His office would have been cramped had it been empty, and it was far from empty. It contained a desk overflowing with papers, cabinets and cases overflowing with papers, a hard wooden chair overflowing with Euan himself, and dust. Lots of dust. Lots and lots of dust. Sometimes he had the impression that everything in the little room was gray with dust, except, of course, for the bright red wax that he used to seal the approved applications for licenses to commit a theft within the boundaries of the City of Farfell Down or it's outlying areas to a distance of ten leagues, after which point, the territory (and the enforcement of the bylaws and precepts of the Union of Thieves) became the authority of the branches in the cities of Kelterhom, Cranly Green and Underwood Snubbs.
When he had first joined the Union of Thieves, Crawlbody had been a minor pickpocket who had demonstrated an almost total lack of skill in his chosen profession. He had briefly tried robbery, but a singular lack of skill had plagued him in that area as well. He had then settled comfortably for mugging, a task at which he was almost adequate. He stole enough money and jewels to pay his dues and to occasionally keep himself in the style to which he would like to become accustomed, but his victims had an annoying tendency to die from his ministrations, and the City Watch pursues murderers with considerably more vigor than it does simple muggers. This situation rendered Crawlbody appropriate for almost instant promotion, as the members of the Council of the Union of Thieves, after deciding that it would be bad for morale to turn any of its members, however inept, over to the City Watch, at last decided that it would be much safer for everyone if Crawlbody were off the streets and sitting in an office.
With the promotion came a complete lack of authority. He could neither approve nor deny a request for a license to commit a theft. He was merely the clerk who recorded the verdict of those who did possess such authority, and then he sealed the forms, filed them, requested other forms when necessary and, in between, sneezed a lot. That would be the dust again.
He had not had a surprise or done anything interesting and most especially had not cracked a single skull or murdered a single victim in the nearly three years that he had occupied that office - facts which annoyed no one but him - but fate was getting ready to make up for those long days of tedium in a very big way.
It began quietly enough, and as so many things do, with a death.
The death of Edwin of Leam went almost unnoticed at first. He was an obscure man living an obscure life in a large city. His neighbors, who didn't know him at all, had the vague impression that he had a fair amount of money. They were wrong. He did not have a fair amount of money. He had an extremely unfair amount of money. In fact, he had an obscene amount of money, not to mention jewels, works of art and expensive sundries scattered around his house. When, upon his death from natural causes at the age of ninety-seven, news of his wealth finally leaked out, it sent ripples through the entire city, especially the City Watch and the Union of Thieves, though in slightly different ways.
Edwin's death intruded itself upon the even round of Euan Crawlbody's life two days after it occurred, at the hour of seven in the evening, when a knock sounded on his door. Grumpily, Crawlbody made his way to the door and opened it to find a man in black standing there. The man's face was long, his legs and arms were long, his whole body gave the impression of height without breadth. He looked a minister of some dour and slightly ghoulish sect.
"Yes?" Crawlbody asked impatiently. Although not a religious man, he had nothing in particular against ministers, but he didn't like them looking quite so much like they were getting ready to conduct a human sacrifice on his doorstep.
The man extended a hand with a card in it. The hand had very long, tapered fingers and neatly manicured nails. "My name," the man said solemnly, "Is Micah Grool." His voice was deep and resonant. It would echo wonderfully in a sepulcher. "I represent the estate of Edwin of Leam."
Crawlbody took the card and examined it. It described Micah Grool as being a lawyer. Crawlbody's eyes went back to Grool's face. He would rather have a found a minister of any kind on his doorstep than anyone even vaguely connected with the law. "Yes?" he asked coldly.
"May I come in?" Grool intoned, raising one hand as if he had a desire either to bless or curse something.
"No," Crawlbody said coldly.
"Ah." The lawyer was not thrown off his stride. "Very well." He cleared his throat and reached into his pocket for a large document. "Edwin of Leam died two days ago." He seemed more pleased with this news than otherwise.
"So?" Crawlbody snapped. "I didn't have anything to do with it. That isn't my line." He started to close the door.
Grool, who had correctly summed up his partner in conversation by this time, said, "Money."
The door stopped moving. "What?" Crawlbody asked.
Grool smiled slightly, or, at least, showed his teeth. "Edwin of Leam was your great-uncle," he said.
"He was not!" snapped Crawlbody, setting the door in motion once again.
"And, as you are his only living relative, he has left you all of his worldly goods."
The door froze. "Oh, great-uncle...what did you say his name was?"
"Edwin."
"Yes. Edwin. Great. Gimme." He snatched the document from Grool's hand.
