"Y-y-yes?" Skilcroft asked, his eyes widening and one hand clutching his chest.
One of the newcomers was holding a large piece of x-ray film which was covered with patterns of small dark bars. He waved the film in Skilcroft's face and asked, "You call this data? I've seen intestinal parasites that could gather better data than this! This is primitive!" The large piece of film made a sound like low budget thunder as the man shook it.
The breeze from the flapping film fanned Skilcroft's hair as he said, "Uh...what?"
The man holding the piece of film was about six-two with jet black hair, broad shoulders, keen blue eyes and what had to be the squarest jaw and sharpest nose that Skilcroft had ever seen on a human being. The guy looked like Dick Tracy wearing a lab coat.
The man turned to his companion, a smaller white-coated man with gently rounded cheeks, thinning hair and eyes that protruded ever so slightly. He looked like the man you might cast in a horror movie if you really wanted Peter Lorre but couldn't meet his price.
The not quite Dick Tracy asked, "Are you sure this is the right man, Sknkx?"
Sknkx?
"Absolutely," the almost Peter Lorre replied. "The readout was quite definite."
He didn't sound like Peter Lorre. Both of the men had very deep, resonant voices, the well modulated tones of professional announcers.
The tall man snorted again and looked back at Skilcroft. "You are Dr. Alexander Skilcroft, are you not?"
Skilcroft pushed his chair aside and stepped away from his desk. The two men had been crowding him, almost penning him in. "Yes," he said, straightening his shirt and brushing a hand through his hair. "And you are...?"
"Grimwad," the man said.
"Excuse me?"
"I am Dr. Edslop Grimwad."
Skilcroft blinked several times and then asked, "What are you doing here? I...uh...I thought everyone else had gone home hours ago. It's..." he glanced at his watch, "...uh..."
"What are we doing here?" Grimwad echoed. "Why shouldn't we be here? We're scientists, man. Are you blind? Can't you see our white coats? Our radiation film badges? Our pocket protectors?! Open your eyes!"
At that, Skilcroft's eyes opened very widely indeed, and Grimwad nodded, pleased at this prompt attention to his orders. Skilcroft then very deliberately pinched his own arm.
"Ouch!" he said. "Okay, I'm awake, then."
Grimwad looked at his assistant again. "You're absolutely certain this is the right man?"
"Absolutely."
Shaking his head, Grimwad turned back to Skilcroft. "Tell me about the human genetic code," he said, tossing the piece of x-ray film onto a nearby desk.
"Excuse me?"
Grimwad sighed. "I'm a visiting scientist at this university, and I want you to fully explain the human genetic code to me."
After a pause, Skilcroft asked, "What?"
Grimwad hung his head for a moment and then said, very slowly, "I am visiting here from Switzerplace..."
"Land," interjected Sknkx.
"Land," continued Grimwad, "And I would like you to tell me all about the human genetic code."
"Uh...I....uh...eh..." was the most coherent thing that Skilcroft could manage to say.
"Bah!" Grimwad snapped. "This is a complete waste of time. Come on Sknkx. I want to double check that readout of yours." He stretched out a finger and almost touched Skilcroft between the eyes. A fat blue spark leapt from the tip of his finger, expanding to fill Skilcroft's entire field of view, and he jumped, finding himself wide awake in his chair with a crick in his neck.
"Oh, man," he said, standing up and yawning. "I have got to stop working late." He rotated his head, wincing as a sharp pain made his neck muscles jump. "Or at least sleeping in my chair. When I start having dreams like that, I aaargh!" He had been turning slowly around as he talked and had suddenly found himself nose to nose with a mirror image of himself. With a startled cry, he jumped backward, tripped over his chair, and ended up sprawled on the floor. The mirror image failed to act like a mirror image and remained standing.
Skilcroft clambered hastily to his feet and peered at his own face which was smiling uncertainly back at him. "How...why...uh...you look just like me!"
