Recruit 2284

by Kathleen Vesi

Day 33

I want... Dee Ronne says to herself but stops. Time and again that thought pops into her head, but what does she want? She continues to pace about her living room.

"If you like, Recruit 2284, I can demonstrate some meditation positions to help you prepare for the portal jump," says Leeruk who is standing in the corner of Dee's kitchen.

Leeruk talks to her incessantly, but Dee has learned to resist the urge to reply. She hasn't responded to him at all today, so sick of his ingratiating presence and his devotion to his research. She ignores his offer and walks over to the living room window, knowing her unwanted visitor will not follow her.

Leeruk rarely leaves the kitchen when she's in her apartment, though she is amazed with how much movement he has when he does, given that he is being projected here, part hologram, part brain wave. Leeruk told her that his people are targeting her thalamus with his holographic image. No harm to her, he said. He cannot stand face to face with her, but stays permanently in her periphery. He says it has something to do with human physiology. To talk to him, when she was talking to him, she'd shift her eyes or tilt her head in his direction. There was no other way. If there is anything to be thankful for, she could say she is thankful he doesn't hound her in such close quarters. He says it's because he needs to re-stabilize his pattern, but she thinks it's because his research tells him never to corner a caged animal.

He looks like an animal himself, like a lanky marsupial with human limbs, yet he walks like a man and is the same height as a man. When she does look at him, through the kitchen doorway, she sees his clothing is one piece and made of thin, dark brown material. His brown-spotted arms and hands are uncovered and eerily human-like because they have no fur. The tufts of fur on his head are longer than the rest of his body and appear to cascade down his back, but Dee doesn't know this for sure. She won't allow herself to examine him too closely because he may interpret that as interest.

"Difficult as it may be for you," Leeruk cheerfully calls out from the kitchen, "you have no choice but to trust me."

Dee leans forward, closer to the window. Outside, the city of Toronto goes on as usual: electrified and hectic, and without this terrible knowledge. There was a time, in the beginning, when fear made her frantic, when she didn't know what was happening to her: stress, hallucinations caused by illness, a psychotic breakdown. Her current state of numbness has brought a certain peace, or at least it has quelled her anxiety enough so that she is no longer afraid of this intruder.

The sun has almost set. Another day has passed and tomorrow is Day 34. She wants to cry, but crying hasn't changed anything. And saddest of all: she believes him. At least, she believes he is real, but not necessarily what he says... that he is not one of them.

"I am not a Yoxnar--I am a Trevol-lu," Leeruk calls out again with a seemingly endless wealth of patience, "and the Trevol-lu are highly regarded members of the Spiral Cluster Alliance. The Yoxnar invaded Earth; the Spiral Cluster Alliance are here to fight for your freedom. I told you that many times before."

I want…

Dee stares absently out of the window.

I want....

Finally the thought is released.

I want Heaven and Earth and nothing in between. The land and the sky... and God Almighty watching us from on high.

"I know you believe me and have accepted your fate--it's now past Recruitment Day 19. On average the acceptance barrier is passed on Recruitment Day 17, but we can't be quite sure until Day 19. You are now entering the Action Stage. We allow for 37 days which is generous. Exit Time for most recruits is Day 34."

Ignore, ignore, ignore... Dee repeats to herself.

She wants to go out again, even though she just got back. She can't stay here for long anymore. Before leaving, she examines herself in the foyer mirror. Her outer appearance hasn't changed. She wishes she could say the same about her inner self, her thoughts, her spirit, and everything she was so sure she would one day be. A sad grin appears and then immediately disappears from her face.

She chooses the stairs, not the elevator, because she feels the need to rush, and bounding down ten flights gives her that illusion. Walking down so many flights makes her feel woozy and reminds her that she is tired. She will resist the urge to sleep for as long as possible, but in the end she will succumb. Her body will force a shut down, and one by one her dreams will turn into nightmares and make her do things she doesn't want to do, like the one where she sits at her kitchen table and listens to an alien from 600 light years away chatter on about recruitment, acceptance barriers, and how she has no choice but to trust him.

* * *

Day 1

The customer holds up his wallet. "Look, it's empty," he says. "I only had a twenty."

The cashier is unimpressed.

But then the manager walks over, in response to the commotion, and she begins to plead her case.

"The gentleman here claims he gave me a twenty," she says. "But he only gave me a ten."

"No...." The customer hunches over, ready to pounce.

The manager looks grim as his gaze darts back and forth between the two disputing parties. Slowly his expression relaxes as he comes to decision. He reaches into the till for a ten dollar bill.

"Thank you, sir," the manager says. "Sorry for the inconvenience."

Walking up to the counter, Dee tries to smile impartially, and fails. Mostly because an old saying is chirping away in her head: the customer is always right! Even in times as changed as these, some things remain the same, and that is a relief to her.

She reads the board for the flavours of the day but chooses the house blend. Several steps past the counter, she stops to take a careful sip of her synthetic coffee. It tastes pretty good. She has long forgotten how the real stuff tasted--it's as if she doesn't miss it. But she does.

Replicator technology can create a cup of coffee which nearly tastes like coffee, and if that were all it did, it would still be deemed a necessity. Of course, it can do more: it can replicate food and water and materials of all kinds, even other Rep Machines. There is a Rep Machine on nearly every corner, and still no one knows how they work. When the Rep Machines are taken apart, they show themselves to be empty shells. There are theories: the circuitry is to small for human technology to detect... or in another dimension... or found on the other side of the Borders. In the not-too-distant past, this technology would have been feared as magic and the workings of the devil, but it's just science, disinterested and constant as ever.

This too shall past.

