The
Cold War
By Joel Harrison Lee
1
“The cold war dragged on for
years,” the man in the straightjacket began.
Ted stopped writing on his clipboard and eyed the troubled gentleman
cautiously over the wire rim of his glasses.
“It started soon after the global collapse of federal government, when
citizenship was divided between state and corporate seats in a last ditch
effort to preserve what little order still remained. But soon after the division, conflict arose.”
“I see,” Ted responded,
attempting to appease this man who, as even a first year psyche student could
see, desperately needed someone to understand.
Ted was there when the arresting officer brought the man into the
station. He was handcuffed and was
shouting something over the screaming reporters, something about guarding
someone. The usual stream of
miscreants, which seemed to daily fill the police station, made the scene
chaotic enough, but the press was going berserk. You have to expect that kind of reaction when you torch such a
respected member of the scientific community.
In the few hours that followed the arrest, precincts all over the city
reported similar incineration cases, some dating back as far as three years. It looked like the suspect had been pretty
active for a while, as serial killers go, but that hadn't yet been proven in a
court of law. The people, it seemed,
had already made their decision. Of
course, these days, that was nothing new, but neither was posturing as
non-compost menti to beat a murder charge.
The only real problem was figuring out which one this was.
The man shot Ted an
irritated glance before continuing. “As
a result, loyalty became as procurable a commodity as gold or wheat,
available,” he said, thunder rolling in the distance as if to emphasize his
point, “but only to the highest bidder.
Outside of the walls of the MetroComs…”
“Outside of what?” Ted
interrupted. It was a common practice
to interrupt the accused during interrogation.
It can leave them floundering, making their lies obvious.
“MetroComs,” the man in the
straightjacket answered, over-enunciating to accentuate his condescension,
“Metropolitan Complexes.” Ted showed no
signs of comprehending. “They’re self
contained city centers which the corporations have in every major commerce hub
in the world.”
“Ahh,” Ted placated,
attempting to feign understanding, “and these are the corporations which
currently posses rights of citizenship?”
The man in the straightjacket’s only answer was a contemptuous look. Ted suddenly felt very uncomfortable. “Please, continue,” he said clearing his
throat.
“As I was saying,” the man
proceeded, “outside of the walls of the MetroComs, it was impossible to tell
who your allies were without revealing your own allegiance, and that could
prove fatal. Boycotts were organized
and embargoes were imposed, but proved less than effective in the run for
supremacy. That’s when things turned
bloody.”
“What do you mean by bloody?” Ted asked.
“Terrorist attacks on rival
companies became the norm... anything to maintain the competitive edge. Thousands of lives were sacrificed in
hostile takeovers. Every stretch of
road was a potential battleground.
Civility, as a result, became extinct.
The streets, which were once filled with the delightful screams and
laughter of playing children, became desolate expanses of broken asphalt.” Ted began to nod along, all the while
scribbling notes on his clipboard. He
got the distinct impression that this man wouldn’t be cooperative for
long. He’d seen this type of psychosis
before, but the detachment from reality was seldom this extreme, which, in some
way, furthered his suspicions that this was all an act. Normally, in the more extreme cases,
behavioral logic is affected, too. That
didn’t seem to be the case here.
“Conversation became
intra-corporate,” he hesitated, shooting Ted a condescending look, then leaned
in and whispered, “that means occurring only between two or more citizens of
the same corporation.” He paused briefly,
as if waiting for him to nod, indicating that he understood, but decided to
continue regardless. “No corporate
business could be discussed outside the MetroComs. In fact, few corporate citizens even dared to speak at all
outside and those brave few
maintained whispered tones.
“When worldwide
communication was banned…”
“World wide communication
was banned,” Ted repeated, not quite asking a question. He wondered to himself if this man had ever
heard of the Internet. He decided that
it would be best not to press the issue and, in an effort to re-engage the
man’s story, asked, “How did people
stay informed?”
“For the awakened few, weekly board meetings became the only
source of news and information. Nothing
was disseminated without first being filtered and edited by teams of corporate
censors. Gradually, the corporations
were able to disconnect their
citizens from societal integration, predicated on the belief that it would
inspire them towards corporate piety.
Hospitals were operating at record capacities and cemetery space was
dwindling. What’s truly incredible is
that almost no one noticed.”
“Almost?” Ted inquired.
“Yes. Initially, the awakened state was sought
after and attained by only those of spiritual paths and with philanthropic
intention. However, the teaching was
corrupted by those who did not walk the path, who sought only the manifest
abilities.”
“Manifest abilities?” Ted
interrupted. He could see that this
man, although hiding it well, was becoming slightly agitated.
“There are benefits to be
acquired from every undertaking,” he answered rather curtly, “but, please,
don’t interrupt me again.” Ted held his
hands up apologetically but remained silent so as not to transgress again. “Even when the upper echelon corporate
employees, executives, and board members were awakened to the reality of the
situation, the masses remained asleep.
When the more intuitive people began to wake up, they were first
approached for recruitment. If that was
unsuccessful, they were made to look like left-wing conspiracy theorists.”
“And why is that?” Ted
asked.
“Because the best place to
hide something is in plain sight.” The man in the straightjacket answered.
“Huh?” he grunted.
“The best way to cover up
something is to make the facts seem unreliable. A good way to do that that is to call into question the integrity
of the bearer of said facts.”
“If only the awakened could
be aware of what was going on,” Ted asked, aware that this question would
probably sacrifice the remnants of this man’s cooperative nature, “who was left
the be fooled by a cover up?”
“The sleeping masses,” the
man answered.
“The sleeping masses, that’s
right.” Ted responded, attempting not to be to patronizing. “And what exactly was being covered up?” Ted
pressed.
“The truth,” he responded
flatly.
“The truth about what?” The man in the straightjacket only
grinned. Obviously, Ted had just used
up the last of his cooperation credits.
Throughout the extent of the interview,
this hardly seemed like the same man who, not six hours ago, was raving madly
in a veritable sea of notepads and flashbulbs.
With the exception of the fantastic nature of his story, this man
seemed, at least through a cursory observation, of sound logic. This added a new possible dimension to the
alleged homicide, intent.
“As individuals were forced
further into an already shrouded existence, human evolution, in response, took
a step forward.”
“Step forward?” Ted asked,
shaking his head to accentuate his lack of understanding. He began to wonder if he should even
continue with the interrogation if this
man wasn’t going to be helpful.
Obviously, this troubled soul in the straightjacket had no idea of the
gravity of the situation he was in. Of
course, when your illness is as advanced as this one’s could be, you could be
killing to quiet the angry voices in your head. There was still the possibility that his mental illness could be
a ruse. Ted didn’t want to rule out
anything. He preferred to keep his
options open.
“I can’t say who was the
first to notice the change” the man said, once again taking no mind of the
question, “but I do know who was the first to understand the implications.”
“And that was?” Ted asked,
smiling and trying to seem genuinely interested, guessing that this was the
only way to further his analysis.
The man in the
straightjacket smiled back. “Dr. Kyle
McWhirter.”
Ted’s smiled faded. “Dr. McWhirter? The man you stand accused of murdering?”
“One and the same. I opened his eyes.” The man in the straightjacket responded, the
smile still touching his lips.
“Not according to the death
certificate,” Ted said in an attempt at levity. He had never been much for making jokes, but he never let that
stop him. “How did you come to know Dr.
McWhirter?” he asked, attempting to re-establish the appearance of
professionalism. He had a difficult
time taking this assignment seriously.
He was basically given this case to do the paperwork and ensure that the
accused was competent to stand trial. A
fixed evaluation, so to speak. He
remembered the phone call from the night before.
****
The phone rang just after
midnight. Ted had already taken the
usual 500mg Halcyon to facilitate the sleep process. He had started at 100mg, just after he lost his wife and son, but
within two weeks he was up to 250. A
month later he went up to 500 and had been there even since. This dosage still worked for him, but he was
sleeping less with every passing week.
He was just starting to drift off when the call came.
“Dr. Welch,” the voice on
the other end said, “we have received your request to return to work and it has
been approved. Report to the 21st
Police Precinct, tomorrow, 9am.”
“What?” he asked, still not
sure if he was awake.
“You’ve been assigned to a
case, sir. Per your request.” The voice grew silent, waiting for a
response.
“Right, sorry,” he
explained, “still a little drowsy.” Ted
grabbed his pen and notepad off the nightstand and scribbled the details,
repeating, “21st Precinct, 9am. Got
it.”
“It would be preferred if he
were found competent to stand trial. In
fact, it is advised. Do you have any
questions, sir?” The voice asked.
“No,” he responded, rather
automatically, “none.” It turns out
that he should have asked a few.
****
This man wasn’t being
liberal with the information he needed, and he definitely didn’t trust Ted.