The newcomer frowned. "Oh, dear," he said. "I thought this face looked familiar when I chose it. This isn't right. Hang on, I'll be right back." He turned to go and then said, "Oh, right," turned back and stretched out a finger which almost touched Skilcroft between the eyes. Skilcroft leapt back and jolted himself awake. He groggily shook his head, sat up and stretched. "That's it," he told himself. "No more saurkraut and horseradish burritos for supper!" He pushed his chair back, stood up and heard footsteps coming down the corridor toward his lab. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and checked his watch. 10:30. Well past time to go home. He was yawning again when the man walked into the lab.
"Excuse me," the man said politely.
Skilcroft looked at him. He was a stranger, with close cropped blond hair, watery grey eyes gazing through thick horn-rimmed glasses, a weak chin, and buckteeth.
"Yes?" Skilcraft asked.
"I hate to disturb you...you don't know me, by any chance?"
"No," Skilcroft said slowly. "I don't believe so."
"Ah." The man looked quite pleased. "Well, I'm wondering if you've seen this man."
The stranger held up his hand with the palm facing Skilcroft and with his thumb and fingers curled as if he were holding something, but his hand was empty.
"Excuse me?" Skilcroft asked.
The man looked at his empty left hand, made a disgusted sound and slapped the back of his left hand with the palm of his right. Something flickered in his left hand and then an image appeared there. It was a slightly grainy representation of a man with a very square chin and a very sharp nose, but Skilcroft was too busy looking at the image to actually see the man.
"How did you...?" he asked, leaning forward. There was nothing in the stranger's hand which could possibly be generating the image, but it was there nonetheless. "How are you doing that?"
The man looked at his hand, laughed self-consciously and shoved his hand into his pocket as if putting something away. When he took the hand out again, it was empty. "Have you seen him?" he asked.
"How..." Skilcroft said, looking from the man's now empty hand to his pocket.
"It was just a picture," the man said nervously. "I don't see what you're getting so worked up about. I just want...yes, I know...I just want to know if you've seen that man."
Skilcroft's eyes narrowed. "Who did you say 'yes, I know' to?"
"No one," the man said quickly, a nervous smile adorning his face.
Skilcroft shook his head, opened his mouth to say something and jerked awake as someone called his name.
"Dr. Skilcroft?"
Alexander Skilcroft groaned as a strange hand shook him. "Yes?" he asked, yawning and leaning back in his chair. Apparently he'd fallen asleep at his desk after starting the automated sequencer. He really needed to stop doing that. His back and neck felt like he'd been doing it a lot lately.
"Dr. Skilcroft?"
Skilcroft looked around to find a blond haired man with watery eyes, thick glasses and buck teeth beside him.
"Who are you?" he asked groggily. "Have we met?"
"No, I don't think so," the man said. "I'm looking for someone and wondered if you'd seen him."
Yawning, Skilcroft said, "There hasn't been anybody up here but me all night." He glanced at his watch. "Midnight!" he yelped, leaping to his feet. "I was really out."
"Doctor?" The man was holding out an eight by ten glossy photograph of a square-jawed man with a very sharp nose. "Have you seen this man?"
Skilcroft frowned at the picture. "You know, he does look kind of familiar..." Then he shook his head. "No, I don't think I have. Just for a minute, though...no, never mind." He laughed and shook his head again. "Forget it."
"It's very important, Doctor. If he looks familiar at all..." Skilcroft shook his head a second time. "No. The face just reminded of a dream I had. I don't really remember it, though, and I don't see how that could make any difference, anyway."
"A dream?" the man asked eagerly. He waved his hand behind him as if fending off someone who was trying to interrupt him. "That could be important. What do you remember about this dream?"
"Look, who are you?" Skilcroft asked in exasperation. The pain in his neck and lower back was making him cranky.
The stranger withdrew a card from his pocket and held it out for inspection. "I'm from the U.H.O," he said firmly.