Dee has that saying in her head now. This time the voice is not hers--it's her mother's. Any time Dee felt down about her life, her mother would quote that saying to her, and her mother was always right. Whatever troubling situation or mood Dee found herself in, she always managed to survive it and move on. But these are changed times, and Dee suspects some old sayings cannot be trusted.

It's a busy Sunday morning at Union Station. Dee merges with the crowd, passing the overhead sign which points the way to the Causeways. One step through a Causeway and Dee will be in New York. That's the quickest part of her journey today: from Toronto to New York in one simple step. Then it's a thirty-five minute subway ride across New York to Gabe's place. And just around the corner from Gabe's is Global Hospitality where they both work. Global Hospitality is an international company with offices all around the world, though domination of the global marketplace is not as impressive as it used to be. The world has gotten smaller, and not just because of portal technology.

Unimaginable horrors, thinks Dee as she manoeuvres her way around the slower walkers, because we don't know what happened. Horrors beyond the anarchy, beyond the looting, beyond the breakdown of society which lasted for months... then we all just stopped and wondered why we had gone so mad. We were the survivors, after all.

Dee studies the faces she passes. She sees the missing in them, and the hopelessness, and the exhaustion of twelve hard years. Twelve hard years and this hell has just begun. This too shall pass--her mother's voice again. Her mother died two years ago of cancer, but she's still here, with Dee, and still ready to have a say. Dee can hear herself reply, another conversation with her mother in her head: "In fifty years, or fifty thousand? If this ever did pass, humanity would be so changed it would not notice."

She queues up at the steel doorway that is Causeway 11. There are only three people in front of her, so it won't take long till she's through. Payment is in advance; it's only punching in the coordinates which takes time.

She sips her coffee and thinks of time. Time will bring erasure, and acceptance. In time all those who remember will be dead, and those to come will accept because they will know no different. The future always brings loss.

Now it's her turn at the control panel. She punches in the coordinates for New York. A couple of steps into Grand Central she hears the subway coming and picks up her speed, as much as she can with a coffee in her hand. If she misses this ride, she'll have to wait three minutes for the next.

Time will be the worst thing to happen to humanity, she thinks to herself as she hurries down the platform stairs. Worse than the invasion.

* * *

Day 33

Dee makes it down two city blocks before Leeruk appears. Her fast pace doesn't waver. If she stays active, he'll remain a blur, not able to match his pattern with her movements, though she'll never lose him. His warped image flits and hovers at the corners of her vision, first her right side, then her left, a distorted multi-coloured wave-streak with large, black hole eyes.

The wave-streak speaks. "You shouldn't be exhausting yourself like this. I want to teach you mind and muscle exercises before the jump."

"I didn't say I'd jump," she says, breaking her silence. It's dark now and it's still too cold outside for there to be a lot of people walking about, but that's not why she replied, even though Leeruk is invisible to everyone but her. If she were walking down a crowded street in broad daylight, she'd still talk to him. People would think she's mentally ill, but she's past caring... and, besides, for the longest time she thought she was mentally ill. That is just a distant hope now.

"And I'm not letting you control me, either," she adds. "Like I said before, I may not jump through your portal. Maybe I will kill myself and just before I kill myself warn others about you."

"You will jump. Research proves it. You fit the profile of those who make Exit Time, and we are never wrong with our profiles," says Leeruk.

"Where's your research on compassion and free-will?" asks Dee. On impulse she abruptly turns around and walks in the opposite direction, with the desired effect. Leeruk's streaking image wavers and stutters in mind-air. Dee is half way down the block before Leeruk is able to re-establish his pattern and follow after her.

"Your world fought many wars by drafting recruits," Leeruk says when he catches up to her. "Earth has joined our war, thanks to the Yoxnar. We conducted many studies before recruiting members from Earth and found that 87 per cent of the remaining inhabitants will accept our offer of recruitment. We estimate the number would have been as low as 6 per cent before the invasion, so the invasion did have an effect on your people. On some races, this is not the case."

"The other 13 per cent were forced through the portal using a mind control device--and you say you fight for our freedom."

"No human has died from the Bendar. Although, I admit, being forced through the portal by the Bendar is quite painful and distressing. That is why we want you to jump through the portal on your own accord. Remember more than 4 billion humans were killed when the Yoxnar took over Earth. And billions have died in many galaxies: worlds you have never seen; races you have never known. We cannot allow humans who refuse to join our army go free; eventually word will get out that we are here and we cannot let that happen. No one predicted Earth, a small planet in an outer-reach star system, would be a target for the Yoxnar... and least of all for settlement. Secret military base perhaps, but not settlement."

"Your research didn't predict this?" Dee says, mockingly. "What? Your research can't give you all the answers?"

For a moment, Leeruk remains silent and Dee realizes with pride that she has really upset him this time.

"Being so far away from other inhabited planets has given humans such a singular sense of themselves," he finally says. "I find it fascinating that humans at one time believed they were the only life in the universe. Some humans still cling to this belief, deciding beyond all reason that the invasion was the work of other humans. The Trevol-lu never had a chance to be so delusional, existing so close to the Yoxnar, who have gained control over much of the Five Galaxies. So near to this powerful race, on a neighbouring star system, we learned to study. Study, and create alliances with other planets who found their freedom also threatened. Study and develop strategies of defence. Study and not cause this growing imperial power alarm until we were ready to cause alarm."

"Or until you were ready to wreak havoc on other planets," Dee says, then glances back at a woman who stopped to stare at her. Unfazed, Dee faces forward again without faltering in her fast pace. "This could be the way you study other races. You invade their planet and study how they react when more than three quarters of the population are wiped out and the survivors are holed up in some force-field enclosed zoo for observation. Or is this sport? Are we being hauled off one by one to some galaxy coliseum?"