“I don’t know that I can trust you. Never give pearls to swine
lest they trample them into the dust.
I think the Bible says that somewhere.”
He glanced up at Ted, who appeared momentarily stunned. “Besides, if you were ready for what I have
to tell you, you most likely wouldn’t have to ask me anything.”
Ted only shook his head in
confusion. “Look, I’ve been appointed
by the county to evaluate your mental fitness so that you can be brought up on charges
for the crime which you’ve allegedly
committed. Furthermore, I’ve been urged
by my superiors to find you coherent so you can be tried. Is that what you want? To be rushed through trial and executed
immediately afterward? If it is, tell
me now and I’ll save myself the stress.”
The gravity of this situation should have given him some leverage in
this interview, but so far, it hadn’t.
He hadn’t been briefed on what to expect, and he still didn’t know
anywhere near enough about this man to arouse any self-confidence. What he felt, however, was that this man
indeed posed a possible threat. To
what, exactly, he couldn’t say.
“I’ve committed no crime.”
the man in the straightjacket offered, seemingly in response to the unspoken
analysis. “But I’ll cooperate, if it
will help you understand.”
“Thank you,” Ted replied,
dazed, but feeling almost as though he had achieved some measure of victory,
“it will help. First,” he said, tapping
his pen on the clipboard, “if I could just get your name.”
“First, you need to tell me how much you already know.”
“What’s that?” Ted coughed,
growing more agitated. He should have
known that it wouldn’t be that easy.
“Well,” the man explained, “we are dealing with extremely sensitive information, here. If I reveal too much, it could damage the very fabric of your reality.”
“You stand accused of
murder!” he yelled finally losing his patience. Maybe it was too soon
to return to work. Screaming at the patient was not what you’d call standard
operating procedure and, for the most part, Ted went by the book, but this guy
was pushing his buttons. He took a deep
breath and calmed himself. “Don’t you
think that warrants a bit more consideration?”
“I’ve committed no crime,”
the man reiterated, “but if I unnecessarily divulge some forbidden truth, then
we’ll all be engulfed by the turmoil.
Is that what you want?” the man in the straightjacket asked, doing a
fair impression of Ted, “to have your world warp before your eyes? Let me know and I’ll save myself the
stress. Now,” he asked, turning to Ted
and smiling, “don’t you think that warrants
a bit more consideration?”
Ted nodded knowingly,
finally thinking that he understood. As
smug as this man in the straightjacket was, he was by no means faking a mental
disorder. This gentleman sincerely
believed everything he had just said.
If he were forced to make a
diagnosis right now, he would admit that he was possibly dealing with a
paranoid schizophrenic, not to be mistaken for multiple personality disorder
(it irritated him that people confused the two). This meant that Ted would have to let him lead the inquiry. He had never been one to hand over the
reigns, as it were. He preferred
feeling like he was in control. Of
course, he loathed the snap diagnoses that he mostly associated with populace
psychobabble, but in a pinch, you go with what you have. Besides, the
conviction in this man’s eyes was unmistakable. And there was something else, something he couldn’t quite put his
finger on.
“Alright,” Ted resigned,
throwing his hands in the air. He
realized that the only way into this man’s head was through whatever game he
wanted to play. “Where should I begin?”
“With the good doctor, if
you please.” the man in the straightjacket suggested.
Well,” he began staring into
the file folder he held in his hands, the repository of all information
relating to this case, “Dr. Kyle
McWhirter, a geneticist, born in Glasgow, Scotland 1963; died,” he said looking
to the man in the straightjacket, “today.
He majored in Biology and Physics at MIT and graduated in 1979 – one of
the first teenagers to do so. The Dow
Corporation recruited him in 1981 and put him to work in their Developmental
Bio-Genetics division. He won the Noble
Prize in 1995, 1998, and 2001 for his groundbreaking research in Quantum
BioChemistry. He was single with no
children. Currently, he has been under
investigation for possible involvement in the disappearance of a colleague. What else?” he asked himself as he flipped
through the file. “It also mentions
that he was researching a possible link between memory and DNA.”
The man in the straightjacket nodded. He studied Ted again, gauging his sincerity. “My name is Doyle.” Ted sighed in relief as he scribbled the name on the top page of his clipboard. They were finally beginning to break through the barriers. He could almost feel the lines of communication opening between them, as it were. Doyle went on. “Maybe, it’s time you were given some background. You see, before Dr. McWhirter’s research, it was already known that thinking causes a chemical response in the brain. For every thought a person has a group of chemicals is produced. In fact, every piece of information and memory stored in the brain is represented by the production of these chemicals, which are called neuro-peptides.”
“Yes,” Ted interrupted, “I remember watching Deepak Chopra on PBS one night, and he spoke of that.”
“Right, well, Dr. McWhirter’s research,” Doyle explained, picking up where he left off, “established that each series is unique and specific to the fact or memory represented. Since the key to manufacturing these neuro-peptides lies encoded within the DNA strand, he felt that the potential for any knowledge and memory pre-existed the experience itself. He went on to assert that the experiences themselves were merely instances of self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“But that would mean that our entire life experience was somehow preordained by our genetic code.” Ted concluded, shaking his head to express his disagreement.
Doyle only lifted his eyebrows and grinned. “His experiments would later reveal that not only the manufacturing code for the production of the neuro-peptides was encoded in the DNA, but the order of their production as well.” Ted shifted his gaze to the floor, trying to follow the details. This man in front of him might very well be insane, but he damn well knew what he was talking about. “This meant that a person’s life experiences could be completely charted, from birth to death, using nothing but a strand of their DNA. It would be years after before he was actually able to do it, though.”
“And how is it you know so much about McWhirter’s research?” Ted politely requested, not wanting to seem insistent.
“Did I not mention that?” the man in the straightjacket smiled. “I was the test subject that lead to his breakthrough.”
“Oh.” Ted would have been happy if at least that
fact had made it into the file, but county wasn’t known for their information
gathering abilities. Incomplete files
were the norm, which truly didn’t help in this case. He honestly couldn’t decide in which direction the circumstances
were leading him. At that moment,
though, he believed that this man’s guilt could not have been more
obvious. This man seemed intelligent,
manipulative, and appeared to have no remorse for his crimes. These were classic sociopathic
characteristics. But that didn’t
explain the delusional state. It could
be that this man’s problems were layered, one on top of another: a paranoid
schizophrenic sociopath, riddled with moments of epiphany. But even that, far fetched as it was, just
didn’t add up.
Evaluations like these were
always so taxing; most mental health professionals wouldn’t touch a sociopath
with a ten-foot couch. What the hell
would they do with this guy? What was the right thing to do? Should he follow his superiors’ advice,
ignore the investigation, and just find this man competent to stand trial? Justice served? Or should he simply proceed, loyal to his oath, and continue this
evaluation, possibly finding this man unfit to stand trial? Who knew?
The fact of the matter was that either road could lead to the same
destination. So why was he laboring
over this?
“Anyway,” Doyle said,
attempting to return to the matter at hand, “Dr. McWhirter was able to locate
and catalog what he called the death
series.”
“Death series?” Ted
asked. He hoped that this might open
another doorway, as it were; get them a little closer to the goal.
“The series of
neuro-peptides produced at the moment of death.” Doyle explained. “Once he
isolated the series, he was able to determine not only when a person would die,
but how they would die as well.” He
looked to Ted smiling, and added, “Kind of took all the fun out of it, you
know? As he began to catalog the
various death series, he stumbled upon something.
“He had acquired DNA samples
left by two different incineration victims.
One reflected the normal neuro-peptides in a death series associated
with fire or burning. The other suggested
that something else occurred.”
Ted was silent, but hanging
on every word. He almost felt
mesmerized, not so much by the man, but by the information.
“The closest he could come
to defining it was spontaneous combustion.
He wasn’t far off. What really
shook him up was when he catalogued the presence of that particular death
series in his own DNA.”
The story was interesting,
Ted had to admit, but how insane would a person have to be to believe all of
this. When he went home that night, he would
do a little checking of his own into the matter of Dr. McWhirter’s DNA
research. Listening to Doyle’s ranting
left him feeling nearly exhausted. He
stood up and walked to the door. “Ready
on twelve!” he called to the guard stationed on the other side. The heavy lock slid back with a loud clack.
He looked back at Doyle as he exited.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. We’ll
continue then.”
Doyle smirked. “I’ll be here.” he retorted, rather
matter-of-factly. The door slammed shut
and the lock clicked gently back into place.
He watched as Ted talked to the guard outside for a moment before he
finally left. It was going to be a long
night. There was much to do.
2
Doyle opened his eyes as the lock slid back with a loud clack, heralding Ted’s arrival. The door opened and he started through, but the guard stopped him and took the umbrella, which hung in the crook of his arm.