Skilcroft looked at the card. It identified the bearer, Okuda Katsuhito, as being an officer of the investigative branch of the World Health Organization. Skilcroft frowned and looked up at the blond-haired man standing in front of him.
"You're..." he looked at the card again, "Okuda Katsuhito?
The stranger glanced at the front of the card and then nodded.
"Why did you say you worked for the U.H.O?" Skilcraft asked.
Okuda glanced at the front of the card once more. "I didn't," he said.
"You did."
"I said 'W,' not 'U.'"
"You said 'U."
"'W,' 'U,' I can see how you'd mix them up, but that isn't really germane to the issue here, doctor. If we could just get back to--"
"I didn't know the WHO had an investigative branch," Skilcroft interrupted.
"They do. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, would I?" Was it Skilcroft's imagination, or was Okuda beginning to sound slightly desperate? "Now, if we could get back to your dream..."
Skilcroft's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Look," he said, "I don't know who you really are or what you think you're doing, but I'm going to call security and have you escorted out of the building."
Okuda sighed, put away the card and picture and raised one finger toward Skilcroft, then he stopped and cocked his head slightly to one side as if listening to a voice speaking far away. "What?" he asked. "What do you mean 'physiological damage?' I've only zapped him...he stopped to count on his fingers...oh." He paused. "You mean I can't..." He paused again. "Oh, shoot."
During this one-sided conversation, Skilcroft, fully convinced that he was dealing with a lunatic, had begun to back slowly away. Okuda, if that was by some miracle actually the stranger's name, was between him and the door which led into the corridor, so Skilcroft was moving toward the other door, which led from the office into the lab.
"Well," the stranger continued, "how do you think I can convince...oh, yeah, good idea...okay, sorry, yes, all your ideas are good ones."
He looked up at Skilcroft, held out one hand, palm toward the doctor, half shrugged, and claws slid neatly out of the tips of each of his fingers.
Skilcroft jumped backward and fell over a chair. He scrambled rapidly to his feet again, his eyes locked on Okuda's hand. The claws had vanished as Okuda had moved forward to help the doctor up. Skilcroft backed away and found himself pressed against a wall.
"Wha wha wha---" he jabbered, pointing shakily at Okuda's now normal hand.
Okuda did the trick again, and five claws slid into view. He held out his hand toward Skilcroft who flinched, and then, seeing an encouraging look on Okuda's face, reached out and touched one of the claws. It felt like a claw. Startled into bravery, Skilcroft took hold of Okuda's hand.
"Take them away," he said without looking up. The claws retracted and vanished. There was a rip in the skin at the tip of each finger where the claws had pushed their way through. As Skilcroft watched, each rip puckered, shrank, and closed, leaving the skin whole and intact.
Skilcroft turned the hand over and looked at the back. It looked like a hand. He turned it back over and examined the palm. It still looked like a hand. He pressed on the back of the hand and the center of the palm at the same time and saw the very tips of the claws poke through the skin again. He released the pressure and the claws vanished and the skin healed itself.
He looked up at Okuda, his eyes sparkling. "That's amazing!" he said. "Does the other hand do that as well?"
"Of course." Okuda held up his other hand and demonstrated.
Skilcroft shook his head, frowned for a moment, then pinched himself. "Ouch," he said, then he smiled. "This is fantastic. Have you always been able to do this? Were you born this way?"
Okuda said, "Maybe you'd better sit down, doctor. I have a few things to tell you."
"Coffee first," Skilcroft said. The pot wasn't very warm and had been sitting for quite a while, but any port in a storm. He poured himself a cup and sat down.
"All right," Okuda said, "Here are the basics. The name of the agency that I work for could be translated 'Universal Health Organization.'"
"I knew you said 'U!'"
Okuda gave Skilcroft a look that caused him to lapse back into silence.