"So I created a false enemy, the Yoxnar, to lure you into my killing arena? Why bother? The Spiral Cluster Alliance are the freedom fighters; the Yoxnar are the invaders. Beyond me telling you this, there is nothing more I can say other than if you do not make Exit Time in 4 days, the Bendar will force you through the portal," says Leeruk.

"So why won't you tell me what the Yoxnar look like, or how they act? All I know is that they took over Earth and that is not enough for me to believe you."

"We provide human recruits with only limited information on the Yoxnar during the recruitment period. Full details are left for Training Day 2. Information given too soon or too late fosters suspicion in humans. Believe me, we have done the studies."

Dee rolls her eyes--fucking research again. She holds back on another reply, hoping to return to her silence, and instead tries to shift her thoughts to where she'll go tonight. No one can help her, no one knows of Leeruk's existence, but she feels safer around other people. She may look like a tortured soul to these strangers and passers-by, and many have given her a worried glance, but she'll never tell them what she knows. It's her gift to them--the gift of ignorance.

"I hear 'tortured' and 'worried' from you," says Leeruk.

Dee's stride nearly jolts to a stop, but she catches herself in the act and pushes herself forward again. His endless persuasion and seeming concern for her well-being won't sway her. She still has control over what happens to her. It's all she has left: her power to choose life or death.

"And I am here to ensure you make the right choice. I haven't lost one yet," says Leeruk.

At the next street corner, the red hand stops flashing. She has missed the crossing and now must wait. Her gaze remains fixed in the distance, but she can still feel his stare on her.

Leeruk is not discouraged. "The more you fight, the harder I must try."

The traffic lights change to green.

Dee takes a few running steps across the street before settling back into her hurried pace.

* * *

Day 1

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," shouts one young man. "THE HOUR YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. I WILL PULL THE HIMALAYAS OUT OF MY TOP HAT."

"FOLLOWED BY MY REAPPEARING TRICK--YES, THAT'S RIGHT," says a second man, just as loud. "I'LL MAKE THE WHOLE EARTH REAPPEAR WITH JUST A WAVE OF MY WAND."

Dee is jostled from behind, and one of the young men quietly apologizes. She turns to tell him it's okay and is finally given the chance to place faces with voices. The men are in their early twenties, university age. She remembers the need for cleverness and absurdity at that age. Some may not share their sense of humour, but she understands.

Facing forward again, she sees an opening in the crowd. "Gabe," she says and points. Her friend Gabrielle nods and follows right behind her. They move up to the front, right to the fence, and clasp onto the steel wires, as if doing so brings them that much closer to the Border.

Dee is drawn to the Borders. She likens it to being drawn to the ocean, although the oceans have the Borders now, too. The Borders are the new oceans, the new vast unknown. To stand and stare at the vast unknown--that is why she finds herself time and time again at the Borders.

Pillars one hundred-stories high and positioned at ten metre intervals mark the Border, or are the Border--that debate still continues. The smooth, black cylinders are architectural and technological proof that their makers come from an advanced civilization. The ones in front of Dee form the western boundary of the force field which encloses the whole eastern coast of the United States of America. Beyond the pillars, the land appears to continue, but it's an illusion. Anyone who attempts to pass the pillars and head off into that static landscape is instantly vaporized.

Little islands of humanity, thinks Dee as she scans the border. All around the world, islands of human life are surrounded by these force fields, mapped out by these mysterious pillars, with no sign of the creators. Five small islands--that's all that is left of North America. Europe has four; Asia, six. And the only way to travel to these islands is by the Causeways, like logs on muddy ground.

Dee searches the force field for sounds or activity or for whatever else is happening on the other side, even though she knows it's futile. Humanity uses all its technology to scan the flat expanses of the invaders' force fields but still cannot penetrate the barrier. The force fields refuse to give up their secrets but continue to project images of a world which may no longer exist behind their lethal facades.

In front of Dee, it's the same. She has never been this way before, but Gabe has, and she says nothing about this area has changed except that you can't go there anymore. In between the spaces of the pillars, Dee sees a scene so familiar, yet unnatural. The highway is empty, as if deserted; the long grasses are still but seem to be bent by the wind; the overpass above arches downward like it should, but the traffic lights below glow eternally red... and not one cloud crosses that blue sky, even though on this side of the Border it's a cloudy day.

"It's like surreal art in nature," says Gabrielle. "Reminds me of Christo."

Dee shrugs.

"Maybe the invaders are mining Earth of all its minerals," continues Gabrielle. "Or colonizing the planet. This may be the way they study other worlds--they could be anthropologists."

"I wonder if the playgrounds are still standing," Dee says. "Empty, but standing."

Coming to the Borders makes Dee think of wide-open spaces and the Earth she once knew. She sees flashes of the old Earth: she sees Patagonia; she sees icebergs floating in seas of blue-green; she sees birds in the hundreds taking off in flight as one. Then she sees a three year old standing inches away from a television set and wonders why she was so lucky, to be born when she was, when Earth was whole and majestic.

"Children today will never know Earth as a beautiful planet," says Dee. "Many have never seen a wild bird. The force fields have killed all the wild birds. The birds don't know anything about alien barriers or illusions and keep flying, right into the force fields."

Gabrielle looks pensively at the scene in front of her, then says, "We better start heading back." She leaves first, weaving her way through the crowd.

Dee raises her arms up slightly and close to her body, but before she can negotiate her way out, she is violently pushed back into the fence, then shoved out of the way as someone scrambles up its steel wires.

A few people in the crowd notice what has happened and vocalize their distress. A second later the alarm is sounded, and now everyone is aware that someone has made it over the security perimeter. To the left and at a distance, border police run out of their security hut.