“Welcome back,” Doyle said,
still restrained by the straightjacket.
“Expecting rain?” Ted walked
over to his chair, sat down and began writing on his clipboard, much as he had
done the day before. “How was your
sleep last night?”
Ted stopped writing but did
not look up from his clipboard. “I
slept well, thanks for asking.” But the
way he hurried through his answer suggested he wasn’t being completely
honest. In fact, what little sleep he
was able to steal from last night’s tossing and turning episode was filled with
very disturbing dreams of being chased, implants being placed in his head by
aliens, and swords with blades made of fire.
He blamed his recent loss of appetite.
The man in the straightjacket only grinned with a deep
satisfaction. “Now, you told me a lot
yesterday,” Ted said attempting to place the focus back where he felt it
belonged, “and I did a little looking of my own. Everything you told me about Dr. McWhirter’s research checks out,
well, everything that I was able to access anyway, but that brings up a very
good point.”
Doyle tilted his head
slightly and answered the question that was yet unspoken. “How do I
know so much about McWhirter’s research?”
“It does seem a little
unusual for a test subject to have such a large amount of the research
information.”
Doyle pondered over this for
a moment and then uttered, “Unusual, but not impossible.”
“Okay,” the man in white
resigned, already not liking the way today’s questioning was going “so then,
you’ve decided not to cooperate with me?
Is that right?”
“Your line of questioning is
not expediting the process,” Doyle answered rather cryptically.
“Well then,” the man in
white asked, feeling quite insulted “what exactly do I need to know?” The
room seemed to grow darker as Doyle leaned in, looking so very determined.
“There is a difference”
Doyle proceeded, his voice seeming to echo despite the padded walls, “between
experiencing things for what they are and experiencing them for what they
appear to be. From one perspective the
difference is subtle, at best, but from the other, it’s unfathomable. Every experience we have is filtered through our own frame of reference
- this frame of reference being the sum total of every experience we have and
the significance we place on said experiences.
Therefore, what we know, or think we know, clouds our perception
of what truly is. Do you understand?”
“I don’t understand what
this has to do with why you’re here,” Ted answered trying to sound polite, but
at a deeper level he was growing quite uneasy listening to what this man had to
say. He tried to ignore the rambling
and focus on the point, but when Doyle spoke, it seemed that there was
something else going on. He couldn’t
quite explain it, but he was starting not to like the way he felt drawn into a
different frame of mind in response to Doyle’s words. It made him feel like he was not in control.
“What would you do if you
suddenly woke up to the fact that everything you knew was but a shadow of the
truth?” Doyle asked, a sense of urgency filling his voice.
“What the hell are you talking about, Doyle? I’m trying to help you,” Ted insisted, “but if you don’t want to stick to the pressing matter at hand!”
“Ted,” he answered
emphatically, “I’m just addressing the core issue of your inquisition. You simply have yet to realize that.”
Ted blinked. He suddenly felt almost as if he were
dreaming. “Did you just call me Ted?”
“That’s your name, isn’t
it?”
“Yes,” he said, “but I never
told you.”
“Of course you did, when you
first came in…”
“No,” he interrupted, “I
didn’t it. It’s against the ru-” he
faltered, then finding a more professional demeanor, continued, “It’s against
policy to divulge our names while working a case.” He glared at Doyle who only smiled in return. Ted dropped his gaze to the floor and began
rubbing his temples. This back and
forth was giving him a headache. He
looked back up to Doyle and his breath hitched. He could see the air between them ripple, like heat coming off
blacktop on a hot August afternoon.
In an instant, Ted’s head
was filled with images of flaming swords and lightning. He could hear screams in the distance and
could feel thunder shake the walls. He
watched as the floor cracked beneath him and opened up. He felt as though he was literally going to
be consumed by the earth. He looked up
to Doyle and suddenly everything was as it was. No screams, no thunder, no swords, no lightning. Ted looked around, momentarily confused, and
realized that he felt exhausted again.
The Guardian draws near, Ted.
“Times up!” the guard called
through as the lock slid back into the door with a loud clack. “You have to go
sir!”
Ted snapped his head toward
the guard as if he had just been awakened suddenly. He glanced at his watch, but, according to the time it displayed,
it had apparently stopped shortly after he had arrived this morning. “Right.
We’ll, um…” he stammered, forcing the words out of a mouth that had long
ago gone dry, “we’ll continue this tomorrow.”
He stepped through the doorway and the door slammed shut behind him, the
lock returning with a gentle click. Doyle
leaned his head back, shut his eyes, and smiled.
3
As Ted opened the door to
his efficiency apartment, the day’s events still burning through his head, he
realized that he hadn’t eaten in over a day.
Strangely enough, he didn’t feel hungry. Must be coming down with
something, he thought to himself as he closed the door behind him. He reached into the refrigerator, grabbed
one of the many cans of Coke which adorned the inside shelves, and popped the
top. He brought the cold red can to his
lips and threw his head back, guzzling the soda. He forgot to grab a drink before leaving the jail, and his mouth
had never been so dry; not even the post-bong cottonmouth of his younger days
compared to this. With a few swallows,
the can was empty and being thrown in a little yellow bin marked Recycle.
He walked into his living
room and sat down in his Lay-Z-Boy. Hr
grabbed for the remote and turned on the television.
“Another incineration victim
was found today,” the news anchor droned.
“Authorities have yet to determine the cause of death, but the initial
investigation suggests another case of spontaneous combustion. This is the third such case this month and
authorities have yet to…”
Ted’s attention shifted to
the picture he kept on top of the television.
It was Christmas two years ago.
His wife and his son were seated beside him, the picture of family
togetherness. It was hard to believe
that it had only been three months since the accident.
He blamed himself, of
course. He had been working late, so he
wasn’t there when his son, Ritchie, needed to take a last minute trip to the
craft store for some poster-board. He
had a project to do at school the next day.
His kindergarten class was beginning to work on finger-painting, and he
couldn’t be the only one not painting.
So Karen drove him into town.
They never made it. The
investigators still weren’t’t sure what happened.
The car was found crashed into a tree along Highway 16, but there were no bodies in the car, and no blood at the scene. All that was found was two piles of ash on the front seat but no other signs of anything being burnt. There were no marks on the seat or the roof of the car to indicate a fire, either, just ashes. There was some speculation that it may have been spontaneous combustion, but nothing was ever confirmed. He placed his face in his hands and began to weep, aching to see them, even if only once more.
The last three months had been filled with intense therapy sessions, numerous prescriptions, and two near-suicide attempts. He got the barrel of the gun in his mouth, but just couldn’t pull the trigger. He probably should not have returned to work this soon, but he couldn’t sit around this little box of an apartment and stew about it any longer. He had to do something.
The Guardian, Ted.
His attention drifted back
to Doyle. He didn’t know what to make
of him. Despite this man’s obvious
psychosis, there was something (bodhisattva)
about him, something almost mystical.
As he began to wonder how Doyle seemed to know so much and exactly why
he killed Dr. McWhirter, exhaustion swept over him in waves, just as it had
done at the police station, only more intense.
He felt that if he didn’t make it to his bed right now, he’d be sleeping
wherever he happened to fall, and looking down, the kitchen linoleum didn’t
appear very comfortable. He lumbered
into his bedroom and literally fell onto his bed. He was sleeping before his head hit the pillow. His dreams were filled with images of Doyle,
aliens with implants, and his wife and son.
He awoke the next day, feeling more confused than he would ever have
imagined possible.
4
“You’ve
done something to me, haven’t you?” Ted demanded as he walked through the
door. Doyle only looked past him as the
door closed and the lock gently slid back into place. His eyes met Ted’s in a look that Ted could only describe as
empathetic. “You infected me with some
kind of contagious mental disorder.
Every time I try to focus my attention on something, I find myself
racked with confusion.”
“Confusion
is good,” Doyle explained. “Confusion
establishes the perspective needed to achieve true understanding. It is
rather difficult in the beginning, isn’t it?
There is always so much to undo.”
Ted
shook his head. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t. You’ve progressed quite a bit, but not that
far yet.”
you were faking a psychotic break in order to beat a
murder rap, then last night, I’m thinking you’re the Dalai Lama. Kind of a discrepancy between the two, don’t
you think?” Doyle only smiled. “Have
you hypnotized me or something?” he asked, laboring to keep his voice
down. “Why do I suddenly know things
that I have no business knowing," he asked, thinking of the way he knew
that his neighbor was selling drugs out of his apartment, “and why have I been
hearing voices since I woke this morning?”
“You should try to think of
consciousness as a collective force, rather than an
individual one,” Doyle elaborated. “Every living being shares the same consciousness,
but most are only aware of their own use of it. You, on the other hand, are now becoming aware of the collective
use.”
