenly there is a flash in the chamber and the smell of burnt components fills the room. The man standing in the chamber wobbles a bit and he calls out, “Frank? Is that you?”

“John?” Frank cries out. Just then the air in the chamber shimmers and the man in it falls to the floor. Cheryl runs over to John, calling out his name. The man looks up at her and mutters, “Who’s John? I’m Bob.”

Bob and Bonnie are walking through the park as evening falls. He reaches over to kiss her when suddenly he feels a wave of vertigo and nausea come over him. The air around him starts shimmering. He falls to his knees and Bonnie grabs him, not knowing what is happening. Suddenly he is back in the lab, back in the chamber. He looks across the room and sees his buddy Frank, sitting at the console. “Frank? Is that you?” Just then another wave of nausea and disorientation sweeps over him and he is back in the park, lying on the ground with Bonnie holding him.

“John! What happened? You just collapsed. When I called your name you said “My name is Bob.”

“I was back in the lab, for just a moment. The other guy must’ve been here for the same amount of time. And then I came back here.”

“Why? What’s going on?” she cries out, her face in tears.

“They must’ve tried to get me back, but for some reason it didn’t work.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. Right now I feel weak and dizzy. Help me to that bench. Let me sit down and rest for a minute and try to figure this out. This isn’t like the first time, something’s different. Something’s gone wrong.”

They both sit on the park bench for several minutes while John gathers his wits. Bonnie is inconsolable, faced with losing her love.

“Don’t leave me John, not even for a minute. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“Let’s go home,” he says.

“Any ideas, Frank?” Cheryl asks, when they return from the lounge where John is recovering from his ordeal with Mindy watching him.

“I don’t know,” he replies, studying the screen. ”I think an unknown factor has entered the equation. John has become ‘acclimated’ for the lack of a better term, to his new universe. And Bob to this one. I configured the system to the power levels they were when the transfer first occurred. But now they have become more firmly attached to each universe and the power levels were insufficient. That's why he was only here momentarily.”

“Can you increase the power levels?” Cheryl asks.

“Yes, but only just to a point. The bottom line is that unless we retrieve him within the next few days it will become impossible to transfer him. He will become marooned there forever.” He surveys the lab with its smoking equipment. “And that is a real possibility.”

They walked together back to Bonnie’s apartment, Bonnie holding onto John tightly the whole way. Inside he sat down at the table. “Dinner?” she asks. John just nods, his mind still buzzing from the earlier events. Frank was trying to get me back, but it failed for some reason. Does this mean I’m trapped here? Not too bad a prospect, he thinks, looking at Bonnie fixing supper. But he missed a lot of things that were no longer a part of his life. The dinner is mostly quiet, each person with their own thoughts. John could imagine what Bonnie was thinking. Afterwards he helps her with the dishes. Finally she speaks up.

“What are we going to do? I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either. But I’m afraid we have no choice in the matter. If it happens again, it could happen anytime, anywhere.” Bonnie remains quiet for the rest of the evening. Later that night when they are lying in bed, they just hold each other in the dark. Next morning over breakfast, John finally says what was on both their minds..

“You know I have to go back to the studio tomorrow morning and you have to go to your job.”

“Can you call in sick or something like that?”

“Knowing what I know of this “Bob” person, they probably wouldn’t be surprised. But that's just one day. Can you call in sick?”

“Maybe just for a day or two, but you’re right. It won’t fix anything. Can you come here, kind of move in with me?” she says hopefully.

“I guess so. I don’t really have much at my place.”

“Then let's go get your stuff today.”

“Sure.”

Frank and Cheryl spent most of the day and night fixing the damaged equipment in the lab. They both knew they were racing against time to bring their friend back home. If they missed this last chance that would be it. They were back in the lab early the next day and worked until that evening. Finally the repairs were done. Both of them were exhausted, but they had to continue. Frank recalibrates the chamber and starts the charging sequence while Cheryl leaves to get Bob and Mindy and bring them to the lab. Frank is waiting for them at the console, ready to start.

“Ok, you know the drill. Bob, go stand in the chamber.”

“I hope this goes better than the last time.”

“We all do,” Frank replies. He enters the data into the computer and the equipment starts to hum, the sound growing louder and louder. The air in the chamber begins to shimmer.Suddenly Mindy runs across the room and into the chamber with Bob.

“I won’t leave you!” she cries out, wrapping herself tightly around him.

The noise reaches a fever pitch and the chamber suddenly flashes. Sparks fly out of the equipment and the lights flicker and dim briefly. In the chamber two figures stagger out and they fall to the floor. Cheryl runs to them, calling out their names.

Bonnie and John are lying together in bed. It’s late and they both have to get up early the next morning. They had spent the whole day together, both dreading what the next day could bring. Wondering if this could be the last time they see each other. Suddenly John jerks upright in bed.

“AARGGHH! It’s happening again!” he says as waves of vertigo pass over him.

“No! No!” Bonnie cries out. She holds him tightly as the air starts to shimmer around them.

Cheryl runs to the two people lying on the floor. Grabbing the man by the shoulders she calls out, “John! John!”

“Cheryl?” the man mutters.

“John, oh John! You’re back. We had almost given up on you!”

“Yes, it’s me. Feels good to be back home at last,” he mutters. “Who’s that?” he asks, looking at the young woman next to him.

Cheryl goes to Mindy, shaking her shoulders and calling her name. “Mindy! Mindy! Are you ok?”

“Who's Mindy? My name is Bonnie. Where am I?” she replies groggily.

“Oh my gawd! Here we go again!” Cheryl exclaims.

THE END

Bio: “I have had stories published in anthologies like Of Poets, Spies and Unearthliness and Dickensian Steam Fantasy- A very different 1800's, both edited by Sergio Palumbo. I also had a story published in the December issue Schlock magazine with another due in July. I haven't written anything in over 40 years since my college creative writing classes and I am still learning.”...

E-mail: Randy Stuart

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