The sudden pain in her shoulder is a shock to Dee, so she doesn't completely grasp what is going on until she raises her head to see a man staring at her from the other side of the fence. His body is shaking slightly, either out of cold, or fear, but his intense gaze remains steady on her.

"If you don't leave this spot," he says, "you'll be next." He stumbles several steps back and looks surprised to see a crowd of people watching him, like he never knew they were there. "I'M AFRAID, BUT IT'S SOMETHING I MUST DO," he addresses the crowd. "I CAN'T ESCAPE. I CAN'T."

For the briefest, and strangest, of moments, he appears to be listening to someone. His head tilts slightly to one side and his expression becomes blank, though it's clear he doesn't like what he hears. When he meets Dee's gaze again, he seems to be challenging her, or waiting to see what she'll do. She doesn't move.

"Okay then," he says and jabs a finger in her direction, "YOU'RE NEXT!"

Dee looks away, in the direction of the ever-nearing border police, feeling uneasy and embarrassed about being centred out by this delusional man. When she faces forward again, he is no longer in front of her, but running straight for the force field.

The border police try to catch him, to a point. They only go as far as the yellow line, marking the twenty-five metre mark, as far as they are required to go.

Dee watches in horror as the man nears the force field. She has seen suicides before, but only on television. This man is headed for certain death. The force field will instantly vaporize him: one moment he'll exist; the next, he won't.

The man's pace does not lessen as he nears the force field. When he reaches the pillars, he raises both his arms, as if he is being crucified, or welcoming his death.

* * *

Day 33

Dee looks up. The stars are eerily bright, brighter than on any cottage road. It's not natural--not for a city drenched in urban lighting. The force field above has artificially brightened the starlight. Unlike the force fields at the Borders, with their picture perfect worldscapes, the ones overhead are transparent. On the horizon, the dazzling full moon is cut in half, where the transparent force field above meets a Border.

Just like Gabe said, thinks Dee, surreal art in nature.

"Did you know that 47 per cent of human recruits choose non-combat positions," says the wave streaking beside Dee. "There are many opportunities for you in the Spiral Cluster Alliance. You could be a recruiter, like myself. Or watch the trainers, when on Training Ship 217; see if the trainer's position is one you'd like."

Dee stops, turns around and enters the variety store she was just about to pass. For several precious seconds, she is alone. She looks over at the clerk sitting behind the counter, reading a magazine. He didn't bother to look up when she entered, but she is still grateful to be in the presence of another human being.

She walks down one of the aisles and looks in some wonder at the well-stocked shelves. She has never seen a store so well-stocked. Rep Machines have done away with the need for storage. She chalks this set-up to customer appeal... and Leeruk's pattern sputtering to stabilize itself outside the store makes everything in here all the more appealing to her, but not for long.

"Cortex imaging allows the rider an extensive range from the host," says Leeruk the wave-streak, now that he is back by Dee's side. "But we still have not solved the problem of a host's quick, unpredictable movements. It is a flaw many humans exploit. Human are highly adaptive to new environments and situations but still will show displeasure over it."

Oh, so you find humans grumpy, eh, thinks Dee. She was going to say it out loud, but stopped herself. She doesn't want to start another conversation with Leeruk, even though he can hear much of what she thinks anyway. No matter what she does, he'll continue to talk, and talk, and talk... positive reinforcement he calls it--another one of his research tools.

Instead she examines the canned meat, wondering what pizza flavoured meat is like--she has never seen that one before. Then she looks up, across the aisle, and sees the juices and realizes she's thirsty. She walks over to the store freezer and bends down slightly to examine the selection.

Now that Dee is standing still, Leeruk is given the chance to become whole again, not just a bundle of streaks with two large, watchful eyes. Leeruk's pattern unfolds, and now he is fully formed and standing beside her.

"I have successfully recruited many humans to our cause... and why not?" Leeruk says bending down, too, so that his brown spotted face is next to hers. "They want to free their planet. You refuse to tell me as much, but I know you are on our side. I know you will make the jump because I can sense the fighter in you."

Purple drink... probably grape. Dee turns the bottle around and reads the home-made label. Yep, but grape stains. And that's definitely her mother talking now: but grape stains.

"Earth has been damaged," Leeruk says. "The Yoxnar destroyed the planet and are now re-building it in a form they find more suitable."

Clear, slightly yellow... must be apple juice. Yeah, good.

Dee picks the apple juice and heads to the counter and the waiting clerk.

"The Yoxnar call this Co-existence Settlement," Leeruk says, keeping pace with Dee. "Yes, it's true. They believe that they are co-existing with humans on Earth. They see the biospheres they have created for humans as progress in their race's social development. In the past they destroyed all life on a planet before settlement."

"Five dollars," says the clerk.

"Wow," says Dee. "Prices are coming down. The economy's bouncing back."

Dee glances over at her reflection in the store window and only sees herself. Such an image before, with Leeruk talking in her ear, used to be proof of her insanity.

"Allowing life native to a planet to exist alongside their settlements is a recent change in their policy," says Leeruk. "They declared it unprogressive to destroy all life on other worlds, no matter how primitive. They have given humans all they need to survive: the Rep Machines, as you call them, for food and materials; the limited portal technology to keep the human cultures in communication with each other."

Dee bangs the bottom of the bottle with her palm, hears a pop, and jerks back in surprise.

"My doing," says the clerk with a grin. "Just like the old days."

Dee smiles, at least she hopes she does, and nods once in good-bye. She leaves the store, but remains steps away from its doorway. She takes a sip from the bottle, then pauses before taking another sip. She can see Leeruk's eyelashes, he's so close to her now; they're long, like a human's. He's looking at her with those long eyelashes and those large, keen eyes blinking expectantly.