"I'm looking for two of my own people. They're interested in using humans as...well, as factories. Your body chemistry is similar enough to our own that they think they will be able to implant some of our genes into your people and use your bodies to mass produce certain proteins."
Skilcroft frowned. "Are you trying to tell me that you're from outer space?"
Okuda held up his hand and allowed the claws to slide into view. Skilcroft nodded. "Right," he said. He paused. "You look like a human."
Okuda shook his head. "This is not my natural appearance. This skin is a synthetic construct. We are roughly similar in external body plan and mass, however. As I said previously, our body chemistries are also similar. For example, we have proteins much as you do, though we have at least...three amino acids that are slightly different from any of yours, and you have two or more amino acids that we do not."
Skilcroft took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay."
"However, for reasons that can be explained more fully later if you are interested, it is extremely difficult to insert foreign genes into our own cells."
"Is the DNA enzymatically degraded or what?"
"That's one of the problems. And, before you ask, we have so far been unable to chemically protect the DNA from degradation. But there are other problems as well. The cells of all of our higher organisms are highly resistant to gene insertion."
Skilcroft shrugged. "Surely you have simpler organisms - something with a simpler cellular structure, like bacteria."
"We do have simpler organisms available to us, and we can insert genetic material into them with ease, but we typically get no functional protein produced."
"Okay." Skilcroft had a slightly bemused air, as if the conversation seemed slightly unreal to him. "Our experience has been that some organisms won't always express the genes of other organisms, so fine. I'll buy it. What's the problem?"
"Well, as you have no doubt experienced, there are certain naturally produced products which it would be convenient to be able to produce in bulk."
"I get you," Skilcroft said. "We use bacteria to produce human hormones and proteins for those individuals who can't produce them for themselves. You want to do the same sort of thing but can't."
"Exactly! Which is where you come in."
"Me?" Skilcroft asked, flattered at this compliment to his technical skill and knowledge. "Well, I'll have to study your cells..."
"I mean, your race. So far, your people are the closest to our own, chemically speaking, that we have encountered, and you have obviously done work on the insertion of genes into your own species."
"Yes. Some."
"Well, some of our people, whose methods are rather unorthodox, think that it may be possible to use your people as...well, as genetic factories. There are difficulties to be overcome, of course, but they believe that it would be simpler to overcome those difficulties than to overcome the difficulties inherent in using our own people for such processes."
Skilcroft thought about that for a moment and then sat up very straight, coffee sloshing out of his cup and onto his desk. "Wait just a minute!" he said. "You want to use us--"
"No, no," Okuda said soothingly. "You misunderstand. I am here to stop such experiments. It is the person I am looking for who wishes to do such things. Look."
He held out his hand, palm facing Skilcroft, fingers slightly curled, and a three dimensional image appeared there, rotating slowly. Skilcroft stared at the vaguely familiar face and said, "I dreamed him. Earlier tonight sometime. I think. I don't see why that matters."
"Ah, well..." For some reason, Okuda looked uncomfortable. "There exist devices which can be used to push memories from the conscious to the subconscious level. They don't make you forget, but they will put you to sleep and make the memories seems distant or jumbled, sort of like a dream."
There was a pause. "And you're saying that this man..."
Okuda cleared his throat. "Um...well, it's possible. And I have been informed that, if humans are subjected to this treatment too many times in too short a timespan, they suffer a certain degree of physiological damage."
"Informed by who?"
"My ship's...well...computer, for lack of a more accurate term."
"That's who you were talking to!" Skilcroft said.
"Um...yes."
Skilcroft stood up suddenly. "Hey!" he snapped. "You were getting ready to do that to me, weren't you? Earlier, I mean."
Okuda looked apologetic. "Well...um...I was considering it, yes. I hadn't really intended to tell you all this, you see. I had been hoping to fool you, but it...uh...it wasn't going very well."
"You're not very good at it."
"Yes, well, I'm...rather new, you see. That's all." He looked defensive. "Everybody needs a little practice, you know."