"I should tell you--" Grool said, but Crawlbody told him, "Don't bother," and closed the door at last. Outside, as if casting one last, slightly pleased look at the remains, Grool shook his head, turned, and walked away.
Inside, Crawlbody flipped through the massive sheaf of parchment and began reading. Edwin of Leam, whoever he had been, had left Crawlbody, his only living relative, all his worldly possessions, a list of which was heretofore appended. Crawlbody began to run his eye down the list and whistled in amazement.
That amazement, and an accompanying sense of unreality, stayed with him all through the night and was still with him as he sat in his dusty office the next morning. He kept taking the document out and running his eyes down the list. Euan Crawlbody was now not only a wealthy man, he was a pleasantly, absurdly, wonderfully wealthy man. With a new house. Well, an old house, but it was new to him, and it was apparently stuffed nearly to the bursting point with gold and jewels and furniture and paintings and sculptures and various other items, all of which were worth considerably more money than he, even with his voracious and greedy disposition, had ever imagined owning.
He groaned in satisfaction and let the document fall to his desk, which it did with a satisfying thump, raising a thoroughly unsatisfying cloud of dust in the process. He would not have dust in his new house. He would not allow it. With enough money, he was sure that something could be done about dust.
He waved a hand, dispersing the cloud of dust, and reread the address of his new home. He read it again. He was reading it for the third time when he realized that he wasn't reading the document which the lawyer had given him but an approval form for a license to commit a theft.
Crawlbody snatched up the form and read it. It stated, quite succinctly, that a license had been granted to commit a burglary at the dwelling in question any time within five days of the date of approval of the license, which had been yesterday! He slammed the paper down. Some thief was going to break into his home and steal his new things! How dare they! He felt a deep hatred for all thieves rising within his breast. He was going to have to do something about this.
He briefly contemplated destroying the form, but that wouldn't do him any good. Someone might remember approving the theft, and, anyway, a copy would have been sent to the hidden depository.
Could he get the license retracted on some technicality? Not a hope. He didn't have that kind of authority.
He could, of course, have notified the Union of Thieves that the house and its property were his. That would result in the license being rescinded, but it would also result in Crawlbody having to pay a tax of 1% of the value of the house. That would be absurd! The house contained more wealth than he had ever fantasized about, and 1% of that would be a huge amount of money. He wouldn't pay it! There had to be another way...
If he knew who the license had been issued to, he could break their head. That way, they wouldn't be able to commit the theft in the license period and the license would expire, but the name wasn't on the form. After all, having people's names all over such documents would be bad if the City Watch ever found the files. There was some key to identifying who went with which particular combination of letters and numbers designated, but that information was well hidden outside the city somewhere and utterly inaccessible.
If only he could empty the house before the thieves got there. Then there wouldn't be anything left in there to steal. Of course, if he just went in during the day and moved everything out, the Union would surely find out and then punish him, the greedy sods. They would do anything for money. But what if he secretly broke in and stole everything? Wait a minute, now. The Union of Thieves could hardly blame him if his stuff got stolen by person or persons unknown in an unlicenced theft. In fact, as he was a member, they might even offer him some monetary compensation. They were a kindhearted group, after all. All he needed was to find a couple of friends to help him out, and the choice was obvious.
The choice was still obvious when, a few hours later, he found himself sitting at a table at the Pig and Swill. It wasn't obvious because these two men were the ones best suited for the job but because they were the only people he felt he could trust. They were crooked enough to be willing to participate in something illegal, greedy enough to take the money and be quiet, and stupid enough not to realize that there was something larger going on. They were also his only friends. Sometimes life simplifies things for us.
"What's up, then?" Lum asked, belching loudly and using a splinter from the table to pick his teeth. He was a large man, bulky with fat and muscle in equal measure, though slightly lacking in teeth, hair and intellect.
Crawlbody belched in return, deep calling unto deep, and said, "I'm going to do a cracker."
"A break in?" the third man asked, inexplicably failing to belch. "Good on you. Where and when?" This man was small and lithe. His eyes bulged slightly from their sockets and sometimes seemed to wander in odd and different directions. His stare tended to make people nervous.
"Well, Runner--" Crawlbody began, but the smaller man cut him off.
"No, it's Pit, now," he said.
"What?"
"He's changed his name," Lum explained, examining the end of one of his fingers very carefully, as if he had never seen it before.
"Again?" Crawlbody asked. "What is it this time?"
"The Pit Viper," Lum said.
"Pit for short," Pit said.
Crawlbody blinked at him. "Why not 'Viper' for short?" he asked.
"Too gaudy."