"Earth is the twelfth planet to be subjected to this form of settlement," Leeruk says. "The first occurred two hundred years ago, but the Yoxnar have not made any motions to contact any of the imprisoned inhabitants, but we believe someday--"

"Leeruk," Dee says, like she is tired of an old friend, or enemy, "can it."

Leeruk remains silent for several moments, and Dee doesn't help him to understand the phrase. At the corner of her eye, she watches him blink rapidly, searching for meaning. She almost feels sorry for him... almost.

"I believe," Leeruk finally says, sounding slightly hurt now, "you wish for me to halt my speaking."

Dee shrugs and takes another sip of her juice. "I can't think with you following me around. How many times have I told you this?"

Leeruk's head tilts back slightly, as if he is counting all those times. "Many," he finally says. "You need solitude to reflect on your decision. We're past Recruitment Day 17 and I have just now covered all the pertinent information for new recruits. Your request is not unusual. Very well then."

A few more blinks and Leeruk disappears.

Dee gulps down the rest of her juice, until the bottle is empty. She looks around the street, few people, few cars, it's almost quiet.

Well, she got what she wanted. But having Leeruk gone doesn't bring any relief, only the realization that she can't go on like this any more. The waiting has become the agony, not the knowing. Without Leeruk here to resist, to fight every step of the way, she only has herself and she's tired of pretending to herself. She knows she has made false threats: she will not commit suicide. Yes, she will jump through the portal of her own free will, and she hates Leeruk for that, for his confidence in his ability to mentor her, for his damn research which has proved him right every time.

She remembers Day 17 and the conversation she had, not with Leeruk, but with herself, in her head: the weighing of possibilities, the acknowledgment that she fears death more than the unknown, the gradual acceptance that she will have to leave Earth and all her loved-ones behind no matter how sad that makes her, and the clear-headed realization that she has no choice but to trust Leeruk.

And bloody hell! isn't that a piss off, thinks Dee, trying to see the humour in her terrible situation. I'm average again: average in school, average in sports, an average office worker, and now this, a recruit for an alien resistance force who will make Exit Time on Day 34, which is the average for all human recruits!

If she wasn't so angry and frustrated, she'd laugh. Instead, she's blinking back the tears. She loves Earth and her life here, and is in no way prepared to leave it. Only one thought propels her forward: other humans have done the same. Other humans have made that leap... and she'd like to meet them. It's something she's not used to anymore: humans who are free.

She drops the empty juice bottle in the recycle bin and reverses course, back to her apartment. She knows where her destination will be tonight, her last night on Earth. It's where she needs to be, but it means going home and getting her car.

* * *

Day 2

"Bunch of us are going out for a drink--the usual," says Gabrielle at the doorway of Dee's office. "You game?"

Dee swivels about in her chair. She thinks about the offer for a moment then says, "Might as well. Haven't done much today."

"Know what you mean. Still gets to you, too?"

Dee grimaces.

Gabrielle offers Dee a sympathetic look before disappearing from the doorway, but Dee can still hear her in the hallway.

Bunch of us are going....

Dee returns to her computer, and it appears as if she is about to start her work again, but then she places her head on the computer monitor and closes her eyes. He won't leave her alone, the man who committed suicide yesterday. One moment she'll see him running to his death, arms outstretched; the next, she'll see him pointing at her, Okay then, YOU'RE NEXT</i>. She remains like that for several moments, not wanting to move, but then she realizes she doesn't know where everyone is going, so she has to leave with the pack.

She jumps up, peers down the hallway and sees Gabrielle just putting on her coat. "Wait," she says. "I'm coming to the restaurant now."

But less than an hour later, Dee is on the subway heading home, leaning gingerly back in her seat, with both hands cushioning her neck.

"Can't be a migraine, can it?" says Gabrielle.

"No, just a headache. Never had one so bad," says Dee. "Thanks for coming with me. Just as far as the Causeways, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

Dee nods slowly then opens her eyes and looks across the aisle. This subway car is empty except for one man sitting in the seat directly across from theirs. She can barely see him; he exists in a blur. She thinks he has turned to look at her, but she isn't sure. She squints, then stops, because it hurts too much to squint. She almost points him out to Gabrielle because he seems a bit strange to her. His long brown hair seems to extend down his back, and his nose is quite large, but her bad vision may be making her see things which don't exist. She closes her eyes again.

Her friend did notice, though.

"What were you looking at?" Gabrielle says.

Dee smiles slightly, trying to remain pleasant despite the pain. "At blurs. I think I need glasses."

"Or it could be the headache."

"Could be," says Dee.

* * *

Day 34

She doesn't have time to do a proper job, so she'll clean up as best she can. She stares out of the kitchen window. It's too dark to see anything, now being past midnight, but she knows what's out there. The dried up pond. The dead garden. The unkempt lawn. The basketball net is gone now, but the rim would still be there.

She thinks back to the day she wishes a thousand times over had never happened, the day she said to Gabe, I wonder if the playgrounds are still standing. Empty, but standing. She may soon find out.

"You've cleaned up."

Her father leans against the kitchen doorway.

"Yeah, well," says Dee.

"Nice surprise tonight, you coming over," her father says. He stumbles back one step and recedes into the darkness of the hallway before righting himself back into the light. He spies the collection of bottles tidied up in the mud room and chuckles. "Your father drank too much again."

"Yes he did," says Dee, "but someday he's going to stop."

Her father bows his head, as if he is being scolded. With the help of the walls, he slowly turns himself around and disappears into the hallway.

Dee sadly watches her father leave, thinking why like this, why does he have to be drunk? She tried not to be angry tonight, or disappointed. Dee takes out an envelope of money from her back pocket and places it in a crack between the cupboard and the wall, where she knows a family member will find it.