“Would
you just cut the shit, Doyle? I mean,
how is any of this possible? What are
you, some kind of bodhisattva, magician
or witch? Have you thrown some kind of
spell on me?” Ted asked, his volume raising a notch. “Because I can assure you, I don’t like being fucked with!”
“I’ve awakened you to a
deeper level of perception, nothing more.” Doyle answered. Ted sighed in response. “You’re having trouble with this, I know,
but believe me-”
“Believe you?”
Ted yelled. “Reality check,
Doyle, you’ve been arrested for murder.
I’m here to evaluate your…”
“You’re here because you
needed to find me,” Doyle answered, his grin never fading.
“I’m here to evaluate your
mental fitness!” he screamed at Doyle.
“Do you hear yourself? This is
ludicrous! Try to see this situation from
my perspective. I was sent here to make
sure that you stand trial. And you’re
telling me that, and let me see if I have this right,” Ted said, nearly
laughing, “you’re telling me that I’ve been on some kind of quest to find
you. Well, your holiness,” he said,
emulating a bow, trying to be as sarcastic as possible, “when did this mystical
quest supposedly begin?”
“The night Karen and Ritchie
left you,” Doyle said, the smile had faded from his lips.
Ted’s breath hitched. “What did you say?”
“The night they died, Ted,”
Doyle reiterated, “that’s when your quest began. Haven’t you realized that yet?”
Ted only shook his
head. “How could you have known
that? Who have you been talking to?” he
asked as he glanced toward the door.
Doyle dropped his gaze to the floor and inhaled deeply, he looked up and
stared into Ted’s eyes and exhaled. Ted
watched as the air between seemed to ripple.
“Have you been wondering why
you haven’t felt the need to eat the last few days?” Doyle asked. Ted raised an eyebrow in response. “Do you know what enlightenment is Ted?”
“Of course,” he said,
feeling as though his intelligence had been insulted, again. “It’s the state of awakened spiritual
understanding.”
“Straight out of the
dictionary, huh?” Doyle asked.
Evidently, he was naturally sarcastic.
“Enlightenment, is an awakened state, but spiritual understanding is one
of the prerequisites, not the end result.
You see, in the beginning, man was a being consisting of and sustained
by pure light. He was light, or enlightened, as the case may be. Life was paradise. Biblically speaking, it was the Garden of Eden.” Thunder rolled somewhere in the
distance. At that, Ted attention
snapped to Doyle. He had been thinking
of the dream he had two nights prior.
He remembered thinking that aliens were putting implants in his head,
but upon reconsideration, he supposed that he thought they were aliens because
they were beings made of pure light, like in the movie Cocoon. Doyle met his gaze
to ensure he had his attention before continuing. “Seeking enlightenment, is seeking a return to that original
state. Theologically expressed as man
returning to Eden.” He stopped suddenly, then added, “I have seen Eden, Ted,
it’s not a myth.”
He’s doing it again, he thought as Doyle words washed over him in an
almost perceptible wave. He felt his
breathing become deep and rhythmic.
Then, he began to feel a slight vibration, first in his feet, but
gradually rising up though his legs. As
the vibration reached his torso it became more intense, and as it reached his
head, it drowned everything else out.
For a moment, there was nothing else, no cell, no Doyle, and no
Ted. Then, as suddenly as it had
started, it stopped. Ted was left
standing, breathless and shaken up. He
looked over to Doyle, and it almost looked as if he were glowing. Ted blinked a few times and the cell looked
as it had, nothing seemed different.
Except something had definitely changed. Everything looked newer
somehow. The colors, even the ones in
this drab cell, looked brighter than before.
The change was subtle, but not imperceptible.
“It has begun,” Doyle explained. “It will only take a short time to
adjust.”
Just then, the lock opened
with a loud clack, and the guard
called in “Sir, it’s time!”
Ted glanced down at his
watch, not astonished to find that it had stopped again. “We’ll uh, -”
“Continue tomorrow?” Doyle
asked smiling.
“Yes,” Ted nodded, smiling
back.
“There is one more
thing.” Ted stopped and walked
back. “I have a strange request of
you.”
“What is it?” he asked. Doyle motioned for him to come closer. Ted leaned in and the guard shot him a
cautious look as Doyle whispered something to him. Ted pulled away, brow furrowing, but something in Doyle’s eyes
made him reconsider. “Okay,” Ted sighed
as he turned to exit. The door closed
behind him and the lock returned with a gentle click. Doyle closed his
eyes and leaned his head back. It would
be soon now.
5
As Ted walked down the long, dark hallway toward the exit, a rotund man in a much more elaborate uniform than the patrol officers wore called to him. “Doctor Welch! Doctor Welch!” Ted snapped out of his momentary daze and turned to greet the man.
“Hi,
Dr. Ted Welch.” He said extending his hand.
The man in the ornate uniform took Ted’s hand, pumped it twice and
released. A corporate handshake? Ted thought to himself.
“Captain Briggs, Robbery and
Homicide. So,” he said turning toward
his office and directing Ted to do the same, “do we have a motive yet?”
“Not
as yet,” he answered. “The accused
exhibits severe signs of schizophrenic behavior. I don’t even know if he’s competent to stand trial yet.”
“Well,
what’s taking so long? You know we’ve
connected him with about thirty-eight other homicides with the same m.o.,
right? The brass wants this guy, bad. They’ve even offered a bonus if this gets
wrapped up quickly and quietly,” the captain whispered.
“Bonus?” Ted asked, doing pretty fair at masking his
building exasperation.
“If
we can get this guy to trial before the weekend, there’ll be a bonus for the
entire precinct!”
Ted flinched. He had always felt indignant about the
materialism that had permeated society.
Perhaps he spent too many of his younger years reading eastern
philosophy and not enough supplementing his portfolio, but he always felt
nauseated by his peers’ relentless pursuit of the almighty dollar. And now, this pillar of the law enforcement community was showing his true colors. He could feel his resentment toward this man
building. It was as if loyalty had
become commodity. He nearly froze at
that thought. “Well, let me see what I
can do about that,” he said back to the captain, forcing a smile as he turned
to leave. He walked back down the long,
dark hallway toward the exit, hoping that this time he would actually reach it. He felt sluggish, almost lethargic. Getting
home was his immediate priority.
Pushing through the door marked Exit
he made his way down the front steps of the 21st Precinct. The remaining daylight lingered, an orange
line on the horizon. The street, which
normally bustled with activity, seemed unusually quiet and empty. It was as if the neighborhood had become a -
“Desolate
expanse of broken asphalt” Doyle’s voice seemed to call from the
gloom. He stiffened where he
stood. Did the street look so deserted
yesterday when he left? Then he vaguely
remembered Doyle saying something about “It has begun” but it was all so
hazy. He supposed, as he made his way
home, that tomorrow Doyle might provide some insight into the conflict that had
begun raging inside of his head.
As
he walked down the long, dark hallway to what the officers affectionately
referred to as the holding tank, Ted
again wondered if he was doing the right thing. He didn’t remember ever doubting his actions this much before
taking this case. What was this strange
hold Doyle had over him? He didn’t dare
admit it, but Doyle inspired, at least in him, a sense of awe. It was a great feeling, but he couldn’t help
but feel apprehensive about his own willingness to feel great. He guessed that made him about as sane as
anyone else in his line of work.
As
he approached the door to Doyle’s cell, he began to notice how different
everything appeared. The guard who had
been posted outside Doyle’s cell door for all of Ted visits wasn’t wearing a
uniform. Ted began to think how odd
that was until the guard spoke to him.
“Good
morning Dr. Welch,” he said opening the door for Ted. He failed to notice that the door didn’t have to be unlocked
first.
“Good
morning,” Ted mimicked as he brushed past.
He entered the cell only to find the appearance of it had definitely
changed. It no longer looked like a
cell; it looked more like an office, due in part, Ted guessed, because Doyle
was no longer in a straightjacket.
“Good
to see you Ted.” Doyle remarked standing to greet him. For the first time, Ted noticed that Doyle
was only about 5’6”; a good six inches shorter than he himself.
Ted
only looked around confused and extended his hand. Doyle grasped it and shook it firmly for a few seconds, all the
while measuring Ted reactions. Ted
began shaking his head and asked, “Okay, what the hell is going on? Did you execute some sort of coup de tat’ to
take over the police station?”
“This
place,” Doyle said, gesturing out to his sides, “was never a police
station. You perceived it as such
because that was the only way to bring you here.” Ted silently continued to look around.
“This
is all too strange, Doyle.”
“Only
at first,” Doyle responded. “Trust me,
in a few hours, you will see all you need to.
You do, however, deserve some kind of explanation.