"How new?"
"What?"
"Exactly how new are you?"
Okuda shuffled from foot to foot. "Uh...well, this is...uh...counting this case, you mean?"
"All right, yes."
"Well, counting this case...I have worked on...uh...one case."
"And you're the earth's best hope, are you?"
"Well, you know, the earth isn't really very high on our list of priority planets. No offense or anything. I mean, I don't make the list you know, and...what?" He cocked his head to one side. "Oh, right." He looked serious. "I've been reminded that this discussion isn't really getting me any closer to preventing what I'm here to prevent."
Skilcroft sank back in his chair and sipped his tepid coffee. "Well, you need to know where they're going to go next, don't you?"
Okuda pulled up a chair and sat down. "They?" he asked.
"Well, yes." Skilcroft's brow furrowed. "I don't remember very much. It all seems...kind of jumbled...but I think that there were two of them...the one who's picture you showed me and another one."
"Two!" Okuda gasped. "That's bad!"
"You really aren't very good at this," Skilcroft said mildly.
"Now, look!" Okuda snapped. "I'm not sitting here criticizing you, am I? And, anyway, I do know where they're going next."
"Where?"
"Here."
"What?!"
Okuda shrugged. "Sure. Look, they could try to gather reference works and accumulate data on their own, but things will go a lot faster if they have a human expert to help them out. My computer informed me that you were the best choice, and their's will have done the same. That's why they were here. But they couldn't have gotten what they wanted."
"Why not?"
"Well, you wouldn't still be here. You still remember the encounter, so it must have happened within the last few hours. For some reason, they didn't take you with them. Do you know why not?"
Skilcroft frowned. "No," he said. "I don't remember things well enough."
"Well, I think...oh, alright!...the computer thinks it likely that they'll be back."
Skilcroft leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on his desk. "So, uh," he said with exaggerated casualness, "I'm the best one to help with this sort of thing, am I? Out of all of the researchers on earth?"
Okuda nodded. "Yes. You don't have any living relatives, you don't have a mate, you're smart enough to help with the work but unimportant enough that your disappearance won't cause too much of a fuss."
Skilcroft straightened. "Oh," he said glumly. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"So, what do we do when they come back here?"
"Oh, I arrest them."
"That sounds simple." Skilcroft leaned back in his chair again. "Just point your gun at them, snap on the cuffs and haul them away."
"Yes," Okuda said slowly, drawing the word out well beyond its normal length while a pained look crossed his face.
"Whenever one of my grad students looks like that, I know I'm not going to like what they're going to say next," Skilcroft said.
"Well...uh...I...uh...don't exactly have a...uh...gun."
"They don't give you a weapon?" Skilcroft's surprise was evident in his voice.
"Oh, yes, absolutely. Of course they gave me a weapon. I just don't happen to have it with me at this exact moment."
"Where is it?"
Okuda opened and closed his mouth a few times before saying, "I...sort of...forgot it."
"In your ship?"
"No. I sort of forgot to take it with me onto the ship. I could go get it. I'd easily be back in...um...six weeks or so. Maybe that's not such a good idea?"
There was a long silence, then Skilcroft said, "What about one of our guns? An earth weapon?"
Okuda frowned. "Do you have one?" he asked.
Now it was Skilcroft's turn to frown. "Well...no."
"Oh. Well, it probably wouldn't have penetrated the synthetic skin, anyway."
There was a long and rather depressing silence, and then Skilcroft asked plaintively, "What exactly do you have?"
Okuda turned out his pockets. "I have these," he said hopefully, pulling a small vial out of his pocket.
"What is that?"
Okuda opened the vial and dumped some small objects into the palm of his hand.
Skilcroft looked at the objects. They were small and round and were colored such a violent orange that they almost seemed to glow. He frowned. They actually were glowing, now that he came to look at them. "What are they?" he asked, starting to reach toward the objects and then stopping with his hand partially extended.