"Fine," Crawlbody agreed. "The target's a house. It's full of stuff."
"That's the best kind to rob," Lum said, his face very serious.
"Yeah," Crawlbody told him. "I thought so, too. That's why I picked it." He cleared his throat. "We'll need three wagons, horses for each."
"Three," Pit said with a whistle. "It must be really full of stuff!"
"For the moment," Crawlbody agreed with a grin.
"Well, I hope it'll still be full of stuff when we get there," Lum said.
Crawlbody froze in fear, his heart seeming to stop for just an instant, but then he realized that Lum was not displaying the fact that he knew too much, he was displaying the fact that he knew too little. "I'm sure it will," he said in explanation, "But not after we leave. That's what I meant."
"Oh, yeah," Lum said with a laugh. "Good one, Ewe."
"Thanks. There's just one catch." He eyed his companions. "We have to do it soon."
"How soon?" Pit asked. His hands were twitching slightly.
"How soon can you get the wagons?" Crawlbody asked.
"Oh," Pit said. "All right, then. Tell me the place and the hour and Lum and me'll be there."
"Good."
After his companions left to acquire the transport, Crawlbody lingered over a mug of spiced ale, contemplating the next few days. He had already decided where to hide his property, but he hadn't quite decided what to do with it.
He could fence it, but it would be difficult to fence such a large quantity of goods in Farfell Down without attracting the attention of the Union of Thieves, and he wouldn't get anywhere near the full value of the items.
No, the best plan would simply be to hide it for a while, feign indignation when he moved in and 'discovered' the robbery and then gradually bring his things back over time as if he had bought them quite legally. After all, no one would know what had been taken except him and his friends.
And that brought him to another problem. Lum and...what was his name these days...Pit would expect him to fence the goods and give them each a third of the take. He obviously couldn't do that.
The best thing to do...he grinned...the only thing to do would be to make sure that they got arrested for the robbery. It was perfect. They were such good friends that, even if they were arrested, they would never tell of his part in the affair. All he would have to do is plant some of stuff from the robbery - the less valuable stuff, of course - on them and then turn them in.
He was annoyed, of course, that, with only two men to help him, he wouldn't be able to clean out the house completely, but surely with three wagons he could get all of the most valuable items. That would do. He was a phlegmatic person, and little setbacks like that didn't bother him.
Much.
Pleasant thoughts such as these occupied him until he finally met up with his partners again and led them through the darkened streets to his soon-to-be-home.
"What do you think of it?" he asked, looking up at the three story edifice in the moonlight.
"Probably lots of good stuff in it," Lum said in satisfaction.
Crawlbody shot him an annoyed glance. "But how do you think it looks?"
Lum shrugged. "Like it's probably got lots of good stuff in it," he said.
Crawlbody's annoyed grunt was interrupted by Pit, who asked, "How do we get in?"
There was a very long moment of silence while the three of them looked first at each other and then at the building.
"Don't either of you know how to pick locks?" Crawlbody asked.
The other two shrugged and shook their hands.
"I don't suppose you have the key?" Pit asked.
"No!" Crawlbody snapped. "Why would I have the key? Of course I don't have the key! What makes you think I'd have the key?"
"Okay," Pit said, showing Crawlbody his palms. "You don't have the key. It was a joke."
"Oh," Crawlbody said. He stared at the building again.
"We could break in the door," Lum offered.
"No!" Crawlbody snapped. "Um...I mean...that might attract attention."
"Oh. Yeah. Right."
There was another long moment of silence, during which Pit began to study the building more carefully.
"One of you could climb up to the roof..." Crawlbody began.
"Whoa, not me," Lum said quickly, craning his neck to look upward. He pointed. "It's high."
"Well," Crawlbody said, "We could..."
"Go in through this open window," Pit finished for him.
The other two stared at him.
"What?"
"This window is unlocked," Pit said, pulling the window all the way open and gesturing into the darkened room beyond.
"I don't believe it!" Crawlbody snapped. "This is intolerable! Anybody could get in through there."
"Yeah," Pit agreed. "Like us. This is a good thing."
"Um...yes," Crawlbody agreed quickly. "Yes it is. A very good thing." He cleared his throat. "Let's go." He looked quickly right and left, stepped forward, grabbed the window sill, hauled mightily and looked down at his feet which remained stubbornly on the ground as he huffed and puffed.
"Let's go," Pit said, looking nervously from left to right. You never knew when a member of the City Watch might wander by.
"Right," Crawlbody said. Taking a deep breath, he pulled with his arms and made a half leap upward, dragged his chest over the sill and hung there, kicking his legs futilely against the air.