“You
see, two worlds exist in a single perceived space.” Doyle saw the confusion in his eyes and decided to elaborate
before moving on. “What the majority of
the population perceives as the real
world is only perceptual data flooding their senses. The corporations knew that eventually people
would start to wake up to the reality of the situation, so they began emitting
electronic signals on a wide band radio broadcast that would stimulate the
production of only specific series of neuro-peptides, inducing a similar
perception by all affected individuals.
Television sets, radios, computers all became carriers of this broadcast
stimuli. Eventually, cell phones,
streetlights, and stoplights, as well as household appliances, became conduits
for the signal. And they weren’t really
altering perceptions as much stimulating the brain to do so. They created a collectively perceived
illusion. Most people see only what
they know anyway, and for those, this was a kind of reinforcement.”
Ted
looked around nervously. For a moment,
he thought that maybe he was right about Doyle’s contagious psychosis, but he
didn’t feel the irrationality associated with schizophrenic behavior. In fact he felt completely lucid for the
first time since ...
“Since
the crash?” Doyle asked.
Ted
blinked. Doyle was definitely something
different. “Yeah,” he said studying the
floor.
“Do
you know what transcendence is Ted?”
Ted’s
brow furrowed. He vaguely remembered
reading something about transcendental meditation, but he was unable to recall
what, exactly. He shook his head.
“Transcendence
is when you rise above involvement in worldly issues and dilemmas. It was thought for centuries that this was
purely a spiritual and mental exercise.
It seems, however, that there was an aspect that was lost or omitted
from the teachings: transcendental ascendance.” He looked to Ted and saw that understanding had yet to dawn, so
he elaborated, “That is when you progress to a higher level of being, so to
speak. Human evolution hadn’t
manifested the ability to take advantage of that particular aspect until
recently. The process leaves behind the
dust of impermanence lost. The transubstantiation of energy produces a
brief flash of heat, which incinerates the dust leaving only a fine pile of
ash.”
Ted’s
gaze snapped up, as he pictured the two piles of ash on the front seat of
Karen’s station wagon. He opened his
mouth opened to speak, but found himself unable. Doyle smiled and nodded.
All of the stress, all of the self-destructive thoughts and actions over
the last three months seemed to melt away from his memory and he was left with
a feeling that he could only describe as purity. His breath hitched a couple of times as breathed deeply,
regaining his composure. “Am I going to be with them again.”
The
smile faded from Doyle’s lips. “Well,
that brings me to some unpleasant business.”
“I
won’t be able to see them?” Ted asked, feeling an ache build in his chest.
“That
all depends.” Doyle answered.
“On?” Ted said, moving his hands in circular
motions, indicating that he would like a little more information.
“On
you.” Doyle looked toward the
door. “Come on,” he said, taking Ted by
the arm, “let’s take a little walk.”
The door opened as they approached and the guard nodded as they passed.
They exited and stood on the steps outside for a moment. After a few deep breaths, Doyle began
walking down the steps and Ted paced him, not wanting to be left behind in case
he should miss something.
“I
get the feeling that there something you haven’t told me.” Ted said, attempting to instigate the
conversation. Clearly, Doyle would have
preferred not telling, but Ted got the feeling that that wasn’t really an
option.
“Soon
you will enter Purgatory.” Ted’s eyes
widened, but Doyle was quick to allay his fear. “Don’t be alarmed. It’s
really just a waiting room, of sorts.
It’s the first stage of the transcendental ascension.” Ted’s eyes, though still questioning, showed
some relief, so Doyle continued. “What
lies all around you is the world as it truly exists.”
Ted
looked around. He could see high
concrete walls topped with razor wire. MetroComs, he thought to himself. In the distance he could hear gunfire and
small explosions. What he didn’t see
was people. With the exception of the
two of them, there wasn’t a soul on the street.
“Don’t
worry,” Doyle said, “you won’t be staying long. You’re here to prepare yourself.
You see once you’re awakened and begun the ascent, it won’t be long
before he comes.”
“He?”
Ted asked cautiously.
“Have
you ever heard of the Guardian of the Threshold?”
Ted froze. Finally he managed to shake his head. “No.
Who is he?”
“He stands at the gate,”
Doyle answered. “In order to transcend,
you have to pass him first.”
“I still don’t think I
understand,” Ted confessed.
“The Guardian,” Doyle
explained, “is the embodiment of all of your worst fears. He is the walking repository for every
nightmare dreamed. And you will have to
face him. If you fail to do so, you
will be lost.” The words echoed in
Ted’s ears. They stood for a moment,
silently facing each other.
“What will I do? Is there anything I can do?” Ted inquired.
“Did you do what I asked you
to do yesterday?” Doyle asked in
return.
Ted thought for a moment,
not knowing what Doyle was referring to, but, in a flash memory saw himself in
his Lay-Z-Boy squinting at small print in bad light for several hours the night
before, and that triggered his recollection.
“Yes, I did, but what’s…?” he began.
“No more questions,” Doyle
smiled, “let’s get started.”
Ted suddenly found himself
sitting at a table across from Doyle.
He looked around for a moment only to realize that they were back in the
cell. Did they return there? Had they been there the whole time? He wasn’t sure. Things had a strange way about them lately.
It had been a long time
since Ted had done any LSD, but what he was feeling now felt a lot like he
remembered acid trips feeling. He never
remembered tripping this much though, not even when he took six hits
simultaneously.
“Is
this supposed to help?” Ted asked, feeling a bit shaky.
“You’re
experiencing a change in awareness, an enhanced state of consciousness,” Doyle
elucidated, “it will permit an easier exchange of insights.”
“I’m
not following you,” Ted lamented, thinking that Doyle couldn’t just give a straight
answer. He also had a habit of
gesturing when he spoke, which created multicolored arcs in the air around his
hands that Ted couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of. Suddenly, Doyle’s gaze pierced through his hallucination.
Doyle
leaned in slightly and Ted noticed that his eyes were glowing from the
pupils. “You should try to relax.”
“What…”
Ted began to say but was cut short by a radiant blast of energy from Doyle eyes
into his. He could sense the essence of
his perspective change as the luminescent barrage pushed him further back into
his seat. The exchange, which seemed to
go on for hours, lasted only a few seconds and came to an abrupt halt. Ted sat in a cloud of smoke, jaw agape,
trying to catch his breath. “What was
that?”
“That
was an enhancement to your frame of reference.” Doyle answered.
“A
what?”
“Think of it, as instant
enlightenment. It’s a way of seeding
all that spiritually remains fallow.
I’m hoping that it will make use of the philosophical and mystical
studies which you undertook as a younger man.”
“What for?” Ted
inquired. “None of that stuff ever did
any thing for me.”
“You
couldn’t be more wrong. All of those
esoteric teachings which you so astutely poured yourself into were simply in
need of a catalyst.” Doyle elaborated.
“A
catalyst?”
“Yes,”
he continued. “Your beliefs were
keeping these teachings dormant. All
you needed to do was abandon your beliefs and these things would have come to
fruition.”
“You
know,” Ted interjected, “this sounds like one of those sermons I used to hear
as a kid when my mom would take us to church on Sundays. The preacher would say that the devil would
offer you anything if you would abandon your faith.” He looked cautiously over to Doyle. “I’m in that position, aren’t I?”
“Not
at all. You see, the mistake most
people make is believing. Knowing
is much more useful. You can believe an
apple is blue all you want, but that won’t change the fact that you know it’s
red. Beliefs can be quite powerful, but
nothing can change what you know to be true.
You’ll do well to remember that.”
“Why
are you telling me this?”
“I’m
hoping it will help as you prepare to face the Guardian.”
“How
about helping me when I face the
Guardian?” Ted asked, trying to insert a bit of levity into an otherwise tense
situation.
Doyle
shook his head. “Sorry, you have to
face him alone.”
“So
what do we do now?”
Doyle
stood up and smiled, “Training.”
7
Ted
didn’t know what to expect when Doyle said “Training,” but after what seemed
like hours of zazen, he guessed it meant a lot of sitting. Mountains loomed in the distance. Ted would have guessed that they were in
some kind of desert if they truly were anyplace. Doyle called it the barren plain. He said that it was a place of awakening and Ted was starting to
realize a little about the nature of this newly discovered reality. Location and time, for instance, were
illusions. Limitations that were
voluntarily invoked at some point that no one ever thought to change. After a few thousand lifetimes, it became
ingrained into the collective belief system.
Ted didn’t understand exactly how or when he came by this knowledge, but
then he realized that he didn’t remember not
knowing. Oddities such as this
characterized this experience for him.
During the meditation, Doyle
would occasionally speak up, offering a sentence or two, then grow quiet
again. At one point, the liturgy lasted
for half an hour, Ted guessed, covering everything from the importance of
cessation to the destructive power of surety.
“Thoughts
are not your allies. They are a
distraction, a weapon against you.