"They're..." he cocked his head, listening to a voice that Skilcroft couldn't hear, and his explanation was interrupted by pauses as his unseen prompter fed him his lines. "...designed to prevent the release of certain chemicals which are produced when our...body's defensive systems...mount an attack against molecules which are basically harmless. These chemicals have certain...adverse effects which..."
"Whoa!" Skilcroft said, holding up his hands. "Whoa. Let me get this straight. We're dealing with lunatic alien scientists who are eager to make genetic guinea pigs out of my entire species, and you're proposing that we stop them with antihistamines?!"
"What are guinea pigs?"
"What good are those pills supposed to do us?"
Okuda looked at the pills, surprised that even a human could miss the obvious implications. "They make you drowsy."
"Drowsy."
"Yes. It says right on the container," he held the container up to show Skilcroft a completely indecipherable legend, "that you shouldn't operate gravimetric generators or other heavy equipment after--"
Skilcroft sank into his chair. "We're doomed."
"No, really!" Okuda said. "This will work! All we have to do is get them to take these pills." He frowned. "That might be a problem, huh?"
Skilcroft gave him a sour look. "It might."
"But, maybe one of them will be sick, and..."
He trailed off, his voice drowned out by Skilcroft's mammoth sigh of despair.
"I need some coffee," the human said quietly. "Strong coffee." Strong coffee? He stared at the coffee maker. "Can they eat our food?" he asked.
Okuda nodded. "We can't assimilate it all, but yes."
"So we put the pills in the coffee and get them to drink it."
Okuda nodded. "Good plan," he said.
Skilcroft began to walk toward the coffee maker and then stopped. "What would happen if I took one of the pills?"
Okuda did his listening act again. "It's never been tried," he said, "but, based on what we know of your body chemistry, the computer suspects that your brain would liquify."
"Note to self," Skilcroft muttered, "Don't eat alien pills."
Skilcroft busied himself with the coffee maker, and, for some time, there was a restless silence, broken only by the sound of Skilcroft muttering to himself.
Okuda had continued to listen to his distant companion. "Oh, and the computer says that you shouldn't mix the pills with anything containing ethanol."
Skilcroft sighed. "I wouldn't waste alcohol on killer alien lunatic mad scientists, anyway."
"Or trimethylxanthine."
Skilcroft nodded absently. "Yeah. Right."
"Or sulfuric acid of a concentration greater than ten molar."
"Not something we usually drink around here."
"Or toluene or related compounds."
"We don't drink those, either."
"No problem, then," Okuda said brightly.
Skilcroft shook his head. "I suppose that an idiotic plan is better than no plan at all."
"That's the unofficial motto of our organization!" Okuda said happily.
"This does not surprise me."
"Uh-oh."
Skilcroft froze and looked at Okuda. "What?"
"They're on their way."
Skilcroft took the pills out of Okuda's hand. "Hey," he said, struck by a sudden thought, "Will they recognize you?"
Okuda frowned. "I don't really know. It's possible that they have a record of this face already."
Skilcroft pointed at the door to the lab. "You'd better hide back there, then," he said.
"Right."
"But not too far back there."
"Right."
"And if they try to take me away or something, you'd better come up here and stop them."
"Don't worry," Okuda said reassuringly. "They aren't more then two or three times as strong as you are."
Muttering to himself, Skilcroft turned to the coffee maker again. The coffee was ready, so he poured himself a steaming cupful and dumped all of the pills into the coffee that remained in the pot. "The more the merrier," he said, grabbing his cup and sitting down in his chair where he proceeded to stare at the door, still muttering.
After several minutes, he heard the sound of the elevator arriving somewhere down the hall. This was followed by the sound of footsteps and an ongoing discussion, both sounds drawing steadily nearer.
"I told you the readout was definite."
"All right, Sknkx, I heard you the first time."
Sknkx?