"Quit playing around, Ewe," Lum said, giving him a solid shove that sent him across the sill, into the air and then onto the floor rather more suddenly than he would have wished. By the time he had regained his breath, his feet and his dignity, his partners in crime were in the room with him.
Pit gave a long, low whistle as he looked around the well appointed room. "Nice place," he said.
"Thank you," Crawlbody said, looking around as well. The room's furnishings and appointments were done on a lavish scale. The combined wealth in just this one room was enough to take the breath away.
The three men spent several minutes simply wandering around and touching things before Crawlbody finally began to shove things into the sack he was carrying. That broke the ice, and the other two began to grab things as well. It was looking like a very profitable evening.
Of course, that rather depended on your vantage point. It wasn't looking quite so profitable to the two pairs of eyes that were staring down on the three intruders from two floors up.
"What are they?" Ki asked, peering over a balustrade and down into the room the three strangers had entered and begun to ransack.
"I think that's pretty obvious," Li replied. "They're thieves."
The two women were much alike - dressed in black, lean and lithe, with dusky skin, straight dark hair and equally dark eyes, nimble hands and long, delicate fingers.
Ki looked at her sister. "We're supposed to be the thieves here," she said.
"Someone apparently forgot to tell them."
"Well, I'll tell them," Ki said, standing up and taking a deep breath as a prelude to shouting.
Li jerked her off balance and back into a squatting position. "Are you crazy?" she hissed.
There was a pause.
"I don't think so," Ki finally said. "Would I know?"
Li growled deep in her throat. "There are three of them," she said. "At least two of them are armed, and they're all bigger than we are."
"But they're stealing everything!" Ki complained.
"I can see that." If they weren't stealing everything, they were at least taking the best stuff, and that was bad enough.
"That's our stuff down there!"
"It would have been if we had stolen it first," Li agreed. "Do you want to go and explain that to them?"
"Yes!" Ki snapped, starting to stand up again, but Li pulled her back down.
"That was a rhetorical question," she said.
"Oh." Ki looked petulant. "You know I hate those."
"Never mind. The real question is what we're going to do now."
There was a long, quiet moment, and then Ki said, "Well, we put in a license for this theft, and it got approved. That means that what they're doing is illegal."
"Okay..." Li said slowly.
"So I say we call the City Watch on them."
There was another long moment of silence.
"You want us to call the City Watch on them," Li echoed.
"Right," Ki said. "Our resignation from the Union takes effect tomorrow, you know."
"Don't remind me," Li said. "I still haven't figured out how I let you talk me into that one."
"Too late to worry about it now," Ki said. "The paperwork takes effect at midnight. That means that this is the last theft we can pull off in the city limits."
"Or ten leagues out," Li added grumpily.
"Without the Union coming down on our backs," Ki finished.
"Heads, more likely."
"Have it your way," Ki said amiably. "So I'm not letting this robbery go! We'll just find the City Watch and explain why we're the ones who are supposed to be robbing this place and get those crooks down there hauled away." She looked quite pleased at the prospect. "Then everything will be fine."
"It might not be a good idea to mention the first part," Li said.
"You think?"
"Yeah. And it's a good thing one of us does." She sighed. "But, you know, you may be onto something. If they get caught in the act, they'll get hauled off and then we can finish what we started here." She started to stand up and then squatted back down again. "But, when we find the Watch, you let me do the talking, all right?"
Ki shrugged. "Fine," she said.
"Fine," Li agreed.
They made their way silently out of the house through the third floor window they had used to enter it and down into the street.
"Which way?" Ki asked, looking around the darkened lanes.
"This way," Li replied, setting off at a brisk pace. Either luck or knowledge guided her, because it was only a few moments before they spotted two men in the uniform of the City Watch.
Li walked casually up to the two men. "Excuse me," she said.
One of the men grinned. "Well, now," he said jovially. "As I live and breathe."
"Oh..." Li moaned. Luck hadn't guided her after all.
"Li and Ki," the Watchman continued.
"Hey, Lewandr!" Ki said, waving. "How's it going?" Her nose wrinkled slightly as she smiled at him.
"Do you know these two?" the second Watchman asked in apparent disbelief.
"You two should get along," Li told Ki, gesturing at the second Watchman. "Your brains seem to work in the same way."
"So, ladies," Lewandr said. "Was there something you needed? Or did the desire for my company become too much for you?" He winked at Ki.
"Well," Ki said, walking toward him, but Li caught her arm and pulled her back.
"We're just here to do our civic duty," she said primly.
Lewandr raised an eyebrow. "Come to raise my morale?" he asked.