There is no true opponent outside the self. Clinging to the belief that everything will be okay will only
serve to condemn you. Fear does not
exist, pain does not exist, death does not exist. These are elements of dualistic existence, which is
impermanent. Your only weapon is that
which you know to be true.”
The
words weighed heavy on Ted’s mind. In
the distance he could hear the rumbling of an approaching storm. It was impossible to determine how long he
had left, but he guessed that he’d be looking for shelter before the time
came. All that was really left to do
was to figure out how not to think. A
breeze tussled Ted’s hair as he closed his eyes for a moment, in an attempt to
relax. When his eyelids closed,
however, he was treated to a haunting vision of a faceless man wielding a
flaming sword. His eyes snapped open as
his body recoiled from the vision.
He
found himself sitting at the table in the cell facing Doyle, who, once again,
was wearing the straightjacket. Doyle’s
eyes were closed and Ted had a moment to wonder whether he was asleep before
they snapped open.
“You
have twenty-four hours.” Doyle said, seeming a lot more distant than he
had. “I would advise that you rest up.”
“Times
up, sir!” the guard called as the lock opened with a loud clack. Ted shook his head
to clear the cobwebs as he stood to leave.
The cell, the police station, Doyle, all of it, had returned to as it
had been.
“Twenty-four
hours.” Doyle repeated. Ted, still
feeling somewhat disoriented, left without saying a word. The door closed behind him and the lock slid
back with a gentle click. Ted slowly walked down the long, dark
hallway leading to the exit. Every step
seemed to drain his energy.
Unconsciously, he began
drawing long slow breaths in through his nose, and slowly exhaling through his
mouth. It was a trick an early martial
arts instructor had taught him for building up power. He hadn’t even realized that he was doing it until he felt it
working. Gradually he began to feel
almost recharged. A lift came back into
his step as he headed for the door.
Perhaps the trip home wouldn’t be as inexorable as he had
suspected. He was about five yards away
from the exit when a voice called to him from behind.
“Dr.
Welch!”
Ted
stopped and grudgingly turned around.
It was Captain Briggs, Robbery and Homicide. He wasn’t happy.
“Dr.
Welch, I had it on good authority that you knew what was expected of you
involving this case. Now what the
hell’s the matter with you? Isn’t the
bonus large enough?”
“What?”
Ted asked, taken aback by the verbal assault.
“If
you’ve got some moral qualms about doing the job as it’s been assigned, then,
say the word, and we’ll get someone fresh to replace you! And you can go back home, take your pills,
and wallow some more in self-pity!” Captain Briggs blasted.
“No,”
Ted said, not wanting to let this prick know that he was getting to him, “that
won’t be necessary.” All he needed to
do was play along for the next twenty-four hours.
“I’ll
need a signed release from you on my desk first thing in the morning.” Briggs demanded.
“Yes,
sir,” Ted said, his disdain showing through.
“Watch
that attitude, boy, or corporation or no corporation, I’ll bury you.”
“What
did you say?” Ted asked carefully.
“You
heard me.” Briggs answered. “I know
you’ve been awakened, so let’s put the charade aside. The corporation wants an execution and since you’ve acquired the knowledge, you’ve become a
liability. So, you’re left with a
decision. You can A) sign the release
and send the man off to be executed; or B) take his place. What’s it going to be?” Briggs looked from one eye to the other,
waiting. After a moment, he concluded,
“Your silence is answer enough.” He
turned and walked away. Ted stood for a
moment, loathing the Captain, before turning to leave also.
As
he exited, he began to wonder why, once awakened, he was only a liability,
whereas Doyle was considered a threat.
What was the difference? Was
there a difference? Was Doyle bodhisattva the exception or the
rule? As these and countless other
questions raced through his head, Ted became aware of something. The awakened state is not without it’s
advantages. For instance, once
awakened, the individual can exert a certain amount of influence over
collective perception. One also
develops the ability for spontaneous right action as well as immediate
intuitive extrapolation. As he drove
home, he pondered over what his right action would be and whether or not he
possessed insight needed to venture forth.
It was a quiet drive.
8
Ted sat in his Lay-Z-Boy and
stared into the distance. He let his
eyes drift apart slightly, so that each one stared straight ahead. His vision began to swim before assuming a
clarity he had never known. Everything
seemed to take on more of a three-dimensional look. He wouldn’t have been able to explain it. He just sat there momentarily being
awed. As he scanned his apartment with
his newly found vision, he began to notice a sort of shimmering effect within
the image of certain items. If he
stared long enough, the image would change slightly. It was such a subtle difference that he doubted that it would
have even bore mentioning, but here he was totally enthralled.
He
stood up and began to move about his place, liking the gliding feel his
movements seem to have. As he wondered
what could be responsible for this sudden change, the answer came to him in an
intuitive flash. As his eyes weren’t
fixed on a specific point in time and space, thus his attention was permitted
outside spatial boundaries. When this
occurs, one can manifest outside said spatial boundaries; therefore the
limitations of the physical plane can be bypassed, in a sense. Manifesting outside spatial boundaries,
however, does consume a great deal of energy, as Ted quickly noticed. Exhaustion took over and he collapsed back
into his Lay-Z-Boy, his attention once more focused within the time/space
continuum. Neat trick, he absently
thought to himself. He found the
process somewhat unsettling. He was
forced to sit for a while longer before he was able to get up.
He
started feeling a little nervous when, at first, he was only able to move his
eyes. He had never realized that it was
possible to be this tired. Gradually,
his strength returned, and he rose from his chair and shuffled into the kitchen
to retrieve a cold can of Coke. As he
drained the can into his upturned mouth, he made his way to his bookcase and
began running his left hand across the spines of several texts in one section
of shelf. He glanced down, not even
realizing what he was doing, and withdrew the one his hand happened to be
on. He turned the cover to see what he
had selected and a small grin crept over his lips. He sat back down, stared at the book, and began to leaf through
the pages, slowly at first, but increasing speed as he proceeded. He reached the end and sprang to the shelf
to grab another. By the early morning
hours, he had absorbed every book he owned on the subjects of Yoga, Tai Chi
Ch’uan, and the Chakras, which was quite an extensive collection. When he finished he sat back, closed his
eyes, and waited for the dawn.
The dawn arrived with its usual splendor, Ted guessed, having not seen the sun rise in years. He inhaled deeply. It felt as if he were almost breathing in the light. He felt renewed. He couldn’t help but notice how alive the day appeared. He could sense the energy coursing through all things. It was a spectacular sensation that left him feeling light-headed, the way, when he smoked, that the first cigarette of the day used to make him feel. It was indeed quite a rush. Despite his exultation of the morning, the ominous forbearance of what was yet to come remained. It was a weight on his chest. Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance. He breathed deeply again and turned away from the window.
He decided, as he headed for
the shower, that he should try to talk to Doyle again before he had to… had to…
what exactly was it he had to do? Facing the Guardian admittedly was a little vague. What was expected of him? How should he react? More importantly, how should he not
react? Was any of this really happening
or was it a part of some grand hallucination induced by whatever contagion Doyle
was carrying? So many questions still
remained. Maybe he would have time to
think in the shower.
The shower proved not be as
conducive to the thought processes as Ted had hoped. For some reason, his awareness was continually drawn to the
water. He couldn’t stop pondering over
its formless nature. He was enrapt by
the pure simplicity of it, right down to its molecular structure, three
particles posing as one. Thinking of
it, even now, brought a thin smile to his lips. After he was dry and dressed, he looked around the apartment and
wondered if he would ever see this place again. Something told him that he wouldn’t. When he left, he didn’t look back.
9
He arrived at the police
station shortly before 9 am. He checked
in and made his way down the long, dark hallway, which seemed unusually short
and bright today. As he neared the door
marked number twelve a feeling of uneasiness swept over him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Captain
Briggs approaching.
“A
word.” Captain Briggs said. He wasn’t
asking.
“Sure,”
Ted answered, turning to meet him.
“Walk
with me,” Briggs said, gesturing with his left hand. Ted began walking and Briggs paced him, but stayed a step
behind. Ted cast a distrustful eye over
his shoulder. He wanted to be sure that
Briggs hadn’t just assumed the role of Brutus in an impromptu rendition of
Julius Cesar.
“It
has come to my attention that you might be harboring sympathetic thoughts for
that murderer back there.” Briggs said, pointing a chubby thumb over his
shoulder.
“Oh,
no,” Ted lied, trying not to be obvious, “I’m just giving him enough rope to
hang himself.” The reply was vague
enough, he hoped, to preclude the possibility of any further inquiry. This time, however, hope fell short.
“Now
what in the hell does that mean?”
Briggs demanded, growing angry.
Ted blinked. For a moment it
seemed that Briggs’ shadow was expanding.