Skilcroft set his cup down and put his hands on his knees.
The two white-coated men who walked into his office looked vaguely familiar, somehow.
"Ah," the taller man said, "You're still here."
"I told you that, too," the shorter man said.
"Be quiet."
"Yes," Skilcroft said, because he was, undeniably and unfortunately, still there.
"I am Dr. Edslop Grimwad, and this is Dr. Sknkx." He tugged at the lapels of his labcoat and adjusted his pocket protector as he performed the introductions. "As you can see, we are scientists. And you are Dr. Alexander Skilcroft."
Skilcroft found himself forced to agree with that statement as well. "Yes," he said. It occurred to him that he wasn't really making much of a contribution to the conversation.
"We need you to help us with a consultation about this genetic code of yours," Grimwad said firmly.
"Ours," Sknkx said quickly.
"Of ours," Grimwad agreed. "Of course."
"Okay," Skilcroft said, exhaling slowly. He'd almost said 'yes' again but had changed it at the last second. "What do you want to know?"
"First," Grimwad began, then he shook his head. "No," he said, "I can't do this." He turned to Sknkx and gestured toward Skilcroft. "Look at the man!" he snapped. "Do you see how small his head is? How can you get reliable scientific information from a head that small?" He turned back to Skilcroft. "You don't even look like a scientist. Don't you at least have a white coat?"
"Uh...yes," Skilcroft said, rising uncertainly to his feet. "I'll go get it. While I do, why don't the two of you have some coffee?"
"Coffee?" Grimwad asked. "Why?"
"Uh..." Skilcroft floundered for a moment before inspiration struck, then he narrowed his eyes and asked, "Are you sure you're scientists?"
"Oh, coffee!" Grimwad said. "Of course we'll have coffee."
Skilcroft very carefully filled two mugs and handed them to his visitors. He watched them carefully until they had each taken a sip, then he headed into the lab.
After a moment, Grimwad called, "Did you say something?"
"No!" Skilcroft called back, his voice strangely loud, almost as if two people had replied at the same time.
"I thought I heard voices!" Grimwad said.
"No!" Skilcroft called back, the word followed by hushing sounds. A few seconds later, he walked back into the office, shrugging into a lab coat.
"That's more like it!" Grimwad said happily, swallowing the last of his coffee and setting the empty mug down on a desk. "Now you look like someone whose brain might have a little knowledge in it!" His head twitched slightly, and he frowned.
"Now, what was it that you wanted to know?" Skilcroft asked carefully.
"This isn't really a very comfortable place," Grimwad said with elaborate casualness, looking around the small office. "Why don't we got somewhere else to talk?"
"We know just the place!" Sknkx added helpfully.
"I bet you do..." Skilcroft replied, then he leaned forward to look at Grimwad's left eye, which seemed to be suddenly quite a bit larger than his right eye. Even as Skilcroft watched, the blood vessels in the eye faded into visibility until the whole eye was completely bloodshot.
"Well?" Grimwad asked impatiently. Unaware that anything was wrong, he was still waiting for an answer to his question.
Skilcroft glanced at Sknkx. His eyes were fine, but his head seemed to have acquired a collection of irregular lumps, some of which appeared to be moving slightly. Skilcroft looked back at Grimwad who was frowning now.
"I don't think I like the way you're staring at me..." he said ominously.
"Scientific curiosity?" Skilcroft asked weakly.
Grimwad moved toward Skilcroft, the tips of his fingers rubbing gently together. "It's more like," Grimwad said, "you're trying to use your laser eyes to scramble the width of my brainwaves."
As Grimwad advanced on Skilcroft, his left eye got even larger and then started to slide slowly down the side of his face, socket and all. Something peculiar was definitely going on there...