"Well," Ki said again, but Li cut her off a second time.
"We're here to report a crime."
"That would raise my morale," Lewandr said.
His partner said, "You're here to do what?!"
"We were out for a walk," Li said.
"A lawful walk," Ki added.
"Through the darkened streets," Lewandr said.
"Watching the stars," Li said without missing a beat.
"In your darkest clothes," Lewander said.
"Watching the stars," Li repeated firmly.
"While not doing anything at all illegal," Ki said with a nod.
"And we just happened to see--" Li continued.
"While looking at the stars?" Lewandr asked innocently.
"We may," Li conceded, "Have cast an occasional glance at some of the local architectural structures."
"Rich people's houses," Lewandr translated for his partner's benefit.
"But not doing anything at all illegal," Ki said again, to make sure that everyone was clear on this point.
"And we happened to see someone else doing something illegal," Li said.
"Uh-huh," Lewandr nodded. "Such as?"
"Felonious entry, probably with intent to make away."
Lewandr nodded in approval. "Very good," he said.
"She heard it somewhere," Ki explained.
"Uh-huh. While not do anything illegal," Lewandr replied.
"Right!"
"There were three of them," Li continued. "One of them was large and kind of muscular, one was just plain large and one had a sneaky sort of look about him that I wouldn't trust for a minute."
"And you're passing this on sheerly out of a sense of civic duty," Lewandr said.
"We like to do our part," Li answered primly.
"Uh-huh," Lewandr agreed. "Give me the address."
"You don't believe this crock, do you?" the second Watchman asked abruptly. "I've never seen these two before, but it's obvious that they can't be trusted more than--"
"Hey!" Li snapped, obviously indignant. "I wasn't talking to you!"
"What did you say?" the man yelled, taking a step forward.
"She said she wasn't talking to you," Ki explained politely.
"Now, look..." the second Watchman began, but Lewander put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hang on," he said.
"But you can't seriously--
"They wouldn't lie to me," Lewandr told him.
"Oh, come on!"
"Well," he amended, "With certain understood exceptions."
"Oh, now..." Ki began.
"We've never..." Li began.
"Give me the address, Li."
She gave him the address and then turned to walk away. Ki started to turn and then turned back to give Lewandr a complicated look. "I don't suppose," she asked, "That this counts?"
Lewandr smiled gently at her. "Sorry," he said, and seemed to genuinely mean it.
"Me, too," Ki told him seriously, "But just wait."
"I will."
She suddenly smiled and winked at him. "Bye."
He shook his head with a grin. "Bye."
He watched the two women slip away into the darkness, then his partner asked, "What was all that about?"
"Hm?"
"All that at the end. About counting."
Lewandr looked at him and sighed. "It's complicated," he said. "Um..."
"You know those two are thieves."
Lewandr shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't."
"Oh, come on!"
"I don't," Lewandr repeated. "I've arrested them three times, but I never caught them in the act, and they've never been convicted. I don't know that they're thieves."
"But you have to believe it!"
"Maybe." He shrugged. "I'm waiting for proof either way."
His partner raised an eyebrow. "How you can get proof that they aren't thieves?" he asked.
Lewandr was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Ki and I have...talked a few times."
"You've dated her?" His partner's surprise was obvious.
"No, we've just talked a few times."
"Over a meal?"
"Sometimes."
"That's a date."
Lewandr smiled. "Okay, so I've dated her a few times."
"And you want more."
Without a word, Lewandr nodded.
"And so does she."
Lewandr nodded again. "Yeah," he said. "But she might be a thief."
"And you're on the City Watch." There was a long pause. "Uh...."
"Yes," Lewandr said. "I did arrest her after we dated."
"You would. What did she say?"
"Nothing. Neither one of us ever commented on it either way. She never asked me not to do it, and I never apologized for doing it. It's complicated, but we both understand." He sighed. "But I need proof that she isn't a thief before we can...before I can let things get serious."
"My original question still stands. "How can you get proof that they aren't thieves."
Lewandr frowned. "We haven't worked that out yet," he said. "If or when it's true, she'll find a way to convince me. I haven't given her any suggestions." He paused, a dreamy look in his eyes. "Maybe she'll even tell me about the Union..."
His partner laughed. "Oh, don't tell me you believe that fairy tale! A Kingdom wide organization of thieves? It doesn't exist!"
"It does," Lewandr told him. "I'm certain of it."
"And if she tells you about it, you'll believe she's not a thief."
"Well, yeah."
"You know, pal, I hate to burst your bubble, but, if it existed, how would she know about it if she wasn't a thief?"