“Don’t think that you can placate me with indistinct responses. I’ve heard the tapes of your
interviews. You haven’t put any serious
pressure on him at all. All I’ve heard
is hours and hours of banter. Now, if
you can’t produce a conviction today,” Briggs said, hitching up his belt,
which, Ted guessed, was under some serious pressure of its own, “then I will. Am I understood?”
“Yes,
Captain.” Ted glared.
“Good
then,” Briggs said as he turned to walk away, “come see me as soon as you’re
done.”
Ted
lifted an indignant, middle finger in defiance, but lowered it quickly when
Captain Briggs glanced back. Thunder
rolled as Ted made his way down the hall, which still seemed brighter than
usual. As he reached the door marked
number twelve, he nodded to the guard who smiled, then nodded back. The lock slid open with a loud clack and Ted
stepped through the opening door.
Thunder rolled again; the storm was drawing closer.
Doyle
greeted him with a smile. “You’ve
progressed some overnight,” he observed, thunder rolling overhead.
Ted’s
brow creased. “I feel that there are
some things I need to come to terms with before I can progress any further.”
Doyle
nodded. “Of course.”
“First,
about Dr. McWhirter,” Ted began.
“You
want to know more about his research?” Doyle feigned.
“No,
I want to know more about him,” he said, but then corrected, “well, you and
him.” Doyle only smiled. Ted continued, “You said that he opened your
eyes. What did you mean?”
“He
prepared me to face the Guardian,” Doyle began.
“As
you now have to prepare me?” Ted questioned.
Doyle’s only response was a nod.
“Okay then, next question: Is there anything that I specifically should
not do when I face the Guardian?”
“Fear
is your enemy and thoughts are obstacles.
Awareness is your only ally,” he answered sounding a lot more like the
man Ted first questioned. Now, however,
he felt better equipped to decipher Doyle’s cryptic answers.
“Okay,
good,” Ted answered, believing he understood.
“Last question: about the Guardian, is he the Devil, or something?”
Doyle
smiled. “No, the concept of Satan comes
from an error in the original translation of the Book of Isiah from Hebraic to
Latin. The only embodied evil lies
within the hearts of men.”
“So then who is he?”
Doyle shook his head. “I can’t tell you anything else about him.”
“Why
not?” Ted asked. “What? Is it against the rules, or something?”
“No,
you understand. I can’t tell you
anything about the Guardian that you should already know.” Doyle answered. He could see by the look in Ted’s eyes that he wasn’t
following. “Think about it,” Doyle
emphasized. Thunder rolled and Doyle
snapped his gaze toward the door. He
looked back to Ted. For the first time,
Ted noticed, Doyle looked alarmed.
The
lock slid back with a loud clack as several officers, including the ample
Captain Briggs, filed in.
“You
were warned.” Briggs whispered.
Ted
watched as the other officers dragged Doyle away. He caught a glimpse of Doyle’s face. He was smiling.
“Come
with me,” Briggs insisted. He turned
and headed for the door, pausing once to ensure that Ted was following. Once outside the cell, Briggs stopped. Ted guessed that he was waiting for
something, or someone. He noticed that
Briggs’ attention was focused on the far end of the hallway. Ted had never been in that part of the
building. He hadn’t found it necessary
to go any further than the interrogation rooms at the front. The odd thing is that he had never even
noticed that the hallway even went that far back.
Ted
realized that that part of the building had been shielded from his perceptions,
as it was from the rest of the sleeping masses. But why? What could be
worthy of such secrecy? Their donut
expenditure probably, Ted thought. A
small chuckle escaped his throat and caught Briggs’ attention.
“This
is no laughing matter, boy.” Briggs admonished.
Ted’s
brow furrowed and he turned a spiteful toward the captain. “You can take your condescending tone and
shove it,” he said to Briggs, offering a little smirk for punctuation.
Briggs’
face turned red as he took a deep breath.
Ted guessed he was about to get both barrels when the door at the end of
the hallway flew open with a loud crash that made everyone jump. The hallway seemed to darken as a shadowy
figure emerged. The expression on
Briggs’ face was a lot different. Ted
would have guessed that Briggs was terrified.
Thunder rolled overhead. It
seemed as though it shook the building.
As the figure neared, the thunder strengthened. Ted could see that the figure appeared to be
an older man, maybe in his late fifties.
A shadowy haze clung to him like a black aura, partially obscuring his
features.
“Is
this the one?” the shadowy man asked.
“Yes,
yes,” Captain Briggs quickly answered, “this is him.”
“And
the guide, what of him?”
“He’s
upstairs in a holding cell.” Briggs was
fast with the answers today. The
shadowy man studied Briggs for a moment then turned his attention to Ted. Briggs seemed relieved.
“So,”
he said to Ted, “you must be next.” He
looked back to Briggs. “Bring
him.”
Briggs
looked to two officers who were nearby and nodded. They each took one of Ted’s arms and began escorting him behind
the shadowy man. Briggs lingered for a
moment before following. He preferred
to have as much space as possible between them.
As
they approached the end of the hallway, Ted could see that it was just an
ordinary office. There was a desk, a
couple of chairs, and what looked like filing cabinets. Ted knew, of course, that it wasn’t the
office that needed to be hidden, but what it contained. The shadowy man had an eerie feel about
him. Ted quickly became aware that a
chill accompanied his shadowy gaze. No
wonder Briggs felt so uncomfortable.
The shadowy man sat behind the desk and
gestured for Ted to sit. He did so and
the man smiled a little. Despite the
threatening vibes, he seemed downright personable
“There,
it’s not always so difficult to be civil.
Is there anything you need, a drink perhaps?”
“Who
are you? Why have you brought me here?”
The
man laughed. “Straight to the
point. I can respect that. Who am I?
Who am I? Well, I’ve had many
names. So many, in fact, that not even
I can remember them all. I think that
my favorite name was Legion,” he said, turning toward Ted, “for we are many. But what’s in a name? Naming is the origin of all particular
things, isn’t that what your Taoist philosophy taught you?”
Ted was speechless. Maybe it was best not to know.
“Besides, knowing my name
isn’t going to help you. I’m afraid,
however, that you have made a small mistake.”
“Mistake? A mistake about what?” Ted wondered.
“You
seem to be suffering under the illusion that I have brought you here, Ted. I haven’t.
You have brought you here. Every
step you have taken since you met the guide has led right to me. So let’s stop the finger pointing and get
down to business, shall we?”
“Fine,”
he said curtly. It always irritated him
when his questions were evaded. That’s
why he lost his cool with Doyle at first.
This shadowy man was different from Doyle, though. There was something ominous about this man,
even when you didn’t take into consideration the fact that an ethereal black
haze surrounded him.
“I’m
here to make you an offer,” the man smiled and began to walk around the
room. Ted shivered. “You see, you are stepping on some toes down
here. Many lives have been sacrificed
to preserve the veil, and you can very well be counted among them.” He looked to Ted, “Or…”
“Or
what?” Ted answered after a brief silence.
It was evident that the shadowy man was trying to engage Ted. It occurred to Ted that he had spent most of
his time trying to do the same.
Surmising that it would expedite this process, Ted played along.
“Or,
you can walk away,” the man offered.
“Just
like that?” Ted asked, finding it difficult to conceal his rising suspicion.
“Just
like that,” the man answered, snapping his fingers as he sat down behind his
desk. Nothing is ever that simple and
Ted knew it. There was always a string
or two attached.
“And
what is it that I have to do to earn this opportunity?”
“An
excellent question!” the shadowy man exclaimed as he rose from his seat. He put his hands on the desk and leaned over
to Ted. “Leave here. Forget all about the guide, Doyle, forget
all about facing the Guardian, and leave here.
Don’t look back, and don’t ever think about it again.”
“I can’t,”
Ted began to explain, but the shadowy man interrupted.
“Do
you know how many people would jump at a chance like this?” the man
seethed. “You undeserving piece of
shit, I should gut you where you sit instead of wasting my time.” The man turned away disgusted. He was clearly not pleased. He straightened and turned back to Ted. The smile had returned, though it appeared
somewhat more menacing than before.
“What if I offered you something, anything you wanted, would you leave?”
“I
can’t,” Ted replied. He couldn’t help
but notice that the black haze, which previously had hung so tightly around
this man, was expanding, billowing outward.
The room seemed to grow colder.
Ted could hear thunder from outside, and feel it shaking the building.
“Damn
you! Don’t you know that the Guardian
will destroy you? I’m trying to save
your life!” the man snarled.
“My
life,” Ted said, “is not yours to save.”
The
man’s snarling abated. He smirked,
straightened up and said, “Fine, piss on you then.” As if on cue, two officers accompanied Captain Briggs into the
office where they promptly escorted Ted into the hallway. The door slammed shut behind them. For a moment, Ted was sure that he smelled
brimstone. Thunder rolled overhead and
the walls shook violently. The officers
looked up as though they expected the ceiling to come down. Ted thought that this seemed like a good
time to attempt an escape.