After cleaning up the kitchen, she makes her way back to the living room, only to find her father asleep on the couch. She sits down beside him and touches his shoulder, but he doesn't wake. She reaches over for the remote control to turn down the volume of the television. Hoping her father will wake, she stays for another hour, watching the silent television, but he never does. And she doesn't wake him, thinking maybe it's best that way. She kisses him, then stands up.

First is was Peter, then it was Mom, now it's....

What allows Dee to take those first shaky steps to the front door is the knowledge that her father will get through it all. He has the support of family and friends; he'll never be alone. And one day, he will regain his will to live, but not before losing one more.

She rests her head on the steering wheel till her sobs slow, then stop. She sits up and wipes the tears from her face. On a hunch, she looks into the rear-view mirror.

"Your troubled state tells me you have begun to say your goodbyes," Leeruk says as he meets her gaze in the mirror.

Dee turns around in the car seat to face Leeruk, but of course she fails. His image warps slightly, then flits to her periphery on the far side of the backseat. Dee shifts her body so that she is leaning against the car door, her legs stretched across the front seat. When she faces the side window, Leeruk's image returns to its original position. She shakes her head in frustration and wipes away more tears.

She remains like that for several minutes, listening to cars drive down the street she grew up on, but she knows she's going to speak. This time she doesn't dread it. It's something, despite all her conversations with Leeruk, she hasn't done yet: start from the beginning.

"The invasion happened late afternoon, on a Wednesday. My classes at the university had finished for the day, and I was driving home. There was no chaos in the streets to clue me in. The first sign for me was the radio. I forgot to turn it on that day. I nearly made it home before realizing it; I guess the silence finally crept up on me. But when I turned it on, my station was gone. I searched the dials for a station, any station, but all I got was static.

"When I pulled into the driveway, my parents were waiting for me on the front porch, which instantly alarmed me. They told me what had broken down: radio, television, Internet, telephone, all the vehicles of communication. They had their theories: a natural phenomenon, a cyber-terrorist act, World War III, the Russians. My father offered the Russians, as if old enemies could explain it.

"No one knew what had happened. Everyone was asking, but no one had answers. For the first few weeks, we did like everyone else, but more. We stocked up on food--and still, for a time, paid for it--but we also waited for Peter. We barricaded our home against intruders... and we waited for Peter. We waited for Peter while we talked to the neighbours or to anyone else who wandered by. We waited for Peter while we helped develop a neighbourhood defence plan because of the increasing levels of violence in the streets. We were so sure Peter was on his way home. He was coming all the way from Ottawa and no one knew how bad it was out there or how long it would take him. Every moment of every day, we expected him. Someone always remained back so he wouldn't come home to an empty house. It was months before we learned of the force fields and how the Southern Ontario force field began at Kingston and how beyond that all was lost... including Peter."

Dee stops speaking and leans her head back on the car window to regain her composure. A few more cars drive by. She takes a deep breath, then begins again.

"We were the lucky ones," she says, glancing slightly in Leeruk's direction. "For us the invasion was over within seconds. Nothing happened to us, the survivors. We were the designated horrified onlookers, once we got TV back. The pillars and the force fields came down instantaneously and blocked what happened on the other side. Video caught it all, from security cameras to some people who happened to be pointing their camcorders in the right direction at just that moment. Are you still not going to tell me what happened to the victims of the invasion?"

Leeruk shakes his head. "You are not ready to know."

Dee cocks her head to one side in response, as if to say, at least I tried, then she continues. "I don't think the violence and anarchy that happened afterwards was because society had broken down; I think it was because we didn't know who had done this to us, or why. Or what happened to the rest, like my brother. Everything around us was the same, everything that before was familiar and safe was still there: houses, streets, the land and the sky... but everything had changed to scary. That's the only way I can describe it: the scary in everything. Who was out there; what did they want with us, and what did they do with everyone else. That more than anything is what I want to know: what happened to the people. And I don't mean in general. I want to know what happened to every living soul."

"Your society returned to order; yours sooner than others," says Leeruk.

Dee pauses briefly, aware that Leeruk is diverting the conversation away from the victims. She knows it's no use trying to direct the conversation down that path again. They've been there many, many times.

"It was like we all just collectively agreed to stop fighting something we couldn't understand," she begins again. "Once that happened, people accepted the police as law and order once more and began to obey traffic lights. Hospitals reopened. People began to pay for things again, not just take them. Then we discovered the devices which later made up the Rep Machines and the Causeways. They must have been there all along, and we didn't notice. The market economy was restored. We got TV back, and computers, and telephones, using the Causeways to keep us all connected. Radio became very localized, but the Internet solved that problem long before the invasion. We've created a new life for ourselves here."

"You would choose no other?"

"I thought... I thought someday I'd get married, raise children, live the rest of my life on Earth. I'm not saying I wasn't bothered by the limitations of this life, because I was. Maybe that's why I spent so much time at the Borders: I couldn't accept the cage. I'd stare and stare at it in disbelief and hope that it would all just go away, or that someone would save us." Dee chuckles. "I thought if one alien race could do this to Earth, then another could save it. I hoped the ways of the universe were similar to the ways of Earth: every action has an equal but opposite reaction, and every oppressor has a freedom fighter. I was right."

"When we found you, we were so pleased. We knew we had an excellent re--"

Leeruk's image stretches and warps and seems ready to fly across the seat but remains on the spot. The same motion repeats several times before he returns to a stable image.

Dee looks away.

"Recruitment shouldn't be forced on someone," she says coldly.

"We have no other method. Research shows--"

"Stop. Stop. I don't want to hear this again," Dee says as she turns herself completely around and starts the car. "I never agreed to be your recruit. And I haven't told you I will jump."