Lewandr smiled. "Okay. Then it would show that she had reformed," he said.
"You live a complicated life, do you know that?"
"I know. Believe me, I know. Now let's go get some backup and get to work."
While this conversation had been taking place, Crawlbody and his companions had continued busily stuffing presents into sacks like Santa Claus in reverse. Crawlbody was clearing out the last items in one room while his companions started on another when the front door burst open and armed and armored figures seemed to pour into the room like a flood.
Pit, who was the smallest and quickest of the three, made it to a ground floor window and pulled open the shutter before being brought down from behind. Lum put his back to the wall, gave a preparatory belch and settled in for some heavy work. It took three Watchman to ease him into a more tractable state of mind.
Crawlbody, hearing the sounds and realizing what they must mean, tossed his bag into a darkened corner where he hoped it might lie unnoticed. Then it occurred to him that he might have just enough time to reach a nearby window. He started to move toward the window, remembered the bag, tried to turn, tripped over his own feet and crashed heavily to the floor chin first. The impact loosened up his brain, and an idea floated up out of the murky depths.
By the time two Watchman found Crawlbody, he had just managed to stand up, and his jaw was red and beginning to swell, but that wasn't enough to prevent him from talking nonstop.
"I'm so glad you came!" he said ingratiatingly, grinning at the forces of good so hard that it made his cheeks hurt.
"What's your name?" Lewandr asked him.
"I'm Euan Crawlbody, and this is my house. I came home to find those two men burgling it! The big one knocked me down." He touched his chin and winced. "If you hadn't come in when you did, I don't know what I would have done!"
"Really," Lewandr said drily. "How fortunate for you."
There was a certain tone in his voice that made Crawlbody pause. This wouldn't have been his first line of defense if he had been able to think of anything else, but it was better to claim ownership and pay the fees to the Union rather than get arrested and have the Union find out what he had been trying to do. Aside from that, this time he was innocent. Well, more or less innocent. It was kind of a unique experience for him, but it made him decide that he wasn't going to put up with any smart talk from a mere Watchman.
"Yes, really!" he snapped. "And I suggest you mind your manners."
"Do you, now?" Lewandr asked, a thin smile on his face.
"I do! If you'll look around, you'll realize that I'm rich enough to buy and sell twenty of you!" He snapped his fingers in front of Lewandr's eyes.
Lewandr raised one eyebrow. "Can you prove this is your house?" he asked.
"Of course I can!"
"That'll be handy for everyone concerned. How?"
Crawlbody tried to look down his nose at Lewandr, but he hadn't had enough practice to do it well. "I have a document at my house which--"
Lewandr raised an eyebrow. "I thought this was your house," he said.
Crawlbody cleared his throat. "I have two houses," he said pompously. "This one and a smaller one across town." He waved one hand aimlessly. "For slumming."
"Do you, indeed?"
"I do. And at my other house is a document which will establish my ownership of this house. Shall we go?" He made a move as if to escort Lewandr out the door.
From the other room, he heard a groan that sounded like Pit. Lum hadn't responded as well to the closely reasoned arguments of his attackers, so it would be a while longer before he began to stir, but Crawlbody was eager to separate himself from the two before they could say anything unfortunate.
"I'll go without you," Lewandr said with a smile. "You can give me the key and tell me where your other house is."
Was there a slight emphasis on the word 'other?' Crawlbody wasn't certain he liked this man's tone. A public servant should serve, not bully individuals lawfully engaged in robbing their own houses.
"And," Lewandr continued, "also where this document might be located."
"It would be simpler if I took you there myself," Crawlbody protested.
"I like to do things the hard way," Lewandr told him. "It gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Besides, I think we'll all be better off if you accompany these men to the guardhouse. They kindly came from there to help us save your property, and I'm sure they're eager to get back."
Crawlbody didn't like the way Lewandr said 'your property,' but there didn't seem to be anything he could do about it except make a note to exact a suitable revenge later. With a shrug, he provided the information and then allowed himself to be bustled off, not in chains but carefully watched nonetheless.
Lewandr and his partner moved toward the front door and then paused to look around. There was a large window that opened on the back of the house. It was the one that Pit had tried to use as an escape route. With a smile, Lewandr wandered toward it. "You know," he called to some of the other Watchmen present, "I think a couple of you should stay here."
"Sir?" one of them asked.
"Well," Lewandr continued, still in the same loud voice, "We wouldn't want anyone to break in after we leave, now would we?"
From outside the window, a voice said "Oh, pooh," and was then hastily cut off. Lewandr's smile grew broader, and he turned to leave. "And while you're at it, why don't you take a look around the room our homeowner was in. I have a feeling about this one..."