Just
then, thunder shook the walls again and Ted noticed that the vibrations
continued even after the thunder abated.
The vibrations grew stronger and soon, even the thunder was
inaudible. Ted closed his eyes, pressed
his hands over his ears, and dropped to the floor. The officers seemed too distracted by the thunder to notice. He could actually feel the vibrations inside
his head. It was deafening, and
suddenly, it was go
10
Ted opened his eyes. He could see mountains in the distance. The station, Briggs, and the other officers
were all gone. Now that was an
escape. Thunder rolled all around him. Lightning strikes illuminated the darkness,
and Ted realized that he was back in the Barren Plain.
“It’s happening,” he said to
himself under his breath. It took a
minute to come to terms with such an abrupt change. He felt disoriented, almost dizzy. He had a split second to realize that he felt nauseous before his
stomach heaved and he vomited a thick brown liquid into the pale sand. I just threw upon the Barren Plain, he
thought to himself. A nervous chuckle
escaped him.
He sat up, crossed his legs
into a half lotus and waited. As the
thunder grew louder, his pulse began to race.
This wasn’t good. He had to get
his fear under check or this would end badly.
He took a deep breath and tried to relax. Under the circumstances though, it seemed a pointless
endeavor. This was, metaphorically
speaking, it. Everything for which he
had studied as a boy, and everything for which he suffered as a man. He rose to meet his fate head-on.
“Time
to burn and rage.” He whispered to himself.
He turned to find himself staring into the empty face of the
Guardian. Ted felt dwarfed in his
presence. Fear found its hold over Ted,
and he turned to flee. His movements
felt uncoordinated and his escape was proving unsuccessful. From behind, Ted could hear the thunder of
the Guardian’s pursuit. Despite his
size he was quite fleet and keeping up with Ted’s disjointed exodus proved to
be little challenge.
Ted
tried to recall everything he was supposed to remember, but his mind was
blank. He felt utterly helpless and
alone.
“No
escape!” The thousand voices of the Guardian called from not too far away.
Ted searched frantically for a place to make
a stand, but the mountains seemed to remain in the distance no matter how far
you traveled toward them. Obviously, the
Barren Plain was going to live up to its name, providing not even so much as a
bush to hide behind. Ted stopped and
turned. No escape, he thought to
himself.
The
Guardian rose up before him. Ted looked
into his face, and stood his ground.
The Guardian grasped the hilt of his sword and freed it from its
sheath. Flames billowed up like smoke,
surrounding them both in a fiery ring.
He swung the burning blade in Ted’s direction. A flaming arch expanded outward, engulfing Ted in a momentary
blaze. His body began to tingle, then
went numb. He found himself unable to
move.
The
Guardian moved closer. He swung
again. Released from his momentary
paralysis, Ted scrambled from its path, imitating the duck and roll that the
cops always did on the TV shows he watched as child. He was surprised to find it effective. He lurched forward and jumped to his feet. He turned, expecting to have gained a little
ground, but was disappointed to find the Guardian at his heels, swinging at him
unmercifully.
At
that moment Ted felt betrayed by his own mind.
All of the information he needed was at his fingertips, but he was
unable to access it. There was just no
catching a break, there was just no defeating the Guardian, and there was just
no way this could be happening.
As
the Guardian closed the small distance between them, Ted remembered an excerpt
from one of the books he had spent last night studying. A thin smile touched his lips as the
information come flooding back to him.
He looked up at the Guardian, took a deep breath, and began to feel the
flow of Kundalini (life energy). He
felt it first in his feet as he began to draw it up through his legs. With every breath, he could feel more and
more energy drawing up into his body.
The Guardian advanced closer. Ted, feeling a little pressed for time,
shifted his focus on the heart chakra.
Just above his sternum, a small circle of about the size of a quarter
began to glow, first green, then gold.
Ted drew in a deep breath and it began to glow brighter. As the Guardian converged, Ted felt his
heart chakra open and a green/gold luminescent surge billowed forth, pushing
the Guardian backwards like a child struggling against the tide. This was only a temporary solution. These blasts of Kundalini were only slowing
the Guardian down, not stopping him.
The Guardian rose and converged again.
Ted fled yet again, feeling hopelessness seep into his will.
Intuition comes in flashes,
instants of epiphany. As Ted continued
his retreat, he began to realize that there indeed was no hope. Then something happened. Ted’s realization triggered a kind of chain
reaction. He realized that there was no
hope because there was no mercy. Then
he realized that there was no mercy because there was no conflict. When Ted realized that there was no
conflict, he stopped in his tracks and turned to face the Guardian.
The Guardian stood
motionless. Ted, not quite believing
what he was seeing, cocked his head slightly to the side. To his surprise, the Guardian imitated the
move. But he didn’t just imitate the
move. He seemed to perform it
simultaneously with Ted. Just then, Ted
remembered what Doyle had said about the Guardian. It was something about not being able to tell him anything about
the Guardian that he shouldn’t already know.
Ted looked up and into the Guardian’s face.
The two stared across at
each other. Ted let his eyes drift ever
so slightly apart and, like the night before in his chair, removed himself from
the confines of time and space. Slowly,
the Guardian’s face began to materialize.
The eyes that Ted was staring into were his own. He remained staring into his own face, as if
seeking a deeper answer, but there was none.
There was only him.
“It’s hard to face the fact
that you’re holding your own progress back,” Doyle said. Ted spun around to find Doyle, sitting in a
cell. Ted looked around to find himself
there, too. This was a different
cell. Must be where they took him
earlier. He looked down and realized
that he was holding the Guardian’s sword, the blade still aflame.
“So,” Doyle smiled, “you
were able to face the guardian.”
“Yes,” Ted nodded, finally
realizing what it meant to face the Guardian.
“you know, you could have said that it was just an expression.”
“Sorry, friend,” he retorted,
“rules are rules.”
Ted smiled and looked back
down to the sword. After a moment, he
looked up to Doyle, who sat, with eyes closed and palms facing upward, and
asked “So, are you ready to go?”
Doyle opened his eyes and
looked up to Ted. He looked relieved. “Yes,” he remarked simply, “I’ve been ready
for a while.” At that, he lowered his
head. It almost looked as though he
were praying.
“I don’t feel right about
doing this Doyle.”
“Ted, sometimes you just
have to do your job,” he insisted. “Surely
you’ve realized that by now.”
Ted had realized that, and a
few other things. He faced the
Guardian. The last to do so
successfully was Doyle. Now, it was
Ted’s shift and Doyle had to be freed from physical incarnation. Ted took a deep breath and raised the sword
above his head. “Goodbye, my friend,”
he whispered as he brought the blade down in a fiery arch. It passed through Doyle effortlessly. There was a brief flash, the settling of
dust, and that was it. Rather
anticlimactic, if you ask me, Ted thought as the sword faded from view.
The lock slid back with a
loud clack and a team of five officers wearing helmets and brandishing riot
batons rushed in. Ted initially thought
they were there to help him, but the first blow to the face from one of the
baton-brandishing boys in blue changed his mind about that. Ted felt several other strikes as he reeled
backwards. After being wrestled to the
ground, he was put in a straightjacket and sat up on the bed. He looked up to see them file out. The doorway was clear for a moment and he
actually considered making a break for it, but he had a job to do. A shadow appeared in the doorway, and Ted
could tell by the sizable girth that it was Captain Briggs.
“Couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?” Briggs asked, the irritation in his voice was unmistakable. “You thought you were something special, thought the rules didn’t apply to you. Now look at you.”
Ted’s only response was
laughter. It started quietly at first
and Briggs actually thought that he was crying. As the volume increased, there was no mistaking it. Briggs became enraged.
“What the hell is so damn
funny?!” Briggs demanded, screaming into Ted’s face.
“I was just wondering
something, captain.”
“Yeah, what?”
“Ever hear of the Guardian?”
Ted asked.
“No, why? You think he’s going to be able to help
you?” Briggs interjected
triumphantly. Ted smiled and turned his
face toward the only window in the cell.
Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance, as if heralding the
approaching storm.
THE END
©
2002 by Joel Lee. Joel Harrison Lee was
born December 12, 1968 at Bethesda Memorial Hospital in Boynton Beach, Florida
to Jack and Hattie Lee. Joel was the
third of four children and began writing at an early age. After graduating from Santaluces Community
High School, he attended Palm Beach Community College. In November of 1998, Joel married and a year
later, welcomed his daughter into the world.
Currently, he lives in Jupiter, Florida with his wife, his daughter, and
his dog. He can be reached by E-mail at
joelhlee@adelphia.net.