"I know you will."

"How?" says Dee, placing her foot on the brake.

"If you were going to commit suicide, you would have done so before Recruitment Day 8 and displayed more distress than you have ever shown, even in the first days of contact. You have handled all that has happened to you quite well."

Dee shakes her head. "I may want Earth to be free. But that doesn't mean you have the right to take my life away from me."

"We are not taking your life away from you," says Leeruk. "We are changing it, that is all."

Dee pulls out of the driveway too fast. Her tires screech, and she nearly hits the curb on the other side of the street before she is able to right the car into its proper lane. All this action means she doesn't have a chance to take one last look at her parent's house. She glances back in her rear-view mirror, but all she sees is bushes and trees.

* * *

Day 2

"...pattern still unstable, losing holo-transfer. Re-initial--

"Presently stabilizing... pattern fully realized. Approaching recruit... spatial boundaries configured and... and holding.

"Recruit is female, age 32 years. She is waking.... Adjustments successful--pain receivers nil...."

Dee hears strange talking and looks over at the television. The show she was watching before falling asleep on the couch is over and another has begun--that's what it must be. She remains lying down for several minutes, waiting, then sits up and waits some more. Nothing. The pain relievers have finally kicked in.

It's only nine o'clock, and she's still tired, but she won't sleep for long this early. Her stomach is a hungry, angry pit, so she heads for the fridge and last night's leftovers. She takes her plate of food to the living room and sits cross-legged on the couch, not bothering to turn the channel.

Go ahead, caller.

My spider plant is withering and has these brown flecks in the middle of its leaves--

Are you over-watering it?

No, not at all. It's--

Dee's subconscious must have been trying to tell her of the intruder all along, she's been carrying around a nagging feeling every since waking up from her nap, but only now gets the word out. Or image.

She doesn't have time to even think intruder, she is on her feet so fast, her plate of food dropping to the floor, her fork flung so instinctively. The fork doesn't miss its mark; it doesn't hit its mark, either, but passes through the intruder as if he is not standing there.

"I'm not really here, you see," says the intruder. "I can't harm you, and you can't harm me."

Dee picks up her plate and whips it at the intruder, and watches as the plate sails through the intruder's body, smashing against the wall behind him.

"Get out of here and I won't call the police!" she says. As she moves, so does the intruder, but he always seems to keep just out of her direct sight.

"Who... where... where!"

Even at these ever-shifting angles, what Dee sees unnerves her. The intruder appears solid, but objects can pass through him. He says he is not here, yet he dodges her every movement. And from this angle... his nose is not quite right, more like a snout... and the hair on his head seems more like fur than hair.

She gives up on trying to see him straight on, but still continually moves around the living room; "Who are you and what--"

Suddenly she can't find him.

She rushes to the window and looks out below, to the front entrance, even though she knows he wouldn't, couldn't, leave by that way.

"Sorry about that--"

"Jesus!" Dee twirls abruptly around, and the only reason she doesn't run screaming from her apartment is because her fingers are gripping the window ledge so tightly.

"My apologies Recruit 2284," says the intruder. "We're still having difficulties with my holo-pattern. I should say greetings to you, to ease your fears. I am not your enemy; the Yoxnar are. They are the ones who did this to your planet. I am a Trevol-lu, and the Trevol-lu and their allies in the Spiral Cluster Alliance have declared themselves friends of the people of Earth. You can call me Leeruk. And your name is...."

"Dee," she says, pressing fearfully against the window. "Dee Ronne."

The intruder presses several keys on the device clasped to his wrist. "Dee Ronne," he says, once he is finished. "Recruit 2283... David Holagar was right: you are next." Leeruk pauses for a moment. "He was a difficult assignment, but in the end he made Exit Time... to the day. And after he jumped through the portal, for 25.23 seconds, in the undetectable breach in the Yoxnar's force field, we were able to tag a new recruit."

"Tag?" Dee says with alarm. "What do you mean?"

"It is the tag which permits me to be projected here. Consider me a visitor surfing your brain waves. Only you can see me."

Dee takes several steps forward to confront Leeruk face to face then remembers her past efforts and stops.

"I do have limitations, as you have noticed," says Leeruk. "I must stay in your peripheral vision. We have never had that happen before... a physiological phenomenon peculiar only to humans."

"What if I don't want to be your recruit?" Dee says.

She discovers if she moves sideways, the intruder remains where he is; so she moves sideways across the apartment to create distance between herself and him and to move nearer to the door and to escape.

"It's not that simple, now that you've been tagged. You have 37 days to reach your Exit Time, the exact time and coordinates will be given to you at a later date. I regret to inform you that this is already Day 2, Day 1 being an administrative day, tagging the recruit, assigning the recruit to the appropriate recruiter, that sort of thing. Most of this day, Day 2, has been spent ensuring your tag is working properly. I apologize for any pain you experienced during this period. It is an unfortunate side-effect of the tag, but it does not last. All recruits experience it.

"You see, things are not as they appear, and we'd like to keep it that way. Many of the men and women you have seen running towards the force fields were not committing suicide but were recruits running towards a portal which transported them to one of our training ships. You must step through one such portal on or before Day 37 and become a member of the Spiral Cluster Alliance or the tag will default all your brain functions to our control and we will force you through the portal by a mind-control device called the Bendar."

Dee continues to make her way to the door, ever so casually manoeuvring herself around her coffee table.

"Your people are eagerly joining us and our cause," Leeruk says, untroubled by Dee's slow escape. "However, some, like David Holagar, need guidance. That is why I am here: to convince you that our cause is just and prove to you that you are not our prisoner, but a valuable member of the free planets which make up the Alliance."