When Lewandr walked out, he found Ki waiting for him outside.
"Hi," she said brightly.
"Hi," he answered.
"I was just in the area, you know, hanging around..." she waved a hand airily.
"Watching the stars," he suggested.
"Yeah," she agreed, "And I thought I'd see if you were still hanging around, too."
"Where's Li?"
"She went home. I think she's annoyed about something."
"I shouldn't wonder," Lewandr said with a smile. "I'm headed somewhere on business."
"I'll walk with you," Ki offered.
"I'd like that."
They set out together, walking in companionable silence. Before they reached their destination, a bell pealed. The sound was quiet but penetrating.
"Midnight," Lewandr said.
Ki sighed, then she reached out and took Lewandr's arm. He looked down at her, slightly puzzled. He sensed something, but he wasn't quite sure what. "Yes?" he asked.
"Um..." she began. "If I was something before, and I'm not saying that I was, but if I was, then now I'm not." She looked up at him anxiously. "Do you understand?"
They stopped walking for a long moment while he looked into her eyes. The streets were dark, and her eyes were shadowed, but whatever he saw there seemed to satisfied him. He released a long slow breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Yes," he said softly. "I do." Then he laughed. "I'm kind of worried by the fact that what you said made sense to me, but it did."
They began walking again. Ki snuggled closer against him and said, "Good."
Lewandr found Crawlbody's house easily enough, let himself in, located the massive document and settled in to look over it. It seemed to support the man's story, but there was still something strange about the whole situation.
"You saw three men robbing that house, right?" he asked after a time.
Ki was sitting next to him, still snuggled up against him. She nodded. "Absolutely," she said.
Shaking his head, Lewandr climbed to his feet. "Something's just not right here. I need to make a detour before I go back to the guardhouse."
Ki had not been reading the document. "Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked.
Lewandr cocked his head at her for a second, and then he said, "Suppose you owned a house," he looked around, "Pretty much like this one."
"But I don't like this one," Ki protested mildly.
He smiled at her. "Just suppose."
"Okay."
"And then suppose that a rich relative died and left you a new house full of very nice things."
It was Ki's turn to smile. "I like nice things."
"I know you do," Lewandr said with a gentle laugh. "And your immediate reaction to getting this windfall is to hire a couple of friends and break into to your new house and start shoving the nice things into sacks."
"Ah," Ki said. Her eyes were bright with understanding, but she didn't say anything else.
Lewandr looked at her, slightly puzzled. "Does that make sense to you?" he prodded.
"Yes," she said firmly. .
There was a long pause, and then he asked, "Are you going to tell me about it?"
"No," she said, equally firmly.
He nodded. "Okay. Come on."
"Are you going back to the guardhouse?"
"Yep, but I have one more stop to make, first."
When they finally did get back to the guardhouse, Crawlbody, who was sitting on a hard bench in the corner of the main room, was seething with impatience. He didn't even notice the two people who accompanied Lewandr.
Before Lewandr had a chance to approach Crawlbody, another Watchman walked up to him. "The other two are awake," he said in a low voice. "We told them this guy's story, and they're screaming their heads off. They're claiming that not only was he in it with them, it was all his idea."
Lewandr nodded and walked up to Crawlbody, who snapped, "Well? You took long enough!"
"Oh, I found it, just as you said," Lewandr told him.
"So I assume that I'm free to go?" Crawlbody asked, standing up. "I can assure you that you haven't heard the last of this outrageous--"
"I believe that you already know Mr. Micah Grool," Lewandr said, gesturing at one of his companions.
Crawlbody studied the man for a moment before he recognized him. The lawyer, looking as funereal as ever. "Yes," he said indifferently.
"You really shouldn't have shut the door in my face before I had finished talking, you know," the lawyer said, shaking his head sadly.
"What do you mean?" Crawlbody asked. "It's my door. I'll shut it when I please."
"You didn't give me time enough to tell you that the property of Edwin of Leam does not become yours until the official reading of the will, which will not take place for three more days."
Crawlbody blinked. "What?" he asked.
"That isn't your house," Lewandr told him. "It doesn't belong to you, and you don't belong to it."
"But...but...this is all just some sort of misunderstanding. Surely a minor technicality like that isn't sufficient--"
"The law doesn't view it as a minor technicality," Lewandr told him. "You'll have to stay here while we look into this matter a little more thoroughly."
"But...but..." Crawlbody spluttered.
"We'll have to put you in a cell," Lewandr told him.
"But...but..."