At that moment, Dr. Alexander Skilcroft appeared in the doorway which led to the lab. He wasn't wearing a white coat, but he was holding a thick book which was opened to a particular page. "Trimethylxanthine is caffeine!" he cried. "We shouldn't have put the pills in the oh!" The final exclamation leaped from his lips as he looked up and found himself staring at Grimwad's altered face and Sknkx's still altering head.
There was a long frozen moment during which nobody moved and then Grimwad looked from the lab coated Skilcroft in front of him to the coatless Skilcroft standing in the doorway. Okuda, wearing Skilcroft's lab coat and a copy of his face, expressed the claws of both hands and reached toward Grimwad just as Sknkx leaped, snarling, at the real Skilcroft who threw the book he was holding at his attacker and ran back into the lab.
Okuda's claws tore into the synthetic skin covering Grimwad's frame. Under normal circumstances, his claws wouldn't have scratched the surface of that skin. Now they ripped it open, exposing the softer, grey real skin beneath.
There was a loud popping sound as the skin ripped, followed by a loud whoosh and a gush of sweet smelling real air, then Grimwad collapsed to the floor, twitched several times, and fell motionless.
Okuda smiled in satisfaction, then he heard a loud crash from in the lab and the sound of breaking glass. "Rip his skin!" he shouted, running into the lab. "It'll tear now! They've had a reaction to the pills and the trimeth--"
He was cut off by a loud popping sound. A moment later, Skilcroft staggered into the lab holding a scalpel. He tossed the scalpel onto the desk and shook his head. "Whew!" he gasped. "What a stink!"
Okuda sniffed. Sweet smelling real air, just a trace of it. "Your nasal receptors must be malfunctioning," he said.
"What happened, anyway?" Skilcroft asked, looking down at Grimwad's body. "I thought you said a bullet wouldn't even hurt them?"
"The skin is linked to the body's metabolism. The medication reacted with the trimethlyxanthine and caused metabolic instabilities. And I figured that out without the computer's help!" He tilted his head to one side for a moment and then said, "I am not getting cocky!"
"Are they dead?"
Okuda shook his head. "No. But we can't tolerate you're atmosphere well. With the skin breached, they've gone dormant." He rubbed his hands in satisfaction. "Now I can haul them off."
"How?" Skilcroft shook his head as he imagined himself helping to carry two alien almost- corpses across the campus.
"Simple." Okuda bent down and snapped a metal ring around each of Grimwad's ankles, then his wrists, then his neck. Then he pulled out a small control device and pushed a button. The rings began to glow. At the same time, Grimwad's body began to fade. Soon there was nothing but five brightly glowing rings and the faintest image of Grimwad's body. At that moment, there was a loud snapping noise and Grimwad disappeared completely, rings and all.
"He's in my ship," Okuda explained, "In a containment field. Let me take care of the other one, now."
While he waited, Skilcroft poured himself a fresh cup of coffee. He added cream and sugar and stirred, setting the cup on his desk as Okuda came back.
"All done," Okuda said happily. "This will look fine on my record. Thanks for your help." Skilcroft sank into his chair and shook his head. "Don't mention it," he said --and jerked suddenly awake, looking around his empty office. His neck hurt. He must have fallen asleep at his desk again. He really had to stop doing that. He wondered what time it was.
He yawned and shook his head. He had a vague recollection of disordered dreams and restless sleep, but what else could he expect with his head lying on a wooden desk all night?
As he glanced at his watch, he caught sight of his coffee cup on his desk. It was full and hadn't gotten completely cold yet. He picked it up and started to take a sip, then he stopped, looked at the cup, shrugged and dumped the coffee into the sink. The contents of the pot followed.
As he watched the brown liquid swirl down the drain, he shook his head again.
"That's the last time," he promised himself, "That I fall asleep at my desk."
Bio:"I am a college biology teacher living in the southeastern US with my wife, one dog, and one cat, which is plenty of cats but several dogs too few. All in all, I think the universe is a lot sillier than we can possibly imagine, which won't stop me from trying."
E-mail: benedet@esn.net
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