Free? The free planets? thinks Dee. But I won't be free.

"I hear the word 'free' from you," says Leeruk. "Yes, I can hear what you think, individual words, small phrases, here and there. Quite random, and almost always confusing, but I find them helpful. Yes, we are here to free you. In return, you are required to join our forces for 400 days, at which point you may leave, if you choose, and join the regular population on one of the free planets. Maybe Earth will one day be one of the free planets, and you can return to your home world."

Dee is near the apartment door now, but doesn't follow through with escape, sensing fleeing won't change anything. There's only one way to change her fate now. She'll have to talk to him, get him to understand that his people have picked the wrong person.

"I am not a fighter," she explains. "And I don't want to be a fighter. So untag me." She stops to gain control of the pleading in her voice. "I'm glad that many people are eager to join your Alliance, but I'm not one of them. I won't tell anyone--I promise. Just... don't do this to me."

Leeruk looks down at the device on his wrist.

"Nine minutes, thirty-seven seconds," he says. "Thirty-five seconds longer than research says is beneficial for first contact with a new recruit. I must take my leave of you, Dee Ronne. As you say here on Earth, it was a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, and I know we will become good friends. I will be back tomorrow--I promise."

That said, Leeruk disappears.

Dee runs to the spot where he stood just moments ago.

"No, no, don't come back," she pleads. "DON'T COME BACK!"

* * *

Day 34

Parking the rental car at the most distant parking zone, Dee walks the rest of the way, merging with the throng of people, some just arriving, others just leaving. She searches the faces she passes. In them she sees flashes of the old Earth: she sees Patagonia; she sees ice bergs floating in seas of blue-green; she sees birds in the hundreds taking off in flight as one.

Then she sees the pillars, one hundred stories tall, menacing and alien. Between the pillars are green hills and a tiny, hedged-in forest. In the distance there appears to be a cottage, but she cannot make it out for sure. It may just be a stack of hay.

A country scene, she thinks, right out of Jane Austen's imagination. Wonder what Jane would make of the Yoxnar, or of Christo for that matter.

She's in England; that's where Leeruk instructed her to go. Leeruk is nowhere to be found, and she is grateful for that. She doesn't want any last minute nuisances to upset her enough to change her mind. Exit Time is two hours away, but Dee knows from experience it will take that long to reach the safety perimeter, and then....

She didn't know how to say goodbye to Gabe, so she wrote her a letter and mailed it just before she left for the Causeways. She wrote about their friendship, with not one word as to what she was going to do, or why. It's the only note she wrote, and it will be taken as her suicide note. No, no note to her father, and now she regrets it. He will always wonder why she did it.

If her mother was still alive, would she have told her the truth? What are mothers for, but telling everything to? Even without her mother here, she knows what her mother would say--go, and stay alive. Her mother would force herself to see the positives in this situation and arm Dee with them. A journey across the galaxy and her mother's words ringing in her head: there would have been no better preparation for what she is about to do.

Dee has no trouble moving to the front. Still, it nearly takes the two hours for her to reach her destination. She clasps the steel-wire fence and counts the number of pillars from the security hut for the umpteenth time to make sure she is in the right spot. People press around her from all angles, and she feels a little self-conscious about it. Soon she will surprise them, shock them out of their passive stare at the cage in front of them; and then, after it is all done and they are heading back to their cars, to home and their everyday lives, they will wonder about her and why she killed herself.

When it happens, it's just as Leeruk described. Between the two pillars in front of her, the air wrinkles, then ripples open. The portal. The outline of the portal is not clear, another physiological phenomena peculiar to humans, but the cortex projection is clear enough. The portal is only slightly darker than the force field, but there is no mistaking it; it is an opening. But to where?

Dee thinks the question, but doesn't allow herself to ponder it. She is already pushing herself upward, unbelievably so in her mind. She hasn't climbed a fence since she was young, and to do so in front of so many people is so unlike her. Then again, nothing that has happened to her this past month, these past twelve years even, has been like anything else before.

A few people notice what she is doing and shout at her, but she is high up on the fence and no one can touch her. The moment her feet touch the ground on the other side, all heads snap in her direction. A second later, the security alarm is sounded and the border police bound out of their hut and run towards her. Dee glances over at them with mild concern.

She then looks across the fence and meets the eyes of one young woman. This woman is in the direct line of the portal; she could be the next recruit. Dee moves closer to her and tries to think of something to say. What should she say? Be strong? It's not your decision, but remember it's still your choice? Go, and stay alive?

Dee smiles: she knows what she should tell her. It's what she has been telling herself along, even though she could never admit it.

"Believe," Dee says. She takes a few steps backwards and watches as the woman's expression turns from confusion to embarrassment. "Believe."

Leeruk then appears by Dee's side, and Dee tilts her head in his direction.

"Congratulations Recruit, you have made Exit Time," he says. "Once you have entered the portal you will find yourself on Training Ship 217. You will find the jump disorientating, but that is not unusual. We have medics waiting for you on the other side."

Dee has just enough time to nod in acknowledgement before Leeruk disappears.

Then with one more glance at the border police, who are quite close to her now, she takes off.

She doesn't hear the screams from the crowd. She doesn't sense that one of the border police is within range to grab her. She keeps running, and after one failed grab by that border policeman, she is past the yellow line, the twenty-five metre mark.

When Dee reaches the portal, just before she jumps, she raises her arms in the air, in a V, even though she knows she hasn't triumphed over anything. She still has her doubts, her fears, her sadness over leaving behind her old life and everything she was so sure she would one day be, but none of these troubling emotions will stop her from becoming a recruit for the Spiral Cluster Alliance because this too shall pass.

The End