"And the only one with room in it is the one that the two other men are already in."
Crawlbody's eyes widened. "Pit and Lum?" he asked without thinking.
"And you know their names," Lewandr said with a smile. "I'm sure they'll be delighted to share a cell with you. In fact, I hear that they've been asking to see you." He gestured to another Watchmen who took Crawlbody by the arm.
"Couldn't we come to some arrangement?" Crawlbody wailed as he was dragged away.
"Such as...?" Lewandr asked.
Crawlbody smiled half-heartedly. "I was speaking of money, earlier," he said.
"Not the arrangement I had in mind," Lewandr said coldly.
"But...then...what?"
"I want the whole story. I want to know why you were robbing a house that was going to belong to you in a few days anyway."
Crawlbody's eyes widened. Did he have a sufficiently convincing story to tell which didn't actually involve the Union of Thieves? No. Did he have time to think one up? He looked at Lewandr's face. No. He sighed. Did he want to be locked in a cell with Lum and Pit? Definitely no...but, wait.
Crawlbody studied Lewandr's expectant face, and something within him hardened. Pit and Lum were idiots, and the day that he couldn't make them believe whatever he wanted them to believe, it would be time for him to give up, anyway. Aside fromthat, no matter what this jumped up jack-in-office said, no court was going to convict him of stealing what he genuinely thought was his own stuff and which would be his own stuff before the case ever got to court in the first place. He shook his head. "No," he said. "There's no story."
Now it was Lewandr's turn to sigh.
Nobody moved.
"Aren't you going to lock him up?" Ki asked suddenly.
Crawlbody laughed explosively. Lewandr's reaction had given him back his arrogant confidence. "He doesn't really have a case, and he knows it. "The most that he can do is lock me up for a few days, but I'll be out soon enough, and rich, and then we'll see what the courts have to say about this little experience."
Ki looked from Lewandr to Crawlbody and bristled. "I don't like you," she told him.
"I couldn't care less," Crawlbody snapped back.
"You don't play by the rules. We played by the rules." She smiled fondly at Lewandr. "Maybe I didn't like everything Lewandr did, but he played by the rules, too." She glared at Crawlbody again. "You don't."
Crawlbody rolled his eyes ceilingward, and he told Lewandr, "If you're going to lock me up, go ahead and do it. At least I won't have to listen to this chattering idiot."
Lewandr opened his mouth to reply, but Ki beat him to it. "He isn't going to lock you up," she said.
"I'm not?" Lewandr asked, looking at her in surprise. He was peripherally aware that every other Watchman in the place was also looking at her in surprise. So was Crawlbody, for that matter. Micah Grool looked at her as if trying to determine how many mourners would be needed for the ceremony.
"No," Ki continued. "In fact, he's going to let you go."
"I am?!" Lewandr said. He appeared to be startled by this prophetic pronouncement.
Crawlbody smirked.
"And he's going to apologize because he feels so bad about what happened."
Lewandr's eyebrows crawled ceilingward and his mouth opened. He appeared to be mouthing the words, "I am?" although no sound actually came out of his mouth.
Crawlbody's smirk deepened.
"In fact," Ki flowed on, "He feels so bad about it that he is going to make a public apology."
Lewandr's face didn't have any room on it for any more expressions.
Crawlbody's smirk managed to intensify even more.
Ki was right in his face now, shaking an angry finger at him. "In fact, he feels so bad about it that he's going to make sure that every little detail of what happened tonight gets published city wide so that every single person in the whole city hears all about it!"
Crawlbody's smirk evaporated as if it had never been. "Uh..." he said.
Lewandr opened his mouth to speak, but he changed his mind when he saw the look on Crawlbody's face. He didn't know what was going on, but Ki and Crawlbody apparently did.
"Wait," Crawlbody said weakly. "Can't we..."
"No," Ki said. "We can't. At least, not right now. Lewandr and I are going out. If you're still here, maybe Lewandr will come and see you in the morning." She glanced at Lewandr and then back at Crawlbody. "Late in the morning. Then you can talk, if you have anything to say." She looked at Lewandr again. "Right?"
"Uh...absolutely," he said, still wishing that he had the slightest clue what was going on."
"Good." She took him by the arm and led him toward the door. She beamed genially at all the Watchmen, nearly all of whom were grinning at Lewandr. "Have a nice night!" she said with a wave. A chorus of farewells followed the couple to the door.
Lewandr, a little dazed, looked down at Ki. "Is life with you always going to be this interesting?" he asked.
"Absolutely," she assured him.
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E-mail: rgb@wcc.wayne.cc.nc.us
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